My stepdaughter is evil and I want nothing to do with her
My husband and I have a blended family with five kids. SS (15), SD (13), my DS (14), and the two little ones my husband and I have had together (2 & 3).
I've talked before about my SD and the awful things she's done over the years, from flushing my wedding gift from my husband down the toilet, to crossing out our keepsake with our wedding guests' (a few special people who have since passed away, including my dad and my grandfather) well wishes in black permanent marker, stealing from our house (she'll steal anything, just for the sake of stealing it - from my DS's iPod to cleaning supplies, seriously - and I know this because her brother, my SS, has brought them back to us from their mother's house), being aggressive with her half-brothers, she's even attempted to choke my husband while he was driving - twice. She rarely comes to our house anymore, thank goodness, but the few times she does it is pure hell.
This lovely child is the clone of her mother in every way, who steals, cheats, lies, believes she's entitled to the best of everything, we've even had to call the police on her multiple times - once for storming into our garage, sitting on my vehicle while yelling at DH and refusing to leave, and another for throwing rocks at our windows (I should note that both times, SD was in her mother's vehicle witnessing everything). The first time I met the ex, she screamed at me in a public place in front of our children that her kids hated me and she threatened me to stay away from them. She cheated on him! I came into the picture two years after they split! I have done nothing wrong!
I always thought things would get better. The ex surely couldn't stay angry forever. The kids couldn't either. They would learn that I'm a good person and not the kind their mother has made me out to be. For the most part, my SS has come around. But not my SD.
My husband is well aware of his daughter's um, habits - but there's always an excuse. She is developmentally delayed, but not to the point where she wouldn't understand what she has done is wrong. And yes, she lives with her mother the majority of the time, and she's proven to be not a great influence.
So what I'm getting to now is an incident I have no concrete proof she committed, but given her repeated attempts to steal from and/or hurt me, I can truly think of no one else who would have stooped so low. My SS is a pain sometimes, but he's not diabolical. Anyway, I have my dad's ashes in a box my husband made, on a shelf (out of reach from our little ones) in our living room. When my dad got sick, he felt his life was being stripped away, quite literally. He wasn't able to make decisions for himself. He had his license revoked. My sister and I had to take his medical and credit cards to deal with his health and financial matters. All he asked for was that he could keep his wallet, with $20 in it, so he could "feel like a real person." I've always kept his wallet, with his last $20 in it, on top of his box.
You know where this is going. I last looked at my dad's wallet a few months ago. We haven't had anyone over since then due to Covid restrictions. It's been our household, with my SD visiting once in that time. I looked at it yesterday and saw that yep, the $20 was gone. Stolen from my late dad's wallet, atop his ashes.
I have been nothing but kind to SD since the day I met her, despite the things she's done to hurt me. I have cared for her when she's been sick, taken her to appointments, bought her bday and Christmas gifts, always made an effort to include her. I am at the point now where she's crossed so many lines with me, that I can't even stand to look at her picture anymore. I honestly want to remove her smug portrait from the wall where our boys' and other family pictures are, but I know my husband wouldn't be happy about that. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to cut her off completely. I don't want to be involved in her life, I don't want to try to include her, I most definitely don't want to pick her up from school when she's sick or drive her to appointments (which I'm always expected to do as I work from home and have a flexible schedule).
I guess my point in writing this is of course to rant, but to ask what do I do here??? And how do I deal with this intense anger I have for the things she has done to me, despite all the things I've done for her???