You are here

My partners older son hits our younger son

Vinny Bliss's picture

My partner and I live seperately and has an older son (age 11) who behavioural issues. I've recently found out that he's been hitting our son we have together (age 4). Together she and I 2 children, the 4 year old boy and we also have a baby girl (3 months old). We have joint custody of our mutual children and she shares custody of her older son with his father. Shes kept this information from me and has made  repeated excuses for her older sons violent behaviour. She's said she's "told him off" but as it's apparently happened a few times as she's kept it from me, 1. Her approach to dealing with the issue isn't working , 2. Her keeping it from me is lying and makes me not trust how often this has occurred, 3. She got mad at me for asking questions and became verbally abusive towards me saying I need to know when this happens. I found out as she slipped it out in a chat we were having and she didn't intend to disclose it to me. What can I do. I feel powerless to protect my son and potentially our daughter as she gets older as well. Any advice on my rights or advice on what I can do to step in personally or if need be legally would be much appreciated. 

Vinny Bliss's picture

Apologies for some typos or missing words, I'm typing this on my phone and have been up all night worrying after just finding this out a few hours ago. 

Miss T's picture

No idea what your legal rights are--please talk to an attorney about that ASAP. If you're short on funds you can get reduced first-hour rates from most lawyers and there are also free or low-cost legal aid organizations in many areas.

Not from a legal but from a common sense point of view, those littler kids are in danger. I'm sure your girlfriend's son is a darling boy with just a teensy bit of a temper who wouldn't hurt a fly and blah blah blah but the fact is that adolescents with violent behavior issues can be dangerous. Within the letter of the law, you need to get yourself and your kids out of there, STAT.

Rags's picture

Nanny cams!!!!!  All over the house.  If you can't trust the mother of your children to protect them from her prior relationship violent pelvic missile  then you should make secrets impossible to keep as far as they violent PZiS and your lying wife are concerned.


tog redux's picture

They don't live together. Unless you are suggesting he breaks into her home and puts up nanny cams.

Rags's picture

In that case, call CPS.

Though it was his opening comment, I missed the living separately thing.  Selective comprehension I suppose.

tog redux's picture

This is a CPS issue, if she's not providing enough supervision to prevent the older one from hitting the younger one - IF he's causing bruises or other injuries when he hits him. If he's not, this will be a tough one to do anything about.  Is your son being injured?

And if you do call CPS on her, any co-parenting you are able to do will go straight to hell.

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree with talking to an attorney to start. See if they suggest bring CPS in to the situation. 

I am curious on why you live apart and what the custody arrangement is with your children? Are you still together but live apart? Do all the kids live with her full time?

tog redux's picture

I assumed he mean't "ex-partner" but as I read it again it does sound like maybe they are still together?