This is my first post, even though it is long overdue. My situation is so complicated. Any feedback on this you feel like giving would be appreciated. Sorry long. We have many issues but lots of them have been helped here from your posts, so here goes, please help!

SO is a Disney dad with his children high on petal stool with NO boundaries, just because he's their father he will make excuses for them. SD12 SS10 rule the house and our lives. I moved in to SO house last yr with BD16 and had to leave my BS14 move to his BD house since SO doesn’t like him & my health issues. SO doesn’t have a reason why he doesn’t like him but just says he rubs him the wrong way, but that another issue so is SD12 spoiled mini wife, another story..

SS10 is so out of control emotionally manipulating & stressing everyone out. When he was 8 he was hospitalized for a week for behavioral issues and put on meds & therapy which he is still on and doing. Both bio parents don't really want to recognize how out-of-control he is. It’s easier to look the other way then to just accept the truth. SO lets the issue go too easily & doesn’t follow thru with disciplining lots of waffling / backing down because he not a normal kid & is not right, he has issues. That line is getting old! SO thinking is you have to pick your battles with him because you won’t win so just let it slide under the rug. What bull who’s the boss or rule maker? Oh wait not the dad because he can’t / won’t take off the kid friendly gloves and take charge. If SS doesn’t want to do it he will have a fit then that’s the end. Ex: Big fight with SO, BM & Skids when I asked them to start washing their hands & to take vitamins to help me stay healthier during my chemo. That lasted less than a month only time that is done now is if I tell them to. “Come on how hard is it to wash your hands after using the bathroom” but I’m told I’m in the wrong here from both BM & SO. Uuggghh :jawdrop:

SS10 acts like he is 5- Baby talk and fit throwing if he doesn’t get his way. Both Skids are extremely jealous of each other and also of me they fight each other for attention from SO. They follow him around like little puppies. If SO gets up to get a drink they will follow, he takes a shower they wait outside of the door then try to come in while he is getting dressed. SO sets alarm so he is up before them because if not SD is texting him “are you up” or SS is knocking on our door or making lots of noise so he will get up. SS has to sit next to SO for meals or on same seat for tv time or relaxing time. This is a big issue SS & SD vented to BM about this so now if I’m sitting next to SO and they come into room I must get up so 1 of them can sit down next to him. SS is still mad at the fact that while on vacation SO and I slept in the bed while girls on the sofa bed and he on sleeper chair. This caused such a fight with SO and I because I would not sleep on chair so they could sleep together. I’m at my end of the rope with the rudeness, lies, constant running in the house, can't ever talk in a normal volume or rambling on about no nonsense stuff that’s so far-fetched it’s just stupid just to talk so no one else can… I did bring this up a few times and SO is finally getting it. While talking the other night SS jumps in starts talking and smirks at me so I just made a face to SO (which he got) stopped talking and said to SS we are talking here and you will have to wait. OMG finally!

Think my problem is that I’m involved with a Disney dad, typical protective, enabling, guilty dad that thinks his kids are great. My son does no wrong, well SO is eating that crow now. Problem is SS is in serious trouble and needs help yet I’m the one for months now saying this get on board and help him instead of thinking it will fix itself. Here a snap shot of the mess.

Feb. SS9 at the time gets busted with beer bottles, stolen house items, lighter with lots of burnt items, his sister’s stuffed animal with its throat cut and knife shoved in its belly and pain pills in room. BM is told he is grounded for 1 day & Room is cleaned and closet is locked. Later more items are found, he gets talked to and counselor is filled in. More items are noticed missing but are not found yet. BM is missing Vodka bottle goes on hunt. Lighter from our house is found in SS closet at BM house, SS lies says he doesn’t know how it got there tries to blame his sister. No punishment. BM finds smashed vodka bottle and bottle of champagne, SS lies then comes clean is grounded 1 day no tv. More items found at our house SS gets a talk. Lies says he doesn’t know SO tells him the items are going to police dept to be fingerprinted SS come clean on only found items, No punishment just talk. Grandma is missing lawn mower key.. key is found in SO truck SS comes clean and has to call grandma and apologies that’s all. More liquor is found he gets the talk. Kitchen Ipod is missing lost to the house SS gets his Ipod taken to replace the kitchen one. Has been told when it comes back he gets his back. SS swears he doesn’t know where it is. Funny how only happens when it’s a kid night or weekend. SO gets mad and turns defensive toward me. I’m sick of items being taken and not returned SO starts to say that my children are doing this not his son. This blame shit goes on for months as items are taken and found hidden in our home. School calls because SS took a bullet to bus stop gives it to another kid that kid keeps it for a while then passes it to another kid which his mother finds it questions the kids and turn out came from SS. It’s the end of school year so School district does nothing parents are to handle it. SS get a talk..lol I’m only one having an issue with all this?? BM and SO just saying kids will be kids. More items found in our home, my son is blamed. There’s no proof of it so I do nothing, yet get my ass handed to me because I didn’t ground him for it. It’s just an attempt to get heat off the real person who took it cuz SO is having to face reality that son is far from perfect.

End of June I come home from hospital only Skids home beer found. SO eats crow cuz I can’t get around without his help and SD didn’t drink it. SS is busted yet lies gets sent to room they talk SS says he did it and gets to come out, like nothing happened, wonder why we still having issues. I’m done at this point this crap with SS is over top stress is too much and chemo is kicking my butt. No help SO and I are fighting bad cuz I feel he needs to do more than talk and have him go to therapy. BM is no help (doesn’t happen at my house so it’s your problem) nice. Bottle of meds are missing found in SS room his room is checked he once again gets a talk. I’m blue in the face what needs to happen kid ODS on meds before we do something here??? Was told not my kid not my issue so stop it he (SO) has it under control.
July-Kid night SS ipod gone from draw I assume SO returned it to SS since we bought new Ipod for kitchen. SO and I go on road trip since I’m feeling better it was nice trip after little fight. We get back to find new ipod gone. SO jumps all over saying that he knew we had another person stealing our stuff and not SS. Causes huge fight. My BD16 swears she didn’t take it but she was the only one home. She was told not to let anyone in while we were gone. Truth always comes out in the end. She had 3 girlfriends over. I’m glad she told me makes me proud she doesn’t lie to my face like others. SO wants me to ground her for 4 months and pay for ipod. 4 months??? Really how fair is that… well turns out that in the rush I was in before leaving I scooped up the ipod in with my bill notebook ..lol my bad Had to talk to BD and worked things out. Yet SO gets mad at me cuz I didn’t ground her for 4 months for not listening and letting friends in. I’m so not going to win. Yet while on hunt for Ipod we found more items in SS room my ipod SO ipod SS ipod, food and lots of many other strange things that shouldn't be hidden or hoarded. All stashed in weird places as well. WTH? SS gets a talk. His room is clean

Aug- Everyone acts like nothing is going on. Beers are now counted in frig hard liquor cabinet is locked wine cellar is locked. SS door is now taped to see if he leaves the room at night. I feel like an outsider in my own home all because of SS that’s out of control and won’t stop. Feeling happy because kids are going home early cuz SO is leaving for work so only have to be alone with them for 30 mins. Weekend is going well until lighter is missing. SO freaks out on me says I’m picking on his son he wasn’t out of his room so he didn’t do it and I’m so wrong here. Well with that I snapped back said our door was locked at night so he didn’t take it during the night had to happen during the day. Much more said but think you all get the point. SO goes to prove me wrong goes into SS room to look not even 5 mins go by and he is yelling for SS. They have talk and he calls BM she just says oh and told him to check his room. SO is going to be late so he leaves. On wed I go to give myself my injection and my pen is gone..wtf!! so I go on the hunt look in SS room find tons of burnt items and melted items yeah he didn’t leave his room cuz he was burning shit all night… I tell SO at this point he is so stressed out with SS crap, my health issues and work can’t deal with it. He call BM they fight SS won’t tell where my injection pen is “he forgets” I’m so done he is now putting other in harm’s way. So off to the hospital I go cuz of his stupid ass. SO is on the road so nothing happens. Half of his job cancels so he gets to come home 3days early. Sat is a big event and its SD turn to go but she has made plans already so SO says he’s going to take SS. WTF Really let’s just keep rewarding bad behavior. I lost it and in the end he saw my view. Then on Sunday goes to spend day with SD and SS for his birthday.(10). When he gets home I asked if he said anything about the issues at hand.. Nope it’s his birthday didn’t want to upset him same thing happened on Tues night. Whatever! So Friday rolls around and shit hits the fan once again cuz I’m pushing for something to be done its totally out of control and no one gives a shit. SO and I fight, wish he could just see I’m trying to help him not work against him. He snaps back and says he spends more time in one day with his kids then I do in a month with mine. Very low blow .. war is on, he can say that but he’s the reason why my son is not living with me.. total blow out during the night ends with me saying it his issue and he can deal with it alone. He still saying my kids are part of the stealing and drinking crap also, so my come back was he doesn’t have to worry anymore cuz I will take that option out and that I’m done moving out for my piece of mind and health and when the shit keeps on happening it’s all on him, I will just laugh when I see the house burned down or feel bad for him when I see his sons obituary.

Sat- beer bottle found in trash can SO and I fight SS is grounded to room. Which its unfair SD12 pays the price for SS issue, so I stepped in had BD babysit SS so that SO SD and I could do something. SS put in room freaking out upstairs doors locked /taped. SO tell me he can’t go cuz SS is to upset really?? SS crying having fit saying his stomach is hurting its unfair for us to go without him. Wants his dad to wave to him when we go.. only on road 6 mins get the call he stomach hurt he can’t do this and needs him to come home.. SD and I both voice in. Movie was good come home to broken tape on guest room door SD forgot and walked into her room so we couldn’t tell if he was in there or not.. I go into bathroom then SS goes in later when I go in pill is on the counter??? Didn’t say anything until next morning when it was still there told SO. It turns out to be one of his- bottle is removed from bathroom but no one put it there,,, yeah right! SO talks to SS about it nothing is done. Day goes on.. SO still has not learned yet  530 comes room check time.. OH what is found… pills some under rug and in his bag going home to BMs.. think its setting in now? SS room is emptied out more items found then more items found in sister’s room. He has the talk again and 30 min talk with BM & SS. They go home. BM is calling SO cuz SS can’t stay awake and eyes are bloodshot. Oh now she’s on board cuz its happening to her.. long story short SS took meds wouldn’t say how many or what. BM SO fight end result is our house is unsafe and Skids not allowed here anymore because of this.(this wont happen because BM wants her alone time, even has SS call SO on her weekend to come get him) Now SO is mad at me cuz they were my pills but where the hell were the boundaries. The child is who needs to be held accountable for his actions stealing things, sneaking out of bed at night, etc... time for him to face the consequences. I don't know if I want to take that chance with a child who lies and gets rewarded for it/no consequences. Let’s be deceitful and sneaky as well it's like nothing ever happened and he's right back at the same old stuff. It needs to stop. Wonder what excuses will come from SO for SS now.

We battle these issues monthly and I don't know how much longer either of us can take it. Please help with any advice! Even if you think I am wrong I need to hear it!! My SO and I are at constant odds with each other because I am stressed, ill and very angry that he refuses to see my points of view, refuses to believe that this child is rude, disrespectful, ill-mannered out of control and needs help.

This situation with this boy is literally draining what little life is left in me. I'm at the point that things have to change between me and SO or I will have to leave. I know I don’t have enough strength in me to fight the cancer and this. 