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My husband wants divorce because of daughter

Happy12's picture

My husband left me because during an argument, I told him I do not like his child and she depresses me. She's a mean little girl and treats my child like crap. Her mother has caused problems also. I was highly stress because I was paying most of the bills. I help him get through school. On top of me working I had to make all the major decision, cook, clean and sex was still expected. I was just tired and I snapped. I really loved my husband. I invested so much in my marriage. I apologized  to him and asked to go to family counseling but he refuses. He just want to divorce. He said he still cares for me but because of what I said about his child he doesn't  want to come back. Plus he said I emasculted him. We have a child together and I want her to have both parents in the home. My family and friend says he is a coward and the reason for him leaving was just a cop out. They feel like he used me and I need to stop crying and begging him to come back. I'm just so depressed. Any advice. And please be real with me.

 

Rags's picture

your friends and family. You put him through school, now he is bolting with his education and moving on.

So, call an attorney immediately, nail his ass to the wall for a ton of money in Child Support, go after a % of his lifetime income since you are the one who put him through school, and move on.

Draw as tight a noose around him as you can because this one sounds like he will be a major PITA to work with during the long years you will spend under a Custody/Visitation/Support order.  It is easier to establish firm boundaries early than try to negotiate them later.

My condolences on the demise of your marriage but congratulations on being able to start a new life adventure not being burdened with this toxic coward as your life partner.  Take care of you and take care of  your child.

Good luck.

Ispofacto's picture

This.

And don't release your child to him for visitation until a court order is in place.  Legally each of you has the same rights to your daughter.  If the daughter is in his possession without a court order, he doesn't have to give her back to you, he can keep her.  Then he would stand a stronger chance of getting permanent custody.

Findthemiddle's picture

Sorry that your husband is too selfish to see your side.  

marblefawn's picture

I'm sorry to read this. You must feel awful.

But really think about it....wouldn't you rather be with someone who wants to be with you?

I live by my dignity. If he didn't want me, why beg him? I can find someone else who thinks I'm great, so why waste my time with someone who doesn't? It's a lot of work to keep someone who doesn't want to be kept. It's painful, distracting, stressful. All that effort could be put into your own child and finding someone who loves you for the great woman you are.

If he can't forgive one fight, I suspect he was looking for a way out and is gone for good. Let him go. You're better than begging. Focus on your child, getting your dignity back and making your life great. There is nothing sexier or more attractive than a person who has their shit together, has confidence and takes care of business when the chips are down. You can do it. And if he's at all inclined to come back, that's the surest way to make it happen and then YOU can tell him "NO."

The best revenge is happiness.

FlyBoyJ's picture

I'm in a similar situation.  My wife puts her two daughters, especially the younger one who I cannot stand for reasons expressed in a post I created, way ahead of me.  I am low man on the totem pole for sure.  She's basically told me if I don't "love" her younger daughter and innapropriately dote on her like she does that "we're done".  As hard as it is to go through another divorce, im starting to come to the reality that being rid of what seems to be my gold digging wife (she was spoiled as a SAHM by her ex-husband and expects me to pay all the bills and support her kids and feels no need to work herself), and particuarily not to have to hear or see her loser 19 yr old daughter is a huge light at the end of the tunnel.

In a marriage, your spouse should come first, and not kids,  It's not healthy or normal.

And19's picture

Breakups, no matter how necessary, are so hard. It’s very hard to envision your whole life with someone and then all of a sudden, it’s a blank slate all over again. But someone once told me that starting over opens up every single day to new opportunities, new experiences, new love, etc. From the outside looking in, which is sometimes the clearest point of view, he doesn’t sound like someone you want to go through life with anyway. I’m life, it’s best to have a partner that you can count on through good and bad and thick through thin. While he may have been hurt and offended by your comment, that isn’t a good reason for a HUSBAND to leave his MARRIAGE. Marriage is a commitment and a lot of hard work. It doesn’t seem like he’s interested in either of those things. I wish you the very best and hope your new journey fulfills you in every possible way. Good luck!

Happy12's picture

Thank you all for your feed back. I have been reading your comments over and over and they have made me feel better and motivated me to move on. I just need to learn what taking care of myself entails. Thank you all.

Merry's picture

If you want to bring some closure to this for yourself, tell him one last time the things you are willing to do to save the marriage. It might be marriage counseling, or discussion on household responsibilities, or a financial plan, or whatever you think might be useful and in line with what you think is reasonable, and only if you really want to save the marriage. Stop the begging. If he is willing to talk, great. If he is not, then go full no contact. Block his calls, no social media, everything. The next time he hears from you it will be through your divorce attorney.

Good luck. This sucks, but as my wise divorce attorney told me, you have more strength than you think you do.

Happy12's picture

I wish I could disappear but we share a child together. I just filed for child support. So I have to let him see the child and co-parent which is going to be hard.

Happy12's picture

I went full no contact. I blocked his phone calls and told him to contact me via e-mail if it has anything to do with our child. 2 weeks later he shows up at my home refusing to leave until I gave him a tax number. I had no idea what he was talking about. I told him that he needed to learn how to do things on his own now. Then he accused me of keeping the child away from him. I informed him that until there is documentation of visitations, it is safe that the child stays with me. Because like you guys said he can take her and never give her back. We had a child support appointment but he asked them to push the appointment back. I did file a police report that he showed up at my home unannounced. I told them I just wanted it documented just in case something bad happen to me. I'm a teacher and you know how poor teachers are and I'm trying to save up for a lawyer so I can get this all over with. But I am proud I regained my power back.

 

Rags's picture

Most will work on a payment plan.  As a teacher you may have access to legal services through your teacher's union at reduced rates.

The longer  you wait to nail this all down the more chance  your STBX has to take the initiative and offensive.

Sandybeaches's picture

please know that this is about more than this one incident.  Please also know that it sounds like you put way more into that marriage than he did.  Definitely find someone to talk to but go by yourself so you can sort out your feelings.  In reading that sex was expected makes me feel that this relationship was not a good one and controlling. 

You are not bad and everyone has a bad day and says something they shouldn't sometimes.  Your husbands reaction is killing a fly with a sledge hammer.  Please take care of yourself and find someone to talk to.