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My BF’s ex is a constant presence in our lives.

Ruby77's picture

My BF had been divorced from his ex for 9 years. They have two sons together (10 and 15). We have been together for 3 and I'm honestly tired of her bat-sh*t crazy behaviour. 

Now I would not ever care if he and her had brief conversations about the kids, for example: medical appointments, sports, school, their behaviours, etc. I have a 10 year old who's dad and I only talk when it has something to do with her. That is totally normal and more than ok with me. The problem is, she constantly harasses him. Bombs him with text messages about the most rediculous, asinine things. This happens almost daily. There is at least one message from her a day and almost always it is some crazy message that he just ignores. He just doesn't respond. The problem is she doesn't get it and for as long as he and I have been together, she just keeps harassing. 

This happens when the kids are with her, when the kids aren't with her. She has zero respect for his time apart from the children, which is always time that we spend together. She'll load him with her crazy texts at like 7:30am, in the evenings, it doesn't matter the time. It will be as crazy as last night with her telling him that he needs to buy the oldest one new underwear. The oldest is 15 and can tell his dad all by himself if he needs new underwear. She bitches that my boyfriend treats his kids to something like Lucky Charms or bbq's hot dogs. She makes comments to him about me and how I am 8 years younger than him. She messages him to say that she spent $15 on a hair cut for one of the boys and that he owes her $7.50. She complains that he doesn't offer to take the kids so that she can have a break. They have 60-40 split schedule where my boyfriend takes them 60% of the time so not sure how much less time she wants to spend with them.... biggest issue is that my boyfriend is afraid to block her number and only accept emails because there could be an he believes that she is mentally unstable and always wants to be available incase she loses her mind and he needs to get the kids. I get it. So we forfeit our peace and quiet on the nights and weekends that the kids are with her, because she can't respect his/our time and he can't seem to set boundaries. I fear that it will be this way for a long time, if not forever. I can't handle it any more. I can't live with the constant drama because I've worked very hard to put my life into a drama-free place.

advice??? Please....

hereiam's picture

She's a constant presence in your life because your BF lets her be. He needs to enforce boundaries, instead of making up excuses.


advice.only2's picture

10 and 15 are old enough to have their own phones to reach out to their father if their mother has a medical emergency.

Have him look into Our Family Wizard it's messaging done through the courts and can be used to help deter the excessive messaging.. He can also block her number or set up a burner phone that he only checks once a week.

Ultimately he needs to stop enabling her and cut the cord, unless he's willing to do that this will continue.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Block her completely when the kids are with you. That will take away 60% of the harassment since you have them 60% of the time. DH should tell her  that he is doing that because of how disruptive her behavior is. If your DH won't do at least that, then he is a big part of the problem. 

Biostep7777's picture

Ugh! I feel you. Ours doesn't get the hint either. I just wrote a whole post about this. DH only communicates through Our Family Wizard and we turns of notifications when we have time together. My DH ignores her too. Only checks OFW twice a week ect... but it's so annoying when he does check and there's a million messages on there full of stupid crap. We just have to take time away from the craziness to focus on us. Your DH can't control her crazy behavior unfortunately but he can control when and how he communicates. We ONLY use OFW and we turn it off as needed and he takes certain times to read over the craziness, respond with only what is necessary and then turn it back off. It's hell on earth. I understand! 

justmakingthebest's picture

He ignores her which is good. 

I would suggest that he ask that she send a weekly update for anything related to reimbursement, school, or schedule change requests. Texts should be reserved for medical or other emergencies and if there is immediate coordination needs only. 

Every time she texts- Copy, paste 

Ruby77's picture

Ohhh this is a great idea! Thank you!! I'm happy he doesn't engage, but not so happy that she isn't getting the hint. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Google Voice is your BF's friend here if he doesn't want to block her. He gets a Google Voice number and tells her he changed numbers. Google Voice should allow it so that calls come through your phone, but text notifications remain turned off. If there is an emergency, she can call and he'll get it. But, all the texts will land in Google Voice and he can check when he has time (if he wants).

Sandybeaches's picture

 I can tell you, you are right!!  It will go on forever until he puts a stop to it and blocks her!  I must say that we didn't do that until the youngest turned 18.  The harassment was constant and it wasn't just about he kids.  She wanted him back and was jealous and bat shit crazy!! 

It was awful.  She spent all of her time trying to find ways to be in his life.  He too was worried about the kids and didn't want to block her in case of an emergency.  As soon as the youngest was 18 she got blocked and unfortunately  it did not end there.  She found other ways to get to him.  She used any excuse.  She called from her work, borrowed other peoples phones it was crazy.  The kids are grown and she is still blocked and often still bugs us.  He needs to find a way.  There weren't as many options 15 years ago as there are now.  He needs to have a judge in family court tell her to stop the harassment.  If she is truly crazy as ours is, it won't sway her.  Glad your BF ignores her.  My husband always did too but it made her madder.  

2and2Family's picture

Sounds like it's time for both boys to get cell phones! That way husband has open line of communication with the kids at all times and doesn't have to have hardly ANY contact with co-parent-its worked well for us most of the time! 

Dogmom1321's picture

BM is just trying to stay relevant. SS are WAY old enough to communicate on their own... SD12 has her own phone. The only time DH communicates with BM is if there is a change in schedule. Other than that, there is no need.