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My 8 year old special needs skid has lice - and I'm disengaged

jennygirl11's picture

I got the call from school this morning that my 8 year old special needs SD has LICE. I told them to call her father. My own BD had lice when she was younger and I remember the nightmare it was....Her father is not equipped to deal with this - he can't even make her allow him to BRUSH her hair, much less comb it for four hours until all the eggs are gone. I have been disengaged for months, but if I want this handled I'm going to have to be the one to deal with it. Would I be a terrible wife if I take my BS and move in with my adult daughter for the next 6 months??

Acratopotes's picture

Yes you are terrible.... even though you are disengaged... why not help this little girl.... it's only to your benefit and cleaning the house and making sure no one else gets lice...

sunshinex's picture

So I'm not sure if your BS is your husbands as well, but if he is, then what kind of example are you setting that you can just up and leave your sister when she's in a tough time? Even if your BS isn't your husbands, he still looks to you for guidance on how to treat people, and I think this is a little harsh. You're essentially teaching him that you can up and leave people, even those who live with you, in their time of need because it's an inconvenience.

I think disengaging is one thing but ignoring a child's needs when they clearly need your help is another. No, SD isn't your kid, but she lives in your household and if you're the one who's equipped to deal with something health-wise, then just do it. I would handle the situation than have dad remind her to thank you for your help.

sunshinex's picture

This is such a good point and one I missed entirely. If DH isn't stepping up to the plate and being a proper father, that's the real problem. If you can't trust him to take care of his own child's lice properly, than maybe it's time to have a conversation with HIM about it. Don't take it out on the 8 year old special needs child though. She needs help right now, and it sucks that her father is incapable, but I do think it'd be great for you to help her out. Then have a conversation with DH and decide where to go from there.

jennygirl11's picture

You nailed it, MorriMom. We have been married for a little less than a year. I'm just like all of you that I have come to love on this site - thought I could "change him," help him to be a good father, all of it. He has two girls and they live with us full time. His oldest is wonderful and I would do anything for her. I used to do as much as I could for the youngest - laid out outfits for school, laundry, story time, you name it. I tried to set basic rules like "put your clothes in the dirty clothes hamper" and make sure she went to bed at a decent hour, but it grew old very fast because I got no support from my husband, who refuses to discipline for ANYTHING because she is a) the baby and b) has special needs. She is very sweet in many regards, but feral in many others - like brushing her hair. I would have to tie her up and tranquilize her to be able to comb through her hair every day for two weeks, like this is going to require. I will clean the house, I will wash her clothes, but I draw the line at picking nits out of an uncooperative child's head who is that way because her father hasn't stepped up and brushed her hair for the first seven years of her life and left it up to her teachers.

Her BM is a nice woman who desperately wants custody, but because of bad prior choices is not able to afford to pursue it now. She is equipped to deal with this and would, gladly.

Evil3's picture

I think I need more background info before I can comment. I'm thinking back to when my SKs 25 & 27 were little and my DH idolized them so much that he thought their lice were adorable and that everyone would want them, so why treat it. If that's your DH's attitude and you can't seem to get him to parent no matter what you do, then perhaps this is the last straw for you. Does your DH undermine everything you do? Are you afraid that you'll put forth efforts to rectify the lice problem only to find out that your DH allowed his kid to hang onto her favourite stuffed animal only to reinfect everything? That's what my DH was like with his precious poopsie doodleses. If that's the case, I can understand why you would take your DS and tell your DH that you'll be back when your DH adequately deals with the lice problem. However, if that's not the case, then you might be a little harsh as it is your SD who is going to suffer the most. Maybe come back to us and give us more info, so we can give you more appropriate opinions on why you feel like moving out and leaving the lice issue for your DH to handle.

jennygirl11's picture

There are professional lice removers??? That is a genius idea. Thank you Lilac.
He picked her up from school and the nurse said it's not a bad case - only a few eggs so far, so hopefully they caught it early enough that it won't be so hard to treat.