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My 7yr old SS is freaking me out!

Kelly's picture

I've got a 7 3/4yr old stepson who just recently moved in with us. Lately he is making me very uncomfortable. Maybe this is behavior i'm getting ready to explain is not so out of the ordinary. But it just seems soooo bizarre that it is freaking me out!!! My SS has always made comments about me being pretty. I never thought much about it. Then lately over the last few weeks he has been asking me several times a day to rub his back or stomache or legs. I decline and say he is too young to be so achy and go watch tv. Then last weekend he walked up behind me while I was on the computer, reached around and put his hand on my breast. I grabbed his hand and when I did he grabbed the button of my 14 yr olds football picture I was wearing (his football game was that night) and tried to make it out like he was just looking at the button. But he VERY clearly cupped his hand on my breast. It was not an accident. Then the other night my husband, my SS and I were sitting in a resteraunt and he said "let's play a game, who wants Kelly to be their wife forever raise thier hand" He raises his hand. Today he comes in and asks me to take off his shoes and socks like I do for his dad. I said "no you can take off your own shoes and socks".

Is this behavior something you have EVER heard of before with a stepson towards his stepmother? And was the child this young?! I'm starting to think his mother molested him or something. He did sleep in the bed with her up until this past May when we got him from her. Am I just over reacting?

And in case you were wondering, I am POSITIVE he has never seen my husband and I in a compromising position and we are not the "public display of attention" kind of people.

You can just sit there with your mouth hanging open agast or comment, your choice. It weirds me out too.

Nise's picture

WOW! Sounds kind of Freudian!! I’ve never heard of this before other than the famed “Oedipus Complex” but I don’t have any direct experience with this sort of thing or know anyone who has…I’m sure given the fact that you have some issues, he is in some sort of counseling and I would DEFINITELY let his therapist know of this behavior. Also, I would be very careful especially since I know that one of the ladies on this site has been formally accused of abusing (physical I believe) their SD…NOTHING about his behavior seems normal to me! I would definitely have the therapist look for signs of sexual abuse!

Make a GREAT Day!

Juanita's picture

My fiance's son is the same way! He's 6 years old and his mother passed away shortly after his birth. I try to be sensitive to that and understand that he's excited about having me around but his demands for physical affection and closeness is exhausting. He constantly wants to sit by me, hold my hand and is forever trying to be physically close to me. I can't count the number of times I've turned around and tripped over him. I've also gotten compliments from him on my appearance which I find unsettling. My fiancé has noticed and tries to put some distance between his son and I by sitting in the middle when we are watching tv and having his son hold his hand when we are out and about but it never lasts. The first chance he get's his son is back over next to me. I also worry that by his father continuing to put himself in the middle might ruin any potential bond between his son and I. My worst fear is that his son feel rejected but continuing to give in to his demands for affection and closeness is beginning to wear me out. I'm also beginning to suspect that the boundary lines are blurred in his mind. He's begun to get upset when he doesn't sit by me or has to hold his dad's hand. It's almost like he wants me to be his girlfriend. He's commented a few times, "Dad she gets to sleep with me tonight" That comment made me feel very uncomfortable. His father firmly told him that was out of the questions and that was the end of it but I feel more needs to be said. The problem is I'm at a loss as what needs to be said. My fiance also seems unprepared to deal with this. My fiance is very sensitive to both his son's needs and mine. He makes an effort to leave his son with his sister-in-law and plan evenings alone with me at least twice a week. We also go on weekend trips alone fairly often. We do not live together but on average we spend 2 days alone a week (usually Wednesdays and Fridays) and 2 days (usually Saturday & Sunday) with his son. On those two days when his son insists on sitting in the middle or holding my hand he gives in. He figures we've had our time alone and considers the time the three of us spend together his son's time. He's trying really hard to please everyone and make this transition comfortable for all of us. I love my fiance very much and am looking forward to being a family with them next year but this issue has been very challenging for me. It's gotten to the point where I dread going places with the two of them. Does anyone have any advice? I want to resolve this issue before we get married and I move in with them.

hopeful's picture

Wise move to want to get this behaviour sorted out before your marriage. Some of this could be related to loss issues as well and not knowing how to be with a female parent figure. It is normal for little kids to have crushes on their teachers, etc. and to identify with their opposite sex parent as they grow up. Perhaps counselling would be helpful to find out why the behaviour is occurring and develop some measures that will benefit all in moving forward. Good luck, Juanita!

Juanita's picture

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. This situation has really been difficult for me. I just discovered this site today and I must admit I feel 100% better about the situation just knowing that there is some place I can go for advice. I'm 32 years old, have never been married and have no children. I feel that I have met the love of my life and really want us to have a healthy happy family. It's been a very happy time but also very overwhelming for me. You can be sure I will be a regular on this site. Thank you so much!!

sunnshine1723's picture

If you are thinking about all these issues now then it will hit you like a brick after you marry. I felt the same way about a year ago. Now I'm married and I find myself saying I wish I would have not gotten married. I love my husband but now I see I had a good thing before. I lived with him and his son's for 3 years before we got married. Things were strange but I thought, I'm a strong person, I can handle this. We got married and now a year later things have gotten way out of hand within our family. I wish I would have just said no let wait a few more years.

THink about it very hard. I know you love your fiance but you will love yourself more if you wait. After you marry it's so much harder. I'm living proff.

StressedSM's picture

Poor little boy. I think Hopeful has a point in that there is probably some loss issues going on. Being so young, he thinks/knows that when you marry his dad you will be his new "mom"... and he probably misses/needs that closeness and connection to a "mom" even if he doesn't realize it. I think some discussions are in order between you and your fiance, but also with your future SS. Counseling may help also. But, I think you have an opportuntiy to have a great relationship wtih your future SS and a really special bond with him. I wish you the best.

StressedSM's picture

I got the original post, and the comment from Juanita mingled together. My advice is still the same.. but now you both can share it. Smile