Mother in Law & Sister in Law Buddy-Buddy with BM
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Just a quick summary, DH and I have been married only 3 months but have been together for 3 years. He has a 4 year old daughter with BM who he was never married to. BM just had a new baby (with a new man) & I see a picture on Facebook of my sister in law with BM and her new baby in the hospital bed! Yes, my husband's sister (and I suspect his mother) went to visit his ex girlfriend in the hospital. Is it just me or is this extremely inappropriate???
p.s. Let me just say that if
p.s. Let me just say that if BM were a decent person, I may not care. However, she has made it her mission in life to ruin my relationship with DH. After all she has done to us, for his family to be that way with her I feel is extremely disrespectful.
This is betrayal at it's
This is betrayal at it's worse, this has happened to me therefore I don't waste any energy on my Mil and Sil. My Bh ex wife had her birthday party and I found out third hand they both attended this party. The adult skids make sure they are all still together at occasions, the birth of the grandskid has only reinforced their loyalty to that side of the family. It really hurts. But ultimately they are hurting their own son and brother as it causes problems between us.
I have hardened emotionally now and I don't give a shit anymore, to the point i don't care if i'm liked and accepted by them.
I have my family and my beautiful friends.
I am so tired of it all.
You have every right to feel betrayed by them.
And you know what if the
And you know what if the elderly mil ever gets sick, don't asked me to help out because it won't happen- as i will never forget-- ring your ex dil.
Does your DH have a problem
Does your DH have a problem with his sister being friends with BM? My DH would have already written off his sister, so he wouldn't care.
I guess that is the question
I guess that is the question I have too. DH has a brother and sil that he never speaks to. They are idiots... BM keeps in contact with them but neither of us care because we don't talk to them.
DH said he doesn't like it
DH said he doesn't like it but he is not a confrontational person AT ALL so a lot of these issues he just lets slide. Which obviously does nothing to help the situation. I just couldn't believe when I saw that picture! I know that they kind of have to have SOME communication with her bc of the kid, but visiting her in the hospital is just extreme! My feeling is you don't visit someone in the hospital unless you are very close with that person. When I asked SIL about it, she said she knew I would be pissed. Um... then why the hell did you go?? She made up a lie saying she took SD there .. well I know that's not true bc someone else was watching SD that day, not her..
So they went KNOWING it would
So they went KNOWING it would bother you? That's kinda messed up.
Exactly. It's not like they
Exactly. It's not like they had no idea what they were doing was wrong. I have no idea what to do or say or think here. I mean I just think that is so disrespectful and no one in my family would ever do anything like that to DH.
It feels like a breach in
It feels like a breach in loyalty to you (and it would to me too), but first of all, you cannot control this without sounding petty and second, they are related by blood, through the first child, and blood is thicker, bla bla. Focus on your family, I am sure these drama queens will get into a fight all on their own soon enough once it stops bothering you. Plus- get rid of family off your Facebook to start with. I started a new FB account recently with ONLY people I consider close BFFs and close confidants. That will send a message haha
I agree with this. I'd feel
I agree with this. I'd feel hurt too. But we can only control ourselves.
Christinen,
Use this as an opportunity to spend less time with ILs and more time with those who love you.
I agree with this too. I had
I agree with this too.
I had something similar happen last year. DH and BM are from another country. DH's family never visited him here - because BM forbid it. So they never came. 13 years of marriage his family never once came to see him at his home.
Fast forward, DH and I are in our new home 3 months, niece then SIL arrive. I completely welcomed them. BM invites SIL over for SS's family b-day party at her home. DH is not invived, but SIL is.
Granted, SIL was uncomfortable but was put on the spot - she went - I felt ill and very very very betrayed. I did not take this out on SIL - I actually felt bad for her I blame BM 100% but that doesn't change a thing. SIL went to BMs home for the party.
btw - SIL is the only person in DH's family who will speak to BM. Doesn't make it any better - then to add a little more insult to injury - BM asked SIL to take a package back to the other country for BMs brother. SIL agreed. That was just too much.
Last month my SO brother's
Last month my SO brother's wife (who has been in the family for about 26 years) told me that BM will always be family. I can either accept it or move on. I choose to not associate with her anymore. AS she IS NOT family. The kids yes. The bitch no.
Messed up. They really are
Messed up. They really are just amazingly crazy.
You know, most of these women were either never married to our DH's and if they were, it wasn't very long anyway. My idiot SIL and MIL did that. F#$%$#56 them all. We just stay away.
PS - my sister and her husband were married 20 years, yes, 20 freaking years...and dated about 4 before that...they divorced...they have kids together. Guess what? Do I talk to him? Ah, yes. If I run into him at a friend's house or something, I say hi and I am nice. He is MY son's godfather and when we go to the US, we do call him, say hi and tell him we are in town. He will usually come over maybe 30 minutes to see our kiddo or ask us to meet him somewhere. That's it. Other than that, no contact. I see and talk to my nieces/nephews and always encourage their relationship with their dad. If they post pics of them together I am nice and say "great pic, hope you had a good time with your dad's family, with your dad...etc". That's it.
These women are just crazy.
Thanks for the responses. I
Thanks for the responses. I guess I really cannot control what MIL and SIL do. I can only control myself. DH did say that he doesn't like the fact they are friends with the BM but he said he can't do anything about it, which I suppose is true. I just can't believe they know DH and I don't like what they are doing, yet they continue to do it anyway. Morons }:)
Good way of thinking
I hear you - my MiL has become buddy-buddy with the crazy BM who stole from them & is in the process of taking her son to the cleaners through the courts.
You hit the nail on the head - you can control how you react to it. Thats how I've been trying to handle my situation, and it kinda helps you take a step back mentally from their drama. Leave them to it - they will most likely learn the hard way that what they are doing is wrong. Doesn't help you feeling disrespected though, I know!