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This might not be a popular opinion…..

Biostep7777's picture

So, I have backed off a LOT when it comes to attending step kid's activities. Not only am I super busy right now with my own kids, school and working but I can't stomach being around HCBM.
 

I would get depressed and feel almost nauseous being at events that she was at. I always ask them about it after, wish they luck and congratulate them if they win so I do try to show that I care about what they do but I had to step back for my own mental health. 
 

Anyone else?? 

Harry's picture

People with out step kids just don't understand.  They watch too many movies and tv shows, of being one happy family. 
Sometimes people only get one shot in life to get that happy family.  That ended when SO marriage end with HCBM.

You don't have to break your backside to look good to the neighbors.  You don't have to be heading to the loony bin.  Nothing wrong with disengaging.  There a topic here call disengagement .   There must be a good reason for that 

CajunMom's picture

Where it doesn't bother you. It's hard though. I think most of us here are kind, loving people who want the best for others, including young people. After the last humiliating event at the hands of DH's kids, I was done. The 30+ people who witnessed the event have no problem understanding why. Those who know the story also understand. And for those that don't, they can go pound sand. My journey and I handle it how I see best.

So, keep your soul peaceful and continue to stay away from SK events. Before the total disengagement, I rarely went to DH's kid events. The stress was to hard on me. It was hard on him, too, but, hey...his kids, his job. Today, I have zero pain in telling people I have no connection with DHs kids or his grandkids. That was their choice and one I gladly accept now. (But I do hear some complaining is going on due to DH not visiting as much...LOL).

Stand strong...you are doing what's best for you.

Biostep7777's picture

Thank you!!!! This helps a lot. I think I feel guilty like I'm nog supporting them but it's just a terrible situation for everyone when I show up. Kids get weird, HCBM gets in between me and the kids, DH is stressed wondering what she's going to do, I hate being around her. Her energy is ugly and I literally can't tolerate being around such an insecure,jealous person. I just got to the point where I was like "this isn't good for DH, the kids of me....why am I doing this?" 

stepmomnorth's picture

It's completely reasonable if you don't want to attend. And also, probably a nice little break!  :) 

ndc's picture

I think you're doing the right thing.  BM here is NOTHING like the horrid BM you deal with and I still have no desire to see her, nor do I want to spend my valuable time at skid events. I go to some, but I don't feel obligated. I have my own DD and she keeps me busy. My SDs know I care about them and support them, and they don't need me at every tennis match and cheer practice to demonstrate it. 

For your own mental health and well being, and for your own kids, I think it's completely appropriate for you to pull back from skid events and BM encounters. 

Biostep7777's picture

Yeah I mean of course she says "she doesn't even go to their games" yeah. I wonder why. Ugh. And when I did go it was "it's very odd that she comes to their games" lol!!! 

ndc's picture

She's an awful, mentally ill woman. Don't give another thought to what she says. You and your husband can do no right in her eyes, so don't even try. You're giving her too much head space.

Biostep7777's picture

Oh I'm not. That's why I put the LOL. That's what I was saying. No matter what we do it's the wrong thing in her eyes. She's so mentally I'll it's crazy. Of course she doesn't think so though. She thinks she's the perfect mother. Haaahahaha!! 

halo1998's picture

BM will find fault with whaterver you....its a 0 sum game...ie there is no winning.  To quote an old movie..."The only way to win is not to play".

So don't play..if you want to go..go...if you don't then don't.  Its up to you.....just know that whatever path you take your personality disordered BM will just find fault.  Then when she does..consider the source...ie the source is unhinged.

Beaver thinks she is the PERFEEECCCTTT MOOOOOTTTHERRRR....just ask her she will tell ya.  LOL  She finds fault with everything I do.  I just carry on with what I want and what is good for our family. 

SKIDSarekillingme2's picture

If these events make you feel the way you are describing then you are definately doing the right thing.  Perhaps you don't feel protected and  safe in these situations.  If your partner doesn't have the influence to control the situation with BM and create a safe space for you then you are not doing anything wrong by removing yourself.  I used to call it "opting out" and reminded myself I have the right to feel safe and protected in all situations.

Biostep7777's picture

He's not the issue. He would shut it down then she would act like he was beating her. Just another situation that would not be good. Lol 

Cookieboom's picture

 I have stopped going to anything involving SS (Haven’t seen him in a long time) and it is much better emotionally on me.  The stress in dealing with her is too much…Wayyyyy tooo much....

As far as her saying you don’t go to games, who cares what she says, everything out of her mouth is going to be negative.  BM here told the courts that BF “Didn’t have the common decency of introducing us” HUH?????

BM convince the therapist has to stop therapy with BF/SS and he said he doesn’t have the moral compass to continue therapy with an abuser who chooses transients (That would be me) in his life over SS and told cops that BF attacked her because of me, that I am stealing drugs from patients and she was concerned, he attacked her when she tried to “warn him.”  And NOW she wants to meet me? Yeah right…not going to happen….

Like I said, you’re doing the right thing.  If you feel bad for not going, just talk to Skids.  When they come home from a game ask about their goals, accomplishments.  Be excited and happy for them…They’ll get it. (that’s what I will do with SS if I ever see him again…)

I told BF that if the court ever said we had to meet (She's now on the "I need to meet Christy" BS) to say "Sorry, my GF doesn't meet with adulterers who abandon their children."  (she ran off with a married man and left SS with BF)  but I'm the "skank"...