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Meddling Mother in Law

christinen's picture

My MIL has always been one to meddle in other people’s business, but lately she has been getting way out of hand and overstepping big time.

DH and BM had SD week on/week off up until August when SD started school. Now DH has SD all week and BM has her on weekends (well, she is supposed to.. that’s another story).

MIL keeps making comments about DH “not wanting SD” on weekends and acting like he’s taking the easy way out or something. The reason DH wanted to have SD all week is because our house is stable and BM’s is not AT ALL.

DH and BM made this agreement between themselves (it was actually my idea but MIL and BM do not know that) in order to 1. Give SD a stable place to stay while attending school and 2. To keep the custody 50/50.

DH is NOT trying to get out of taking SD. He would love to have SD full time, but she has a mother. MIL seems to forget that little detail.

How do you all handle meddling MILs??

Jsmom's picture

She is not allowed in my home or my life....Easy for me....Mine thinks I am after DH for his money and that I killed my first husband....She meddled in my family life with BM and SD17 after she sued us and is no longer welcome in our lives....DH's idea with his relationship with her. My relationship with her never existed since we got engaged....She is bi-polar and not medicated....

Do not allow her to have an opinion in front of you...Just cut it cold.

hereiam's picture

If he has your SD all week, how is he taking the easy way out? Your DH needs to tell his mommy that that is the agreement, the weekends are when SD visits her mom.

I don't have a MIL, she died before I was in the picture. I have a few undesirable SIL's, though, and they can fuck off and take their opinions & comments with them (they are the last people that should be giving parenting advice).

christinen's picture

He's definitely not taking the easy way out. He's doing what is in SD's best interest. BM may be a piece of crap, but it's not in any child's best interest to not see her mother (unless it's an abuse situation).

The problem is DH has to see MIL every day! He drops SD off with her in the morning (she doesn't work), MIL puts SD on the school bus, then DH picks her up from MIL when he gets off work. I think she is way too involved.

Yes, it's convenient for DH and we thought she enjoyed spending time with SD (she does the same with all her other grandkids) but the way she has been making all these comments lately has me wondering.

I told DH he should transfer SD to the school district by our house and I will put her on the bus in the morning. He would just have to arrange for after school care for a couple hours until one of us gets off work. I think this needs to be nipped in the bud.

If MIL doesn't like the arrangement, she can be cut out of it.

christinen's picture

Wow that sounds exactly like my MIL!! She is always telling DH he needs to get full custody of SD (like any court would ever give a father full custody). It's ridiculous.

BM's a total piece of trash, don't get me wrong- she has a drug addiction and mental health history, she doesn't work, she's uneducated, and she doesn't actually have a home- she just stays with people- kind of like a drifter lol.

Should she have full custody of her (or any child)? Hell no! She's beyond unstable. HOWEVER, she is STILL SD's MOTHER. DH has even said he doesn't want to take SD away from BM so I am not quite sure what MIL's issue is. It's definitely best that SD stay with us during the school week, but it isn't hurting anyone for her to see her mom on weekends. MIL seems to be the only one who is unhappy with the arrangement!

Patsy's picture

If it is her opinion and she is sharing it with DH and I then I just let it lye. If my husband is taking her advise over mine I argue with him and try to make him see things my way. LOL because you all know we think we are right. If her opinions are truly upsetting my husband I advise HIM to confront her about it. I advise him not to "counsel" her with the reasons he is doing something just that he needs to be firm with her and TELL her what he has decided and move away from the subject and if MIL brings it up again then he has to TELL her again. It seems to work for my DH. Your DH knows why you and him decided to do this he doesn't have to keep repeating himself to his mom about the reasons for his actions, just that this is what he chooses and she can like it or not.