Life is tough enough without adding this....
I have a lot of feelings whirling around my head. I just hope that my pen can do my thoughts a little justice.
Step parenting is a no-win situation especially for the children & the step parent.
The children that have suffered the destruction of their home, their rock, their solid foundation are literally forced to "visit" their parent & sometimes "visit" and share their parent with someone else. AND sometimes even have to share their visit with a new child that took their place. Even for the "perfect" child, this would be tantamount to turning their world upside down. To this I say to the parents to stick it out if possible even if it means living together as "buddies" for the kids. Your sacrifice, if not viewed as one, will only benefit YOUR offspring and possibly theirs also.
The step parent many times innocently walks into this picture with the most sincere of intentions & does not realize the Katrina-like forces that are about to enter their life. No one wants to be mean/cruel/over-bearing but when all of the kindnesses are being over-ruled by "spoiled" step children and guilt-ridden new spouses something in the common-sense receptor in the brain starts to click. A sort of inappropriately placed sense of responsibility (especially from women that have no children of their own) is assumed by the new step parent that adds to all of the chaos. The only problem that is greater than all of this turmoil for the step partent, is the financial brick that is thrown at them. This well-intended individual many times enters a never ending need for their money. This person may have already raised a family and was ready to start enjoying the fruits of their life-long labor and feel that their Skids "need" cell phones or a dreamlike rehab facility. Or this innocent soul might be someone who, for whatever reason, never had children & thought this new "challenge" might be a way to contribute something positive to the world. The beauty of innocence. What is that old addage? Ignorance is bliss? Ya think so?
I apologize for the rant, and I apologize to anyone that I offended. These are just some deep-seated feelings that I wanted to share especially to those newbies who are not quite sure if they want to enter the Superdome of potential problems that might lie ahead.
Very true
Sad, but true. Having been there in a "bad situation" I know what you mean, but I also think (and hope) that the ones of us going through the tough times are a minority of step parents. My hope would be that most people want to have the best future for their kids -- even if that means teaching them to behave correctly. I would like to hope that most people are "adult" enough to eventually put their divorce behind them and be the best parents they can for their children. Even if that means getting along with the ex spouse.
No, life was never, ever promised to be fair and often it is a mean nasty, dirty alleyway instead of the nice beautiful shaded tree lane winding through the country.
Yeah, I am an optimistic bastard aren't I?
Kevin
Yes you are!
I wish that were the case, but I am afraid that most people that have 2nd marriages with steps involved are facing these types of problems. It says a lot for not volunteering for this stuff. If I had to do it over, I would have waited til the youngest were up and out.
We chose our path
Yes, everything Angel said is true. She only chipped the tip of the iceberg. However, I know there is a better way that God intended us to live on this planet. We expect the Middle East to change their views, and the Jews and Palestinians to stop their fighting. Then why can't we with so few players not find a peaceful middle ground. Have we not enough love and intelligence in our individual souls that we alone could not make a difference.
We are lucky to live 80 good years on this planet. Up towards the end it might not be that fun anymore. Most of us are creeping to the middle zone at least. So for me I ask myself what am I making of my life. Has it been a life worth spent? I haven't nor will I earn a Nobel Peace Prize, or any notoriety that would effect the world. I do have a very lively solar system, filled with beauty and chaos, that I alone can influence and do every day. Positively or negatively. If anyone needs me, it is my family with all its extensions, even these step kids. Sounds funny coming from me, the SM who stays away and is resentful. What if I decided not to be resentful. What if I tried to do things totally differently. What if I found my peace and let them in...
We chose our path in life. Mine has been bumpy and crazy. I think this path is one for me to grow on. I've wondered why I find such difficult terrain to walk my path. I guess now that I need a challenge to not be bored. Or I just failed miserably in previous lives and I have a lot to make up for now.
I have met loving unconditional people who have changed my life when all my porcupines were extened facing out. I would like to be that person. Kind, accepting, loving, a person at peace. A safe place to call home. Even for my step kids and even for their mom.
So I am trying. And like downhill skiing, I fall down, and down again. Some times I slide and have to start all over. But I'd like to get down this path. It's my choice. I'm here, still, and today, after a good nights sleep (that was a first in many many months) a couple days of tears, and lots of purging. I'm ready to start down my path again. Little steps, no expectations, and I'm on a quest to find my peace and let them in.
Believe it or not, even the bitching I do here on this site is helping me be more open.