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Life from HELL

theparenttrap's picture

I am so relieved to read on here that I am not the only one. I don't even know where to begin. My husband is depressed and has 4 biological children (ages 17, 12, 9 and 4). I have 3 biological children (ages 7, 5, 5). All but one lives with us full time (his oldest sometimes lives with her grandparents because she got tired of all the bullshit - and I don't blame her). I have a 9 year old SS who says, "f--- you", "c-ck sucker," flips me off and beats up all the kids in the house. I am a social worker and I was worried social services would be called for all the bruises my 5 year old had on him! I took the child to therapy and for the most part he has gotten better about not leaving bruises, but still pushes and shoves and sometimes kicks. My 7 year old daughter says she hates that she gets beat up in the house. My 12 year old SS once tried to break the window in the pickup and called me a "b----" as we were driving because I smacked his leg to give me a water bottle, which he refused to give me (I was trying to make sure the kids would stop to pee every 15 min so didn't want them to have the water and asked nicely - and with a raised voice - for it several times). The older kids all baby the 9 year old (who is a cruel and mean spoiled brat), as does my husband. My husband grew up in an alcoholic home and felt like the scapegoat for everything. He feels like my 9 year old SS is now that scapegoat and tries to make him feel better by not being harsh. My husband is withdrawing more and more from me and taking the kids' side more and more. I feel like I am not respected and not backed up. My husband has a complex about women always leaving him and assumes I will to. We've come to the point where I am not going to discipline his 9 year old because it always escalates, but I feel like his 9 year old got exactly what he wants then. I am a loving parent and have been very patient through all of this. My husband and I have gone to counselors and I don't feel like he takes much into consideration. He lets his kids run the show and allows them to play rated M video games and watch rated R movies (all except the 4 year old). I have fought with him over this until I am blue in the face. We did get married very quickly. I don't want to give up on our family and I love all of them, but I am worried that I am losing a little piece of myself every day and worry about my biological children who are being influenced by this horrible behavior. HELP!!!! Feel free to ask any questions!!!!

Rags's picture

So, 6 of seven kids are stuck with abject failures as parents. Your DH has spawned and tolerates toxic crotch droppings and you continue to serve up your own children as sacrificial offerings to your DH's toxic spawn.

You and DH need to have CPS visit your home and give the two of you clarity.

I am beyond floored by the hell you continue to subject your young children to.. :jawdrop:

Gimlet's picture

You can't be serious. You are letting your children be abused in your home, you are a social worker, and you are honestly asking what you should do?

hereiam's picture

My only question is, "Why?"

Why did you put yourself and your kids in this situation and why are you staying?

Aniki's picture

What the FACK?? You are a social worker and you LET your children be ABUSED?

What tommar said is correct. You are putting GETTING SOME over the physical and mental safety of you're children. YOU are a FAILURE as a mother. And if you are indeed a therapist, you should be fired. Maybe get a job as Pooper Scooper.

If this crap is REAL, I would like to report you myself. I'm going to go :sick: now. SMDH

creolemom84's picture

I think you should pack your bags and your kids and run!!! From my experience, I too took a lot of shit and still get no respect from those little demons to this day!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your children will probably distance themselves from you as they get older. They will recognize that you put them in a toxic situation and allowed them to be victimized. Is that what you want?

So you married in haste? Okay, admit you've made a mistake and extricate your children and yourself. You can't fix your spouse or force him to step up as a parent, and you're neither Mary Poppins nor Mother Teresa. Focus on YOUR KIDS.

Disneyfan's picture

So your ex isn't aware of the crazy house you live in? If he is, why hasn't he tried to get full custody of your children and demand you only have supervised visits?

Your children should not be with you because you aren't capable of putting their wellbeing ahead of your marriage.

Please let this one be a fake

FrenchPeas's picture

What a crock of crap. Your choose this so why ask for help but I agree with Rags on

never-a-dull-moment's picture

Such a great "supportive" group.

Put your feet in the shoes of another social worker. Look at your training. What do you see? What would you recommend to those parents that you encounter? What would you do for those other children in similar shoes?

Marriage takes the work of both partners. Counseling isn't the only magical cure. It's an ingrediant to the recipe of making your family work. Weigh your options. Can the problem child go reside with another relative? DH needs to see a dr about getting his depression meds tweaked. You can't save this marriage and family alone. If he isn't willing to do the work of saving this family, then why should you? Separate. Move out with your kids. I know it's not that easy, but if you saw your BFF in the same shoes, you would tell her to do the same thing too.

(((HUGS))) Good luck!