LAZY DH!

christinen's picture

I am just wondering if any of the other SMs here have this issue.. My DH does not understand all the crap I put up with to be with him. No one wants to be a stepmom! We only do it because we just so happened to fall in love with a man with a kid. When we were little, we didn’t dream about growing up & raising someone else’s child. Give me a freakin break! In addition to the obvious, my DH is downright lazy. Not only does he not get many hours a week at his crappy paying job, but he does nothing around the house either.

Most days, I come home from work & he is sleeping on the couch. The house is a mess and it looks like he’s definitely been there for long enough to clean it but chose not to. So DH goes to work for a couple hours a day, comes home, makes a mess, and sleeps. I come home from working at least 8 hours, clean the house and cook dinner. I mean it’s getting extremely ridiculous. I know a lot of men do this, but usually in those cases, they are the ones in the “provider” role and that is not the case with us. I just feel like I’m getting jipped or something because I put up with so much crap, the least he could do is clean the house! He doesn’t even make enough money to pay his share of the bills and he has taken me on like 1 date the entire time we have been together (3 years). Every time we go out, I have to pay (I make double what he does, and that’s when he works 40 hours a week, which he never does). I’m sick of this crap!!

I am becoming very resentful to DH and I don’t know how to handle it anymore. I feel like I’m missing out. The other issue is right now we have a 2 bedroom house. I very much want my own child, but skid takes up the only extra room in our house. DH can’t even afford his share of the bills we have now, so there’s no way we can move into a bigger house. If I wanted to pay more, we could, but then I would just be even more resentful. But if I don’t do that, I will still be resentful because I can’t have a room for my own baby because it’s taken by a skid!

Yes, I knew he had a kid when we got together. I also knew I have a master’s degree and he barely finished high school, so I should have been prepared for the difference in salary (our counselor even warned me of this!) I basically just feel like he’s getting a free ride and it’s not fair. My own mother and friends all say the same thing. Every morning I wake up and think “what am I DOING??” Does anyone else have these feelings?

Sorry for the rambling. Sometimes I just need to let it out. My family and friends are all sick of hearing about my DH/skid issues so this website is all I have left.

WTHDISUF's picture

I deal with stuff I wouldn't have chosen but a line in the sand for me is a non-productive person. Not only are you taking care of DH as if he's a young roommate, you're taking care of his kid. That's just unacceptable.

3familiesIn1's picture

Oh honey - you just described my life before I divorced my now XH. I also knew there would be a salary difference, I got married, I had 2 children, I put my XH through school for 3 different things (divorced him during the 3rd schooling attempt) My XH so graciously decided to quit his crappy self employed job after the first baby to stay home so I could continue working - it made sense... But apparently we were on different pages. I thought that meant for a short period of time so he could re-tool and return to work ASAP to help contribute financially to our household. Not sleep all day, call me at 3 asking what I was going to make for dinner that night or if I could come home early because he was TIRED.

My XH wore this badge of honor for being a SAHD - only all he did was STAY AT HOME - he didn't cook, clean, or even parent - he basically was just a babysitter of his kid, waited on me to come home after a 9 hour day, asked me constantly to work from home if I could or go in early so I could be home by 4 instead of 6 beacsue it was tiring watching our daughter all day. I finally got him to start attending school part time at nights for SOMETHING since he obviously wasn't going to return to work on his own.

I finally couldn't care for my 2 daughters and my lazy ass never want to do anything mooch of a so called husband. So I divorced him. Want to know what he did? He financially took me for everything, whines how much better his life was before I left him because he had more money, got his gf knocked up, had another baby, QUIT his job to stay home and only works part time now and complains how much better I have it now. OMFG

Lazy mooches don't change.

christinen's picture

OMG my DH says he wants to be a stay at home dad too :O
I just don't get where the laziness comes from, and I don't see it as anything other than pure laziness! I have even tried to send my DH to school at night, found him a program and even said I would pay for it, and he refuses to even go. Like God forbid he do anything to better his situation and his FAMILY. Meanwhile, I put myself through school while working full time and am now a CPA. And he moves furniture for a couple hours a day. Who would have ever thought... Sad

Let me ask you- when did you finally decide you had enough? I love my DH and even want a child with him (I don't have any of my own) but I don't know if I can deal. I have tried everything I can think of to motivate him to do better but he just WON'T.

christinen's picture

I know.. I feel like I shouldn't.. It's just that I'm getting older and I don't know how many more childbearing years I have left.. If I were to divorce him, who knows how long it will take to find someone else.. I know that sounds stupid but I'm just thinking logically.. I don't want to miss my opportunity to have a child.. But I also feel like something is stopping me.. Every time we talk about trying, I change my mind.

hippiegirl's picture

I feel really lucky. My DH works 2 jobs to take care of us. Christine, is there any way for you to get out of this bogus relationship? You're wasting yourself, hon.

FYI...stay at home dad means cook, clean, and take care of kids. He sounds like he does none of these things.

christinen's picture

hippiegirl - You're right, he doesn't do any of those things. All I want him to do is get a FULL TIME JOB & support his family. Is that too much to ask?? & no, I am not a gold digger or anything like that - I have my own money; I just want him to have his own money too. I don't want to support a 30 year old man & a kid I can't stand.