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In Laws do all of DH's Parenting for him!

newmommy05's picture

Submitted by newmommy05 on Tue, 05/08/2012 - 10:10pm

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Blended Family Issues

My situation is that we live 8 hours away from both our families. So everytime we go for a visit, we have to pick up his son and take him with us to spend the weekend at my in laws. So technically we don't really have weekends of just us and SS. What bugs me is that my DH is so excited to get to see his son and "spend time" with him, but once we get to my in laws, its all hands off for DH. My MIL makes him breakfast, lunch, snacks, suggests fun activities, etc. My DH just goes and talks to his dad the whole weekend. Dh probably spends 20% of his time during the weekend to actually interact with his son. Now when SS does anything wrong, DH doesn't do anything, just kind of ignores it. My MIL steps in to discipline the kid. I just don't get why after months of anticipation to see his son, he doesn't seem all that interested in parenting when his son is around.

janeyc's picture

Submitted by janeyc on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 5:08am

That is so old fashioned, when men would select a new wife just to cook, clean and look after the kids ahhhhh! Its good that you escaped from that.

my.kids.mom's picture

Submitted by my.kids.mom on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 1:16am

Some men just don't know any better. They don't have that bonding instinct. It sounds like he is just trying to comply with what his parents want instead of putting his and his son's needs first. He reminds me of my ex, who was not really parented by his highly religious parents who spent every waking moment at the church, while he was with the kids' groups in church. He is still trying to win his parents' approval, which it sounds like your dh is by going and spending the time with HIS dad. Who knows? Have you asked him about this?

newmommy05's picture

Submitted by newmommy05 on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 7:15am

I actually think he's doing it just to be around his son, do you know what I mean? It seems like he likes to have his son around, but not do any of the grunt work associated. I can kind of see it in the way he is with our 4mth old too. It drives me nuts!

janeyc's picture

Submitted by janeyc on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 5:01am

Hmm this dosn't surprise me, DH needs to stop being so selfish, your mil propably things that if she says anything, maybe her don won't visit as much, at the end of the day your mil has raised her kids or has she lol, DH needs to think about this parents a bit more, do you ever feel like you would rather stay at home, if you do don't be afraid to say so, expecting a grandparent to discipline your ss is not on, this is so cheeky, free lodging, free child care for the weekend, no wonder he's happy to drive that far at the weekend if he gets to spend it like that. Its nice that you care about your in laws like this.

newmommy05's picture

Submitted by newmommy05 on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 7:17am

Yes I'm pretty sure he likes all the free childcare and being able to enjoy being around his son, knowing that he's there, but not have to do any of the hard stuff. BTW I wish I could say that I'm saying this stuff because I care about my in laws, but I'm more just bugged by DH's behaviour. I havent't said anything to him about this yet. Would it be not my place to comment?

newmommy05's picture

Submitted by newmommy05 on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 10:17am

I've been thinking that it's not that bad now because we are so far away and MIL has been helping him parent his son, but what's it going to be like when SS actually comes to our house for a weekend...I hope he doesn't expect me to take over and be his parent. I don't know if hes just lazy or actually doesn't know how to parent his son...is there such a thing? DH has been in SS7's life since he was a baby and had him EOW til he was 4 then about once every 2-3 months til now. Is it possible that he doesn't know how to be a parent? Should I suggest some sort of parenting class? even BM had suggested a parenting class for DH before and he had brushed it off but now I'm starting to see why..

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 11:37am

Your DH may be acting that way because he doesn't see his son that often and only wants it to be "fun" and no discipline/parenting. My DH is the same way but we have SD every other week for the full week! He has major guilty dad/disney dad syndrome. SD stays with DH's mom during the day while he is at work so she is really the one parenting her on DH's weeks. The rest of the time, DH just wants to constantly entertain her and make sure she is having a great time (insert eye roll). It's completely ridiculous.