jealousy

bigdaddy's picture

I have been dating someone whom I truely love. I have 2 children (5 and 6), she has 3 (8,9,14). The 14 year old does not live with us, but believe me we still have our hands full. I love her kids and she seems to love mine as well. Our biggest problem seems to be jealousy, not just from her, but me as well. I am a bit jealous of her time with her kids and I see her jealous when I spend time with mine, but that has all gotten much better, but now it is the exs. Her ex has been dragging out their divorce for over a year and half now with no good reasons I guess he is just trying to delay paying a higher child support bill. Whenever he calls, or emails, or anything I get a bit upset and the same is true for my ex when she calls, but she and I have been apart for over 4 years and I never talk with her, also she is in a nursing home and does not even remember a life with me or the kids, so to me it seems completely different. However, I know that is not fair. I once came in and saw my gf on the couch laughing and talking on the phone with her ex, and she yelled at me when I got upset and just responded, well he is the father to my kids, but I am not allowed to talk, or correspond in any way with my ex, someone who does not even really know me. I have no family that I can talk with and 2 times I called my GF's mom and then got yelled at for doing that. How do you do it, is it really this hard, all the jealousy from both sides. When she and I first started dating, well after about 10 weeks, she met her ex and had sex with him. She said she was just saying goodbye after 15 years of marriage, but how can I believe this, when she still obviously has some feelings even though she says these feelings are of anger and not love. I love my GF so much, but am I just blinded by that? Is all of this so hard because it is not right, or is it that good things just require more work? ok, well I think I feel better, I dont remember ever having all of these damn emotions being a guy before, must be something in the water.

happy's picture

all you both have trust issues.. She did something "sex" when you guys were together. That right there is your problem. That is why you get jealous of the ex. Look deep inside yourself and what I just said will hit you.. And you will realize this.
Being jealous of the kids its normal. Because you are in love and you both want to be the main focus of each others world.
You will as time find a happy medium with that. I have been where you are with that.. And now its not such an issue.
Come here if you need to vent, or need advice. You will find comfort here with all of us. I know that I told someone the other day that when I first came here for awhile I was angry and thought this was making me worse but it made me look at myself and realize that some of my problems were with myself. Not my SK and not my hubby or his ex. But me as a person. I am now working on all that and am finding comfort and peace.
Trust me you need to work on trusting her and talk to her about how that hurt you and tell her you realize why you are so upset all the time when she talks to her ex. Its not common to go have a sex fling to say goodbye to your ex. Its just not. and she tried to justify it and cannot. And if you love as you say you will work on letting go with communicating with her and working on relationship harder and then it will all come together.

JMO
happy