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Jealous of stepkids??

peachgirl's picture

I hate to admit it, but i think i might be jealous of my stepkids. My fiance has 2 kids a boy and a girl, and i must say i get jealous and i feel resentment around them. How do i get over this??

hereiam's picture

How long have you been with this guy?

This might not be the relationship for you. Between your fiance and his ex expecting you to watch their kids and run them around, a high conflict BM (and no, they don't just one day become NOT high conflict), and now this....

It just doesn't seem conducive to your happiness.

peachgirl's picture

Thats what i have been starting to think. I feel stupid for getting involved. I have known my fiance for 10 years, and we have been together 2 years, he proposed this past christmas. It breaks my heart, im in love with him, but i feel he is a softie and a pushover and BM knows what buttons to push.

hereiam's picture

Don't feel stupid, you don't know until you know and that takes time... a lot of time.

These dynamics and issues, with exes (especially high conflict) and kids, can take time to really surface and reveal themselves. Learning how your partner deals with it takes time, as most put on a show for awhile. Most people don't really give it enough time, they fall in love, move in, get engaged, married, and then find out the real truth but feel stuck.

The saying, "love is not always enough", is said a lot but it is so true. It's also true that you will love again.

peachgirl's picture

Thank you for your advice. I hate feeling like this, i came out of a really bad marriage where there was emotional and mental abuse. I dont want to live like that again, i dont want to walk on eggshells. my heart is beating so fast  

may927's picture

I think you need to really decide if it's worth it for you to be in this relationship.  I've struggled with jealousy but will stick around because my husband is wonderful (not a disney dad, has boundaries, puts our marriage first, etc), hid kids are respectful and have accepted me from the start, and BM kind of sucks but is not HCBM.  Even though I have a great set up, it's still hard for me.  It's a rough road, so I think you really need to analyze if you can work through it.  Reading all the posts on here has helped me to realize that I need to stick with it.  

Rags's picture

Nope.  Never.  I'm just not the jealous type I guess.  I wasn't even jealous when my adulterous cavern crouched skank whore of an XW got knocked up by her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy while we were still married.

Good riddance to any partner who cheats .  And... no partner is worth being jelouse over.  If you are, they are not worthy.  Even if it is their kids you're jealous If.

Redgreenandgold12's picture

I just remove myaelf.. I hate watching my bf and the little girl interact.  We been trying to have a baby and its not happening so i have to watch him be a daddy to this little girl feom a person who is a digrace of a human being..she treats him like crap.. 

The little girl is spoiled and never says please and thank you. I have to tip toe around her if i say not to do something or suggest anything she tells me her mommy says she can... At this point I don't say nothing anymore..

Ahe watched tv so close like she is looking for dust i used to ask her to back up but hey her mommy said she can.. So go ahead..  I told her she cant have ice cream right before dinner ..she told her mom im mean and it caused an argument with him and her.. He did have my back but then her fussing got him in a bad mood and i have to deal with that once they hang up..

Then she will stop her from coming over for a week or 2.. So I just stopped interacting.. I tried to be nice at one time and started combing her hair since she came over looking crazy.. I washed and bliw dried it and put some braids..the little couldnt believe how cute she looked

  Mind you I have a cosmetology license.. So i know what im doing.. The mother tells the little girl I burned all her hair off.... Seriously.. She told me this when i asked her if she wants me to do it again.. Usually I would allow her to say her mommy said and accept it.. This time I was like hell no... So i said well sometimes mommy's are wrong and your hair is perfectly fine. I think your mommy would like to do your hair herself. 

She coming over today like isnt she supposed to be quarantined... Anyways im going to my moms house when she gets here .. Sorry not sorry.. Let them bond. I'm clearly not needed here when she is around

Harry's picture

You most likely always be jealous.  Some times the jealous is warranted .   You will never have a kid free relationship with your BF.  You will never have the kid free days, vacations alone time.  Some people don't care most have hard times dealing with it 

ldvilen's picture

Piggybacking on Harry's comment. . . Sometimes with steps, jealousy is jealousy, but other times, it is not so much jealousy as it is justified? feelings due to being maligned or taken advantage of.  SMs are accused of jealousy all the time, but dare I say, many a time it falls into the latter category.  If you don't want to feel that kind of "jealousy," then don't put up with being unjustifiably maligned and taken advantage of.  Just say "no" and mean "no."  Easier said than done, but it can work.