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Is it bad that DH just took the skids home and I couldn't be happier?

boogeymom's picture

Is it bad that every time we drop off the skids @ BM's house after we've had them that it's, like, my favorite time of the week because it's the longest possible time before having them again?

We've just had them all Memorial Day weekend, and they've pretty much been their usual annoying selves from Thursday night until now. I work every day of the week, so when I get the very unusual full day off, I like to spend it in peace and quiet doing whatever child-free activities are possible, and not only have they ruined my Memorial Day with their presence, but they're also going to ruin Labor Day weekend AND Halloween as well. I've been with DH for 6 years, and have known the SS's (now almost 11 and almost 9) since they were 2 and 4...and they still act like they're 2 and 4. Everyone in DH's family kept saying, "They'll grow out of it, they'll grow out of it." When?!? SS11 is SUPER clingy and basically likes to be babied all the time. It's easy for a lot of people to baby the crap out of both of them because they're really small for their ages. It gets really annoying. Plus he has the need to say everything he's thinking out loud. Even DH is sometimes irritated by it. He follows adults around like a lost dog, especially DH, and when a grown-up isn't paying attention to him, he'll literally run into walls and fall down on purpose (which of course, he insists were accidental, then when I tell him to go downstairs if he's going to do that, he says, "I'll stop.") SS9 is OBSESSED with video games, computer, and TV. He literally doesn't want to do anything else during the day, and when we force him to turn off the technology, he gets all p.o.'d. He also expects people to wait on him hand and foot. Besides that, he literally has no impulse control WHATSOEVER. He basically just does whatever his impulses tell him to do at the time, whether it's skwawking, acting inappropriate in public (dancing in the middle of the store, standing on the chair at dinner, etc.), and God help us if he gets ahold of any of DH's tools. And he is LOUD! Plus neither of them listen, and SS11 is pre-pubescent, so he's now got a funky little attitude problem as well (which I also don't put up with).

We've literally been working on the exact same issues with them since DH and I started dating, and we had a pretty big fight about it yesterday. I told him I was at the end of my rope and that it really shouldn't take 6 years for them to learn what things are okay and what aren't, and that I could really only take so much. Basically I said I was pretty much to the point where I just wanted to leave because I can't be around them. They're both in behavioral therapy for their ADHD, and the therapist basically just told DH and BM the exact same things I've been saying for the last 6 years, but now the excuse is that "with ADHD, these things take a long time to take hold." BM thinks that because I'm not a mom, I don't know anything (which, btw, I have a Master's Degree in special ed, AND about a decade's worth of experience, AND I do Applied Behavioral Analysis on the weekend). But now that it's coming from the therapist who she's paying, it's all correct. It's like having free access to a car mechanic, but going to the shop anyway to pay someone else to fix the car when you could've gotten it done for free. I'm sure BM hasn't been doing ANYTHING the therapist has been telling her to do at home because it's actual "work" and "effort," so I'm sure therapy won't work. I can't wait until they're 18.

Sorry, just had to vent, thanks for listening all.

groovetheory's picture

No its not bad at all..everyone needs a break! I wish I could drop mine off for good at her moms - but I don't have that luxury. I have to deal with her 24-7 / 365. Have a good relaxing time!

aussiemum's picture

I can completely relate to that feeling of freedom when the SD went home after a weekend. But my SD now lives with me and I now look forward to those fortnightly weekends when she is not here.

I keep thinking I must be a horrible person for feeling this way when I knew my husband had a child before we got married. But it has always felt that a relationship wasn't allowed to blossom so it never has.

Before SD decided that she wanted to live with us we were talking about having bub #3. Now that has gone out the window and I know this is partly why I don't want her living with us. When she moved in that was one issue and then having her BM move in down the street, well that just made my a 6 month trial has now turned into 8 and I don't know how to approach the subject with my husband to say I don't want her here anymore.

LMR120's picture

Hell NO its not bad my skids just went home after being here all weekend and I actually ran around my empty house laughing. I HATE when they are here. I just dont like how they behave.

boogeymom's picture

Dude, LMR120, you took the words right out of my mouth. I also HATE being around them and their behavior SUX!! If I'm in the truck when we drop them off, I don't go up, I just sit there (so I don't have to see BM who I want to punch with my mean words), and then I sing "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year." Only replace "year" with "week." When I don't go with to drop-off (because BM has literally only shuttled them 3 times since the separation), the second that truck pulls out of the driveway, I'm like, peace the f out, and I start "air birding." Today, after DH came back from the drop-off, he even said, "Man, I love my kids, but the way they're acting these days really makes me not want to be around them." I love the summer time because DH's parents LOVE to take them camping (though being in cramped quarters with them 24 hours a day sounds like my idea of Hell), and BM won't let them take the Skids on her weekends, so we only have them for about 1 weekend/month from the end of the school year to the beginning of the next one. We won't have them again on the weekend for another month! I still have to deal with Thursday nights, but whatevs, they're still medicated until they wake up the next day. I really never wanted kids before I got married, and I knew the deal, too, but any remote spark or inkling I might have had before about wanting a kid of my own really just went out the window for keeps about 4 years ago. In fact, my DH and I have a pact that when I turn 32 (which would make him 38), if I still don't want to have kids, he could go ahead and have a vasectomy. I'm ready to do it now, it's a year early, but I don't care. His birthday is on Sunday, I may just surprise him with a little trip to the clinic. Wink

sapnaf's picture

I dont think its bad at all, most of the time i wish i could drop sd off at a farm like you would do with an unwanted cat. Everyone needs time for themselves.

cyberwoman's picture

I used to get anxiety attacks before my SS was scheduled to arrive for an extended stay. 14 years later, now that he is 22, I dread the days he is at my house. Something will surely brake, I will have to clean up his mess, flush the toilet after him and if I am unlucky missing $20 out of my wallet. What a nightmare!!!

unbelieveable's picture

Fsd's are leaving Saturday night for a week vacation which means I get more than half of this weekend and ALL of next weekend without any kids!!! YYYEEEESSS!!! I am thinking about throwing a party just because there will be NO sd's around. PEACE AT LAST. We have them every weekend - sometimes Just Saturday into Sunday and sometimes ALL weekend - what a mess. This BREAK for us has not happened for us since last September. I wish we just had them EOW...what a dream that would be.