Ipads.. seriously, where do you draw the line?
Alrighty..
Biomom bought the skids (SS12 & 14) iPads for Christmas last year.. sent them over to our house without so much as a courtesy head up on the rules, paswords, NOTHING.
Anyways.. I have struggled with this iPad issue for a while. The kids have passwords on them and when DH asked for them sk14 was cool with it, but sk12 threw a freaking fit. This was about 4 months ago and DH checked it then, but hasn't looked at it since.. SK12 has probably changed the password as well because he is a sneak like that.
There is also the fact that they both have NetFlix on the iPads and lord knows what else..
These kids are on these things CONSTANTLY.. the only time they are not on them is when they are consumed with the PS3 which we limit to 1 hour a day on school days.. then it's right to the iPads..
My struggle is this;
NetFlix.. uh, I know there are shows on there they shouldn't watch (Family Guy) and I can almost guarantee they are and we don't know about it because we can't see what they are doing (they sit off alone or in their rooms). Plus, I mean really? We have 2 TV's in the house and they need to be on the iPads watching shows now too? In addition to playing games on the iPad, PS3 and watching the other normal TV? Define enough?
Unlimited, unmonitored access to the internet... every expert says for you to monitor and limit internet usage for kids.. If they were sitting on their asses at a PC or had a laptop in their lap for as many hours it would be a lot more noticable and I'd be willing to bet DH would say something.. but the fact that they have iPads and they can go anywhere with them seems to make this less of an issue.. What guidelines do you suggest?
We are getting ready to have the skids full time in less than one month.. I refuse to allow biomoms lack of rules and parenting be the norm at our house.
Thoughts?
My first suggestion would be
My first suggestion would be having a meeting with DH about the rules you plan to set when skids come to stay. Write them down and figure consequences for breaking said rules.
Then, when skids come to stay, sit them down and go over the rules and consequences together. Let them know that this isn't bio mom's home, you have rules and they are expected to follow them. If they don't, the punishment you laid out will be enforced. And then FOLLOW THROUGH. Consistency is key here. If either of you falter on the consequences, they will just run you into the ground.
You could make a rule that they're not allowed to use their ipads in their rooms, only in common areas where they can be monitored. And definitely have them take their passwords off or give you both access to their passwords. At 12 and 14, they're in a dangerous place if they have unlimited and private access to the internet!
Enforce the rules and punishment and take away the ipads and internet from their rooms.
Good luck, but again you and their father have to be on the same page. I'd let dad be the one who enforces punishment on them if they break the rules. Otherwise, you look like the bad guy.
Yep. I agree. The only real
Yep. I agree.
The only real issue I see with Dh is that he thinks (as with all DH's) his kids won't look at or do things online they shouldn't.. he needs to get over that and err on the side of caution. Putting rules in place and stating them isn't accusing them of wrong doing.. it's saying these are the boundaries and these are the consequences.
I think he sees the issue.. we just need to figure out the parameters and consequences and het his head out of "my kids will never do any wrong" land..
Yeah, my DH had his head in
Yeah, my DH had his head in the clouds too about stepdevil. He used to give her his smartphone whenever she wanted and figured she'd never look at his texts or anything (she just plays games on it, he was convinced). Well, I texted him something on purpose just to see if she'd read it. I texted him "Hey honey, guess what? I'm PREGNANT!!"
This is before stepdevil14 knew we couldn't have any kids. She came flying out of her room holding DH's phone and said "dad, are you guys going to ever have a baby together?" And he said "Why would you ask that?" And she said "Just curious" (of course this was just after I'd texted him that, knowing she'd be playing with his phone). He looked at me and I looked at her and smiled and she flipped shit!! "You guys CAN'T have a baby together! It's not fair, *I* am your baby!" She threw his phone at the couch and went stomping off to her room. He was like "WTF was that all about?" I showed him the text and said "so, guess what? She DOES read your texts! Now look at the web history and see where she was at on the internet!" Come to find out, she'd been visiting PORN sites. She was 12...
I laughed a whole lot when I
I laughed a whole lot when I read that last part.
Because she probably wasn't visiting porn sites, lol. I'm still laughing.
It was your DH, and he pawned it off on her. He was probably like "oh, wow, who knew?"
You bought that.
Moms rules should have zero
Moms rules should have zero impact on your home. Dad is making the choice not to monitor or take the Ipads away while the kids are there.
That's the thing.. she sent
That's the thing.. she sent them over with NO rules.. lol - probably by design to cause issues because she loves doing that.
Your DH needs to set rules on
Your DH needs to set rules on the ipads, he should of and stuck with it the moment they came into the house. My dd has a smart phone, laptop, kindle, and a tablet. Tablet and phone are turned over at bedtime during the week and I sometimes randomly walk in take them and browse through them as is my right as a parent she knows this. The laptop has my own personal spyware, and key-logger I can view from my own laptop. Her kindle is the basic version I check it sometimes, she reads at bedtime so it's the only thing not as monitored. At 18 and when she is paying for her phone I'll stop looking, her laptop I'll remove the spyware. Same with ds, his cell isn't allowed in his room and I randomly check it.
There has to be limitations and rules, or they'll crack out on the electronics and get up to all sorts of trouble. Better to start enforcing it now rather when they are there all the time. Worst case they turn them over and don't get them anymore until passwords are turned over and adults have full access at all times. They'll delete and get sneaky too have to be very random about checking them, like walk up while their in the middle of being on them and check.
My DSO never monitors his
My DSO never monitors his daughters facebook acct, even after numerous warnings from me. I have been told of video chats with 19yo guys (she is 12) and foul language. I told her last year that her friends parents see this stuff and they won't want their kids around you. She still does what she wants, and has no friends anymore.
I TOLD YOU SO DSO.
I am completely with you on
I am completely with you on this issue, but I will tell you this from experience, if you want to set boundaries and/or monitor computer use, but DH is not bothered, then you may need to accept that there is little you can do to mitigate the undesirable impact of their iPads. Talk to DH, outline your concerns, find out his view, agree some boundaries, then watch to see if he enforces them. If he does, great, you can back him up and enforce them when he is not around, if he doesn't, or only enforces them in a partial inconsistent way, then step back and leave them to it. You do not want to be the bad guy coming between two teenage boys and their iPads when their parents are not bothered, you'll just make yourself stressed and unpopular and it will benefit no-one. If this were an issue to do with manners, general behaviour or household contribution I would say stand your ground, but when it's to do with how they spend their time you are better off accepting what their misguided parents allow.
Our rules are no internet in
Our rules are no internet in the bedroom (so no tablets) and we must be able to access them at all times. As it is the tablet we do have does have a passcode but only SO and I know it so we know when the kids get on. We do limit game and table time but will allow them to have movies on for background noise throughout the day if they like. There are days they won’t touch the TV or tablet at all and some days they are on them more but that’s reflective of us as adults in the home. It’s about moderation. Sometimes all I want to do is sit down and have an extensive gaming session but other days I’ll read for hours on end.