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I'm just a nanny

BadNanny's picture

Help! My 11 yo SD has been in trouble four times the last month: inappropriate attire-principal's office; cyber-bullying-principal's office; situation at football game with another boy pulling out knife-Police; sexting naked pix-principal's office. I disabled her phone the moment I found out that she send the pix from her phone (she lied that her BFF sent the pix). I am never allowed to parent, but I'm blamed for disabling her phone and this WILL be used against me. The parents don't parent her at all, but I'm expected not only to stay out of everything, but to pay for her various privileges.

BadNanny's picture

Thank you. I feel so alone in all this. He loves me and would never say mean things to me, but I know that it will create a divide. She looks for reasons to dislike me, has from Day 1. I have tried so hard for 3 years, it has gotten worse with 2 of the 3 kids- the girls, and they use me and abuse me. I take them places, spend time and money, yet they turn around against me behind my back. My friends call me the Bad Nanny because I'm not even allowed to parent them. Now she will pout about the phone and ruin the holidays. Her mother enables this behavior and I feel that she (or her "rich" BF) should get her a phone then. Not only is this phone bad for my SD, but it can attach my name to illegal activities.

BadNanny's picture

I'm just starting. The trend I see is that SMs on here still have a chance. I have none. I was TOLD to stay out of parenting. 100%. So, with this phone I am now 100% released.

BadNanny's picture

Yep. Good advice. I think once they all hit rock bottom, they'll realize that they should have allowed me to have input and that they DO need counseling. Hubby took the phone news better than I thought, he himself said that she got off track. Whew! Now the Wrath that will come with SD noticing that the phone is off- still to come!

SteelRose's picture

Who cares about an 11 yr old's wrath anyways? When I was 11 I got to do dishes and vacuum and play outside with my friends. Your sd is so beyond her years and is in over her head and there is no saving her, so just take the phone and the computer and throw them into the trash and wipe your hands of this kid. She should be doing chores and still playing with kids toys but alas this new generation is so out of whack us older adults haven't a clue what to do with them. It's terribly sad Sad

BadNanny's picture

I hope neither of them are sick. On the other hand, I am not about to be sick because of some toxic child or adult. Thanks all for your help! H

TheInvisibleSM's picture

Hey I'm new on this board but can't help but think that staying close to your DH would pay off for BOTH of you. Your relationship can be loving and strong while you may still take a step back from your 11 year old SD. He sounds like he realised that his daughter's behaviour was out of line and there are few choices for him. Well done on you! Smile

TheInvisibleSM's picture

Hey I'm new on this board but can't help but think that staying close to your DH would pay off for BOTH of you. Your relationship can be loving and strong while you may still take a step back from your 11 year old SD. He sounds like he realised that his daughter's behaviour was out of line and there are few choices for him. Well done on you! Smile

BadNanny's picture

Awe Thank You! Yeah, I feel bad for her but I also have my boundaries. It's a lot of work, so far a labor of love, though. She'll come around. It's not her I'm worried about, it's BMs attempts to "school her" in the wrong direction. Narcissism and ignorance can be very destructive!

BadNanny's picture

Very wise. Thank you. Well, if she brings up the phone, I'm going to tell her that relationships mean "relating" to each other, meaning a two-way street, not "what you can do for me" which is what she saw growing up. It means helping each other, supporting each other and doing things for each other". I have not seen her in 4 weeks, only when I took them to a FunLand thing- at which she informed me that she wants the 5s for Christmas. It's the only thing she said to me in like 2 months. We do not fight or such, but she decided she is checking out of both households. She spends a day with either here and there right before a gift-giving holiday. I HATE that she is allowed to just bail on reality but neither parent really wants her around- but me. I get along great with the other skids and my bios and they all get along, we never fight, I'm never mean to her, we used to have talks and go places, but all she wants to do now is sexting and FaceTalking and hooking up. Well, I'm no longer enabling this by allowing her iPhone service.