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I'm beginning to hate my SS.

indie68's picture

DH and I have been together for 9 years, married for 4, and have a 3.5 year old daughter. His son is now 11. His ex...she's the spawn of Satan. Seriously, I think she has a personality disorder. She takes every opportunity to make DH look like an asshole. Let me just state that DH is a fantastic father. He has NEVER, not once skipped over any parental responsibility and takes a genuine interest in creating a strong bond with his son. I think in the beginning there was an immense amount of guilty because they split and SS was SPOILED with expensive toys. I mean, what 4 year old has a four-wheeler? What 6 year old needs every gaming system there is...oh wait, you need one for each house!...facepalm. At 11 years old he has become a master manipulator between his parents and now I'm the evil step-mother. I don't even know how to act around him anymore. He's ruined so many days/vacations/family functions...he completely shuts down, becomes moody, "ill"...jesus. He tells my daughter that he's going to spank her if she doesn't listen to him, he pushes her away now. Tonight, we had a talk with him about responsibility and doing his chores. How many times can we possibly have the same conversation? He shut down, wanted no part of the conversation, went outside, called his mother and told her he was sick. She shows up, unannounced to pick him up on DH's day to have him. He looks at DH and says, "sorry." and walks out. And then WW3 ensues via text per usual. And now I'm the "pitbull wife". I barely talk to the little fucker anymore because I can't win! I do everything he asks me to do and more. He eats nothing at our house if it's not donuts, pop tarts, etc. The moment we require him to do something...I don't know...PICK UP YOUR ROOM!?, then we're MEAN and she wouldn't dare have her son in such an awful environment! Once Dh responds, she pulls out her legal verbage (she's a paralegal) and tells him that he's harassing her! It's to the point that my husband doesn't want him hear. I don't even want to look at him. The sight of him literally makes me sick. I don't know what to do anymore. We literally can do nothing right if it isn't bending down and kissing his ass...and hers! Oh you want us to keep him two extra nights...oh practically the entire week? SURE!...fuck.
I hate this shit. When he's not here, we're all fine. There's so much tension in this house when he's here, you can FEEL it. And we're just talking about having another child. SS says no way...I say you don't make the decisions in this house, kid. I hate my life.

Craving Normality's picture

Can you just stop having him for a while. I did that with my EOWE SS 12. I told his father that until he had him under control he could no longer come and ruin the rest of our weekends. He was totally rude, physically violent to my 9 year old daughter, a real piece of work. I kept trying to make things better but his mother was fuelling his anger. Eventually I just gave up and said no more of this crap in my house and your son needs to stay away. After a couple of months he came back, we had a big talk, me, my SO and his son. Things have been going reasonably well since we let him back in. Not perfect by any means, but so much better than it was.

Sometimes I think you just need to say - no more! Your needs are important too.

indie68's picture

I've thought about that. Part of the problem is that DH filed for a support remod. They have the same order from when SS was 2, DH was supposed to have him 16 hours, no overnights, plus he was in full time daycare at the time. We have him 3-4 days, no daycare, and I pay his health insurance. We are STRAPPED. So he fears that if he says that, she'll bring it up in court...which is totally like her regardless of DH bending over every single time. I feel walked on, for sure and it's seriously stressing me out...but beyond that I don't want to stress DH out anymore by saying that. Sigh...

Anon2009's picture

This kid acts this way because he's allowed to and he is SCREAMING for parents, not buddies. In order for ss to improve dh and bm MUST pull their heads out of their a$$es.

Craving Normality's picture

Over here in Aus, when it is only EOWE, child support is calculated like you don't have the child at all, so I absolutely had nothing to lose financially, she already gets the maximum. After being on this site I realise it's much more complicated in the US and I think they actually make the NCP pay more than here in Aus. My SO has never been to court either, so I cannot imagine having that worry. Just remember to look after yourself and your needs as much as anyone elses. Sorry I can't be more constructive.

oldone's picture

I guess because there is no real order for visitation she is free to just come get him.

If I were you I would put the kid on total ignore. Do not interact with him. Just pretend like he does not exist unless he physically is destructive to someone or something.

Don't do one thing for him. Don't cook, etc. Let your DH deal with his monster. You can console him when the brat leaves.

But most importantly protect your daughter from him since he has threatened to hit her. If he so much as touches her inappropriately call the cops immediately.

And quit talking to the psycho BM. No good can come from that ever.

indie68's picture

I stopped trying to be friendly with her years ago. Now she gets a scathing email/text when she talks shit about me. If she's going to bring me up, she's going to get a response. She cannot manipulate me like she does everyone else. There is an order for visitation and it is understood between the two of them that the nights he stays over (because we keep him over the original order), those are DH's days. Period. End of story. She's just getting more ballsy as time goes on and when she showed up unannounced, DH lost his shit.
Kind of a side note: when she was born, he asked what would happen if he held her head under water, he was 8 at the time...this coming after I had a horrible nightmare that he tried to suffocate her. He's getting so pissed at her that DH has seriously started getting on his case. He'll say, "Why doesn't she listen to me?!"...BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HIS FATHER! YOU ARE HER BROTHER!
And I'm not going to do shit for him. Fuck it. Thanks for the advice!