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I resent my SD, is this normal?

Klyn1133's picture

I am engaged to what I consider the love of my life. He has a two year old daughter and I have a one year old daughter. We have full custody of mine and joint of his, week on/off. She is ruining our relationship! She is an absolute brat, let me tell ya some things she does: she throws fits all the time and whines constantly when she doesn't get her way she slams her head on the ground or when we say no she crys, while in time out she screams for 40 minutes straight till we have to put her in her crib, she will out right ignore us when we talk to her or give her directions, she won't eat anything, she takes her sleepers off then takes her diaper off and gets pee and poop everywhere, she is mean to my daughter by trying to steal her toys or slams her fingers in the play kitchen door or steals her toys and if my daughter doesn't let go of the toy his daughter stomps on her leg! I am at my wits end. She drives me crazy to the point I want to smack her. I can't handle the no listening and the fact she is teaching my daughter negative behaviors. My daughter is missing out in positive attention while his daughter gets negative attention constantly. We can't go in public the weeks we have her because she is so naughty and the weeks we don't have her we are relaxed and in a routine. I seriously am contemplating leaving my fiancée because I don't like his daughter. I feel like a terrible person but I resent her now because it's tearing my man n me up and hurting my daughter in the process. I think I never bonded with her because since I've known her n been in the picture she's been a monster. What should I do!? Help!!

oncechoosetosmile's picture

2 year olds are nightmares at times.The real problem I see here is that you can't stand her and I don't judge you for it- dealing with other peoples kids is the hardest thing in the word, especially when they are misbehaving and spoiled.But there is nothingv you can do about her being in your life- you can accept it and try to deal with it or you can leave.To me it sounds as if you should consider leaving.This is not going to change and that little girl may never be easy going and likable for to leave now and restart your own life instead of waiting for things to improve.The only thing you can really change is your own attitude- if you love him enough to stay you must work on your negativity first.That kid will not go anywhere and even with the best influence not going to be a complete turnaround in a few days.

emotionaly beat up's picture

She's 2. A two year old cannot break up a relationship. Your attitude to this child might. Her father not dealing with it properly might. The two of you not being on the same page might, but a 2 year old cannot, only the adults in her life can do that to each other.

furkidsforme's picture

Agreed. The poster really should realize that it isn't the CHILD she isn't liking, but the way her partner parents or fails to parent that child.

Is it really THAT hard for people to grasp this?

Disneyfan's picture

She's acting like a normal two year old. I guarantee your daughter will do many of the things SD is doing when she reaches that stage. And no it won't be because she learned those behaviors from SD.

If you're bothered by normal two year old stuff, then it's best you walk away now.

Klyn1133's picture

I would like to first say I worked at a daycare for four years in the two year old room, I have dealt with over 100 different two years old from different backgrounds and households and not once have one of them acted consistenly like my SD.
I agree that two year old's throw fits and act defiant sometimes. Your saying it is normal for a two year to sit in time out for 30-40 screaming and crying without stopping?

She has lived with my daughter since March of 2013, so almost a year yet her jealously and disdain for my daughter has just increased, is that normal or will it continue to get worse or betteR?

When I first came into my SD's life she was about 10-11 months old and I enjoyed her. She used to laugh and was playful and sweet and progressively she has gotten worse and worse and I never got a chance to "fall in love" with her because she started acting like a brat. I feel like a terrible person that I do not have a connection with her but it is hard when you have one child that is smiling constantly and happy and listens and another that is fighting you every step of the way and constantly whining and crying.

emotionaly beat up's picture

A two year old in time out for 30 or 40 minutes. That's insane. No wonder she's screaming. Two minutes in time out at that age is enough. 30 to 40 minutes makes you part of the problem not part of the solution. How would you feel I'd you and your husband divorced, he remarried and the woman he married sat your two year old in time out and left her screaming for 30 to 40 minutes. Seriously, think about that. Would you want this done to your child by her SM. I bet not. It really is quite cruel you know. No wonder her behaviour is getting worse. This child doesn't have the vocabulary to express her frustrations and fears so she tantrums. Two year olds do.

Klyn1133's picture

First of all you misinterpreted what I meant. We tell her when she calms down she can get out. We don't make her sit there just for the fun of it! We put her there tell her when she calms down she can get out and she screams then quiets down so we walk over and ask her if she is ready to come out and be a good girl and she freaks out even harder so we tell her the same thing and it repeats the cycle. So don't go assume I'm some evil bitch when I try along with her dad to help her express her self when words. Maybe you should read my post again. She isn't a dumb child actually quite smart cognitively, she knows what she does it wrong and still does so. One day she grabbed a book ran over to us and ripped it down the middle even after she knew it was wrong. Or after taking her diaper off once and rubbing poop ever where and being told no she now does it to defy us. ALL THE TIME. Don't sit there on your high horse and presume like you know my situation or me for that matter. I asked for advice not criticism. I'm not evil to her I try everyday to work with her and she is just getting worst!

Journey1982's picture

First of all calm down. I read your post and thought the same thing the other poster thought. You are expecting the 2 year old to act like a 5 or 6 year old. She is 2. She doesn't have the skills yet to communicate effectively so she acts out instead. 2 year olds can be difficult. If you show your frustration with her she will continue to act out.

Have you thought about taking her to the doctor? A friend of mine's daughter screamed and cried all the time between the ages of 2 - 4. She thought she made a huge mistake having a child. The doctor finally diagnosed her with chronic sinusitis. Once the meds kicked in her daughter was a more pleasant child.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Thank you journey 1982.

Klyn1133, I did as you suggested and read your post again, Perhaps you should re read your post now. As now that I have re read it I have to say I didn't misinterpret what you said at all. Your words, "While in time out, she screams for 40 minutes straight, till we have to put her in her crib". Indicate that even after the 40 minutes of screaming the punishment continues and you put her in her crib."then in the post I responded to you said "is it normal for a two year old to sit in time out for 30 to 40 minutes AND SCREAM WITHOUT STOPPING". No, I've re read your posts, I didn't misinterpret them. Your just changing what you said because you made yourself look like an evil bitch. If you treated me like that I'd rip your books up to. She's two, she's not able to communicate with you on an adult level, but you've convinced yourself she is the problem, you are her victim, poor you. No, I didn't misinterpret. As I said, perhaps you should go back and read the things you wrote. I didn't just assume you were cruel or an evil witch at all. I got that impression directly from what you wrote not once but twice.

You asked for advice not criticism you said. Well I gave you advice. Do not put two year olds in time out and leave them screaming for 40 minutes straight. (Your words, not mine, not an assumption or misinterpretation on my part, look at your original post). You would never do this to your own child, don't do it to,someone else's.

mannin's picture

Has she been taken to a doctor recently? It could be symptoms of food allergies, sensory issues, etc.