You are here

I need help and advice.

sails_uk's picture

Submitted by sails_uk on Fri, 09/05/2014 - 9:23pm

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

Good evening all, I wonder if you can help, I am a SF of a SD17 and SS14 Their mother and I have been together for 10 years and married for 5, To be honest the physical relations between my wife and I have deteriorated. Adding to this, as the main bread winner in the house I pay for everything, and I mean everything! My wife works and bring in a good wage. Looking back 2 weeks when my problems really started: I was paid late by my employer by 2 weeks so I was totally skint (Broke) for these 2 weeks, Did my wife at any point offer me any cash for that 2 weeks?....no. Adding to that she started wearing a lot more make up and dolling herself up on a more regular basis, this put the seed of doubt in my mind about if she is having an affair which I don't think she has or has any intention to do so.(I hope but I could be wrong) A week later i am sat at home minding my own business and see my SD17 coming down the stairs with some random bloke from her bedroom.. As you can imagine I was not a happy bunny and told her never do that again without introducing me first. (Fair I thought) So, the very next day I am out of the house but return at 1400 in the afternoon. I pop in the front room only to be confronted by noise from in my SD17's bedroom, yes she was shagging the arse off this random man she had brought over!!! To add insult to injury my SS14 was in the next room and I was downstairs. After confronting SD17 she got on her high horse and started giving out to her mother and me as if she was not in the wrong and got a whole WOE IS ME speech from her saying how horrible her childhood was because of the split of her parents. This is total BS, She has had everything she has wanted, my wife over compensates and has spoiled them. This incident was like the straw that broke the camels back, What do I do? Do I stay and carry on with things or walk away with a wave and a smile? I am feeling like a cash cow in the family and I have had enough.

sails_uk's picture

Submitted by sails_uk on Sat, 09/06/2014 - 3:43am

Thanks for the replies, My SD 17 had a long term BF since she was 14 and waited to turn 16 to consummate her and her BF love, all cool I thought, the lad was a great young man, polite and from a good family... A few weeks ago they broke up and she ran into the arms of another young man within a couple of days. 24 hours later they are knocking paint from the ceilings. I have banned this new guy form the house as you can well imagine. It wont last, he is being posted to Iraq in a couple of months, I might tip the insurgents off!.. As for allowing her to have sex in the house, I don't mind, because it is in a controlled environment and not in some seedy motel. But this was with her long term BF so all was well. I'll have to try and figure this out.... Best from another country sipping Muay Ties with a new woman on my sun lounger.... Oh that sounds good...

sails_uk's picture

Submitted by sails_uk on Sun, 09/07/2014 - 8:51pm

I guess you have teenage children and have experience of this before or are you just making it all up? It was a adult choice to let the daughter have sex in the house with a young man we knew very well we agreed to this because knowing teenagers they will do it anyway, at least if it is in the home it is a controlled environment and not all in secret , thats how teenagers get pregnant at 16, by sneaking around and doing it on the spur of the moment with no proper protection. THis is not the issue, the issue is letting strangers into the house...

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 09/08/2014 - 7:41am

I would caved in the skull of the suspected rapist (what else would a reasonable person assume based on the apparent noise you came home to) shagging your SD with a baseball or cricket bat, whichever is most appropriate for your country. Upon clarity that it was not a rape in progress I would have then grabbed the skank whore by the back of the neck and pitched her naked ass out of the front door of MY house and told her to never return. Minor children resident in the home do not get to screw random or not so random partners in the house. That is what cheap hotels are for.

If mommy won't step up and parent then you have to. Your house, your rules, you enforce them.

I am a firm believer that spouses are equity life partners and what one earns belongs to both but if you are the wage earner and your bride is abdicating her spousal and parental responsibilities then your equity half has far more decisioning authority than hers.

If SD is an adult, paying rent, and not being a toxic influence on the home and family then there may be some leeway on her burgeoning sexuality in your home IF and only if she follows some basic rules of respect for others in the home.

If she had been biting the pillow instead of howling at the moon then maybe my reaction would be different but since she was apparently practicing her porn star dialog then it is time to deal with this directly, firmly, and immediately since your DW is apparently refusing to.

Sure, when I was her age I had girlfriends, I even smuggled a few of them in through my bedroom window in the middle of the night but we kept it quiet and made sure to no disturb my parents or younger sibs. Part of growing up is learning to be smart enough to get away with some stretching of the household rules.

It is your home, your rules. Stay. DW and your SDs can follow the rules or leave. Their choice. I am not one to leave my home when my spouse is the one screwing up the relationship.

IMHO of course.

MagdelenaFG's picture

Submitted by MagdelenaFG on Sat, 09/06/2014 - 10:18am

Did you ask your wife to help out financially during the money crisis? If the arrangement has always been that you cover the bills, perhaps she didn't think of it. That's thoughtless, but perhaps not worth losing 10 years together. If you're feeling taken advantage of financially, it's time for a conversation with your wife.

What does your wife say about SD17's behavior? Is she willing to set and hold some boundaries with her budding little porn star?