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I hate my stepson and I am starting to resent my husband

Missmiami's picture

I am new to the blog. However, reading these posts have made me feel so much better knowing that I am not alone. Honestly, right now I am physically drained and cannot type my life story. I have a stepson whom I have been involved with for almost 10yrs. My husband and I have been married for almost 8yrs in February. Anyway, this kid is the devil and purposely tries to cause conflict between my husband and I. I think he hates me and wants me out of the picture to have access to his dad. Outside of the blatant disrespect, dirty looks, underminding, back talk and etc this little demon had the audacity to enter my room and take intimate pictures while I slept. My husband was not home. It was a big issue and this happened the summer of 2015 during his visit. While I was asleep with my kids in the bed, I woke up to find the little pervert at the foot of my bed under the covers taking pictures of me. I wanted to kill him. I swear I had to restrain myself. He antagonized me and lied to my face. Told me that I was crazy. That was until i got the proof off of his phone. That was the final straw. Smile I just feel like he is getting progressively worse. He does everything when my husband isn't around and me running back to tell my husband has only escalated the situation. He says I am overreacting about everything. At this point, I don't have the strength to fight. My stepson came to visit for Xmas this year and left this morning. WheN i Say there was a huge weight lifted you guys have no idea. I wanted to dance, scream and shout. I dread his visits. When he comes to visit my husband and I fight like cats and dogs. I am always walking around with resting bi*ch face lol. I become a horribly person. I have tried everything. Ignoring this kid and not dealing with him. Nothing works! I just dont want him coming around anymore and dont know how to tell my husband. He is in complete denial. I love my husband and we have 3 children together but I have been enduring this since my stepson was 5/6 years old and he is 14 now. We have seperated countless times and almost divorced of this kid. I just dont understand why he refuses to address the issue. The stepkid is starting to affect our children. Deep down I think the kid is jealous. He's troubled.

I need advice on how to deal with this situation. What strategy can I use to get through to my husband about how I feel? Seriously, the next time the kid visits will be in April or for the summer. I am not leaving my home and truth of the matter is that I am almost certain to tell my husband he is no longer welcomed in my home while I am there. If he visits he will have to stay with relatives. This is sure to cause a fight and probably result in us parting ways. But I refuse to be unhappy. Everything about the kid annoys me. The way he looks, breathes, talks, eats, walks and etc. I hate the kid for all that he has destroyed between my husband and I. Worse thing is I hate and resent my husband for allowing it. Any tips would be appreciated. I don't know what to do.

Missmiami's picture

i'M SORRY IF i WASNT clear. I am physically drained. We have been fighting since he arrived which was saturday. He lives out of town and visits a few times a year. In the past, my husband would leave him home with me when he would leave for work, run errands and etc. However ,he is no longer allowed there with me alone since the incident. He purposely does things to me when my husband isn't present. For example, if my husband is asleep, in the bathroom or etc and I ask him or tell him to do something he gives me the dirty looks, talks back, rolls his eyes, long loud sighs and etc. But when my husband is around he's just as pleasant as can be.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Why are you even speaking to him at all?
If you choose to stay in this mess then I would set up cameras and NOT tell your DH beforehand.

Stepped in what momma's picture

The way I see this is you have three issues:
1. step kid
2. husband
3. you
The step kid is an issue because he is an as*hole
The husband is an issue because he is an as*hole that doesn't protect you from his kid or parent his child
You are an issue because you have allowed people to treat you this way and for this long.

"But I refuse to be unhappy" But you are unhappy so now your husband knows you won't leave because you haven't all this time. I can assure you that if I caught ANYONE taking pictures of me while I was not dressed they would not be in my home again. So in essence you have allowed them to both walk all over you.

"I hate the kid for all that he has destroyed between my husband and I" you shouldn't hate him, you should hate the grown adult that you are married to for allowing this kid to treat you in this manner.

LEAVE.

It is sad to me that your other kids see you being treated this why and yet you do nothing to teach them by your actions to have some balls and get out of this situation. You are allowing the love for your DH to over ride the example you should be for your children.

Sylvia Guzman's picture

I'm in the same boat. I know exactly what you talk about here. Its exhausting having to explain every single scenario for others to understand. I been dealing with it for 5 yrs now. I'm over it. Its not healthy for either of us. I dont want to get divorced ober a 10 yr old. Pasive parenting is just so damaging.

Missmiami's picture

For example, he left this morning. We have 4 other kids in the home (my son from a previous relationship plus our 3). Our kids at home are 12,9,7 and 5. Anyway, as he is preparing to leave he(my stepson) purposely says goodbye to the kids individually by name, one by one. So, I'm in the kitchen and perfectly visible and he says nothing to me. As he is leaving out the door, instead of saying by to me personally as well; this jerk of a child says "bye everyone". Mind you my husband was right there. This douchebag didn't say one word. that's what pisses me off. he lets stuff like that go over his head. when, i mentioned it to him he says i am overreacting. seriously! someone speaks to everyone in the room but you and you don't feel that was done on purpose???? he is such a coward!

Missmiami's picture

i feel like the kid does things on purpose to get a reaction from me. me being an aries doesn't help the situation lol. we had a big xmas dinner and i purchased paper plates. i have a big family and was tired. i cleaned the kitchen and washed dishes so the sink was empty. the kid opts to get a plate and fork (not paper) to eat. cool! just make sure you wash it and put it away. he doesn't. he places it in the sink anyway. so, i told him that he needed to wash his plate and fork. do you know the bastard gave me the look and did it. he washed the dishes and placed the clean dishes on the edge of the sink. i mean he just left it on the counter without putting them away. i took it as an insult. he did that so that me the maid would put them away. i was fuming! it might sound petty but you had to see it. he was being a smarty pants as usual. he took the dish out of the cabinet so why wouldn't you put it back where you go it? this is the kind of games i have to deal with from a 14 yr old kid. very calculating.

not to mention he comes to visits and tries to take over our kids stuff and bully's them because he is bigger.

Stepped in what momma's picture

I wouldn't speak to the kid again, your DH needs to be cleaning up after his kid. Why don't you tell DH to clean up after his kid? I don't tell my SO's kids anything, if I want something done I go to SO to have him tell them to get it done.

Stepped in what momma's picture

You need to disengage, somewhere on this site the article is posted.
Shoot, admin should add it to the home page so we don't have to keep telling people to look for it.

Missmiami's picture

Got it! i will send them a message. Yes, that's what I said. I am totally done. That's the bulk of the conversation. I'm done and he is no longer allowed in my home. I just feel bad to be honest because I am not a bad person. I would never want to come between someone and their kid. Especially because he doesn't see them often. However, he cannot reside in my home anymore. Funny thing is I was going to tell him that before the visit but he hadn't been back since the incident occurred in 2015. This was his first visit because he was not allowed back in the home. I wanted to give him another chance but it didn't work. So, i guess you just confirmed what my intuition is telling me. thanks!

Missmiami's picture

Sorry but what does DH mean? I guess I refuse to let someone take over my home. Especially a child. I've done that. Not dealing with him and relying on his dad to handle him. It's hard because I have other kids in the home and I don't want them picking up his habits. Btw, you've given me a lot to think about. Thank you!

Stepped in what momma's picture

What do the abbreviations mean?

Here are just a few (for now):
•sm = stepmother
•sd = stepdad
•bm = biological mother
•bf = usually biological father but every now and then some use for boyfriend
•sd = step daughter
•ss = step son
•bs = biological son
•bd = biological daughter
•dw = darling wife
•dh = darling husband
•dd = darling daughter
•ds = darling son
•poa = power of attorney
•cs = child support
•mil = mother-in-law
•fil = father-in-law
•pas = Parental Alienation Syndrome

Stepped in what momma's picture

I do want to add that my SO (significant other) is very supportive so me going to him is effective but if your husband isn't noticing or doesn't care enough to correct issues that are present in front of him this might not work for you.

If my SO wasn't supportive after I asked him to tell his kid to put up his dishes I can assure you that plate would sit on the ledge of the counter for weeks because I know I wouldn't move it. Once it was there for whatever time period I deemed "long enough" that would be my proof that my husband didn't have my best interests in mind. ESPECIALLY after the picture ordeal.

CANYOUHELP's picture

Yes, tell DH you will report his son to the authorities if he crawls up under your sheets again and decides to take his sick pics or threatens you or your kids in any way, if he does not handle it himself, you are tired of his inability to be a parent and address his son's inappropriate behavior.

And, do it...one time and dadddeee might be more inspired to step up to the plate and be a father and a husband; new roles it appears for him.

If your DH leaves, so be it...at least you do not have strange kids taking photos of you in your bed while you are sleeping. You are the winner!