I hate my step daughter more each day. Help.
I can honestly say that with each passing day, I hate this child more and more. She is 5 years old. I met her at age 3 and loved her. But once her father and I got married, her mother decided to pursue a court battle, that she lost and brainwash this child, which she is winning at. I spent MY own personal money by selling stocks to pay $5000 for a lawyer. Yes, we are not paying child support. But I am so bitter about this money. Secondly, I am sick of hearing how I am not her mother and not her family. I am sick of hearing about how she misses her mommy and loves her mommy so much. I am suck her her drawing houses and family's that contain her mom and dad together. They were split before she was even 8 months. So she has no memories other than what her mother tells her. Her mother is broke and on welfare. So she knows to ask us for everything. She is so spoiled. If I say no, she just asks her dad. I have done so much for her, filled her life with clothes, toys, trips, things she never had before. She doesn't appreciate anything and wants more, more, more. Lately she has Ben throwing temper tantrums, stealing from stores and other kids, and just being a pure brat. She is daddy's princess. He sees no wrong in her. I am growing to the fact that I resent her so much. It's all we fight about is her behaviors. She is a little snitch too. Tells her mom everything that happens at out house. I feel like I am living in prison. I hate that we have custody, but don't want to give it up ONLY because we would be paying a mortgage in child support. Otherwise I would love to just see her every other weekend and I could leave then! I KNOW I am horrible, selfish, awful, so please spare me that lecture. I KNOW this. I just can't help it. I have an appointment with a counselor next week. I feel like I have hit my limit. I just want to scream and lock her in her room. She's a sneaky, manipulative little spoiled brat who appreciates nothing. The only reason I even continue to do nice things for her is to show up her mother. It's not even out of love. I wish I did, but I don't love her. I always wish my husband didn't have a child and we could start and family without her. I hate that she gets a big room in my house when my kids who are there full time get screwed. I just can't stand her in so many ways.
You say you would leave if
You say you would leave if mom had custody. What's stopping you from doing that now?
I can't understand hating a child but not the parent who allows the very behavior you hate.
Doing nice things for the kid just to show up BM is crazy. Chances are mom doesn't care what you do. No matter how much you spend or do, you wont be able to change what's in your SD's heart. More than likely your husband takes your roing nice stuff for his daughter for granted.
You don't hate her, you
You don't hate her, you resent your DH. She's FIVE. She can't control how she acts if no adults are controlling it for her. Get your husband to step up his game and PARENT.
And take a look at yourself, deeply. Stop blaming a CHILD for the fact that you and your husband can't communicate in a meaningful way. That's the cowards way out.
I wouldn't leave my husband
I wouldn't leave my husband if mom had custody. I would just leave when the SD came over for Visits. As it is, she is here all the time and during the work week. If she was just here every other weekends I could find somewhere to go. I do resent my husband for accidentally getting an idiot he had no intentions of ever marrying pregnant on a stupid drunk night. I do resent his parenting, because I feel like she gets special treatment because he feels bad for her that her mother is a low life. But, in his defense, we do attempt to discipline. We have behavior charts. Se gets punished for not listening and rewarded for good behavior. But, often he can't see the manipulation that I can see. She is only 5, but she knows how to work the system. "Mom lets this or that! Mom loves me more!" Half the problem is that her mother is brainwashing her. And like I said, I know I am a horrible person for disliking this child. But things are so great when she is at her moms and I hate when she is here. She goes and tells her mom everything we do and vice versa we here every new boyfriend in moms bed and every time mom calls me a nasty name. She is like a little spy. My husband and I do try to discipline her as a team, but she comes back out of control each time. So while I agree, I do resent him for having her, I did choose to marry in to it. I just didn't think a polite sweet 3 year old would turn in to a manipulative little brat. I'm just so frustrated and I don't want to be mean to
Her. But I seem to have no patience with anything she does and when she doesn't listen. I can only ask please put on your jacket 5 times before I am ready to snap. I feel like a lot of her behaviors are normal kid stuff, but she's not my kid and I don't love her. This is the problem. I wish I did, but I don't. I feel like she is a waste of my money and resources and space in my house. Ug, I am a horrible person
If you feel like this about a
If you feel like this about a 5 year old, why do you stay? Did dad speak to you before going for full custody? If so, did you object?
I paid for the attorney! I
I paid for the attorney! I supported him. Selfishly, my main motivation was to not pay the BM child support. On the other hand, I know the only motivation BM had for filing was because we got married and she was jealous. My husband is an amazing father and a great man. I love him with all my heart. He loves his daughter and he steps up and takes care of her the way he should. I'm just being selfish with my feelings for my SD. Losing him would not be worth ridding myself of her. I just feel the need to vent anonymously and get it off my chest, so hopefully I can get some ideas to cope and be less likely to snap at her. She does have some behavior issues that drive me nuts. What I don't know is that if my child begins to act like that if I would be so quick to snap at them. I went in to this wanting to treat her the same as my future kids. But now that I have my child, my protective instincts kick in and I want better for my kid. I want my money going to my kid and in a trust for my kid. I simply don't love her the way I love my own and I feel horrible for that. I started a trust for my child and nothing for her. I feel that is her fathers job. I feel like I spend my money on our child while my husband spends his on her to accommodate for her mother not doing anything. She comes home and announces she wants to do any activity, dad drops the money with ok help from the mother. We don't even get child support!!! It's just very hard to balance my love evenly. I just love my child so much more and feel resentful of the situation that my child may lose out on anything because of her. My emotions are all over the place right now with this. I know I'm wrong in many ways. I just can't help how I feel. This is why I am going to counseling to try to work these issues out.
Still?
Has your situation gotten any better? I am pregnant due any day and all of a sudden HATE my step-daughter who just turned 6. Everything you said resignates with
my exact feelings...
^^^^^^^^^^See above - well
^^^^^^^^^^See above - well said.
Here's a article on disengagement: http://steptogether.org/help.html
^^^^^^^^^^^^Excellent^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^Excellent^^^^^^^^^^^post from Step.
Pffft! I've been faking a
Pffft! I've been faking a headache all morning!
You complain that the child
You complain that the child is spoiled, but you are "doing things to show up BM". You are the one spoiling her and of course if she gets stuff all the time she won't appreciate it. She. is. 5. Stop spoiling her. You have to respect the fact that this little girl has a mother that she loves. Don't try to come between that relationship. Unless the mother is a freaked out drug addict who the child isn't safe around I personally would rather pay child support to have 50/50 custody and have half the time off away from her or even eowe. In my opinion for the break it would be money well spent.
Although I know where you're
Although I know where you're coming from and don't blame you for your feelings, at the same time, I can't help but feel bad for your SD.
She's just a five year old kid who didn't ask to be in the situation that she's in. If she lives with you full-time, and you disengage, that means she won't have a good female figure in her life...being that she's not with her mom often.
Have you tried bonding with her and doing things just you and her together?
It's not easy for the dad to get full custody, does mom have major issues?