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I hate my partners daughter

DogMom2019's picture

Hi 

I have been with my partner for 4 years now, he has a 10 year old daughter and I honestly cannot stand her and it's getting worse as she is getting older. 
 

We have her every weekend and the weekend just gone has been a nightmare. She takes over the whole house with her silly crap, she leaves plates on the sofa, leaves her rubbish on the floor, you give a drink and she don't drink it constantly wasting money, she decides what we eat, what we do and she speaks to everyone like they are dirt especially adults, she is so rude and argues her points and thinks it's ok to talk to adults the way she does. This weekend she said me and her dad have to quit smoking and he bowed down to her and said we would!! She constantly annoys my dog to the point I'm surprised he hasn't bit her. 
 

Another issue I have is her constantly being dumped on me, the mother drags her ass to come and collect her when it's her days and dumps her on me at the crack of dawn the very second she can. The dad is also dumping her on me at the weekends so he can play football and socialise with his mates, I had her for 6 hours yesterday. I run my own business so I'm constantly arranging my days around someone else's kid while the parents just do what they want. 
 

I don't want her dumped on me, I didn't want her - they did, I didn't give birth to her so why should she be my problem? She's their mistake not mine. Anyone else had a similar situation and if so how did you deal with it because I can't carry on with this much more.

 

Winterglow's picture

Get up and leave the house before he does. Do things that give you pleasure. Tell him that you're not doing it any more, that the kid is his responsibility and he doesn't get to shirk it. 

Also, don't be afraid to speak up when the kid is rude. If a teacher can do it, YOU can do it - in all cases. 

Loxy's picture

I agree with SteppedOut - your SD may be awful but the real problem is your partner and he's not going to change so get out now!

SeeYouNever's picture

My SD14 can be snotty and rude too the only reason that she is tolerable is because we don't have her often and I'm never personally responsible for her. If she was getting dumped on me like you were SD is dumped on you it would be a totally different situation.

10 is a tough age and this is about the time that BM had it with my SD as well. It just became a personality crash between two b****** and she wanted us to have her a lot more often. As you said it was not your mistake and she should not be your problem. Do you get to go out and socialize with your friends and do your hobbies? Or are you just enabling your SO to be able to enjoy his life at the expense of yours?

Before the weekend even comes tell him that you can't watch her you're busy with your own business. Give him time to cancel on his friends. If he throws a fit and insist that you watch her then say that in order to be able to handle watching her while doing your job you should get paid for providing child care. You are doing him a huge favor don't let him take you for granted.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

If your SO leaves to hang out with his friends, pack the child up and take her to the football (or whatever) and hand her over to her parent.

You do not have to look after someone else's child.  This is not your job.  It is the responsibility of the child's parents.

hereiam's picture

Anyone else had a similar situation and if so how did you deal with it

No, my DH did not allow such behavior from his child and never dumped her on me. I would have absolutely NOT dealt with it.

Your partner is not much of a parent or a partner.

Kes's picture

I have never babysat my SDs, not even for half an hour, ever, nor would I have agreed to it.  It is not your job to do this, just refuse.  If your partner plans not to be in, then he can either organise a babysitter, or the girl doesn't come.  As to her behaviour this is also your partner's responsiblity.  He should be challenging her and asserting his authority.  He doesn't because he is a rubbish father, and it will just get worse as she becomes an adolescent.  I wouldn't put up with anyone annoying my dog - I would bring the wrath of the goddess down on her head, she would never do it again. 

Nottheboss17's picture

Every action you described is completely manipulative. She's not a lazy slob. She is well aware that her behavior irks you, so she will continue to up her game until she's certain you know she has "control" when she's around. If you and her dad are not able to cooperatively establish rules and boundaries, well, it ain't ever getting better. 
My SD10 is ultra manipulative, and although her dad will bust her occasionally, he truly believes she is nearly perfect. He always believes her explanations of incidents over my children because she is "the oldest." I could go on and on, filled with fire and rage. 
I try to remind myself that she is just a kid --a kid who annoys me to my core --caught in a less than ideal situation, and I have 30 more years of practice at being manipulative under my belt! 

DogMom2019's picture

Hi all

Thank you all for comments and I'm sorry for not responding straight away....me and my partner actually split the day after I wrote this post. 
 

It's been 2 weeks now and I'm still in the family home for the next few weeks while I find a smaller place for me and my dog and honestly I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. His daughter has still been round as much as normal but I'm not looking after, I take my dog out on a hell of a lot of walks when she's there now. As I have taken a step back I sit in another room and I just listen to how undisaplined the child is, she is so rude and she's never told off so she's going to grow up to be vile. 
 

She did drop "I've asked my mom to date my dad to make my life easier"....wouldn't surprise me if it happened. 
 

 

Winterglow's picture

Thanks for the update. Glad that you are feeling so much better - things can only continue to get better for you! Be happy that you escaped before she hit her teenage  years!

shamds's picture

 "I've asked my mom to date my dad to make my life easier"

right after we'd split up, i'd tell her to tell someone who gives a crap!! Its all to rub it in. She'll grow up to be a despicable dysfunctional human that will blame the world and treat others like crap!!