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I hate my husband AND my step daughter

Fruswowifesmomh's picture

I have a dh35. We share two dd ages 1 and 2. Dh has a D9. She's a little brat. She clearly understands that since her father doesn't respect me or really ANYONES rules, she doesn't have to respect them either. She's manipulative and liar just like her father. She whines and begs to be bought things for NO GOOD REASON every time we see her and did I mention I HATE SEEING HER?? I hate him too. He refused to set boundaries bc all he does all day is question me about whether or not I'm cheating half the time and the other half of his time it's "OOHH I gotta go eat lunch with daughter. Ooohhh I gotta go give my daughter money she asked for forty dollars for a bowl of slime. " It's so bad if I ask my husband on a date he says " well visitation is Friday we can all go see the new movie". I already can BARELY stand my lying, cheating, abusive husband, but the thought of having to play second to his little sex trophy is literally breaking the camel's back. His relationship with her mother was the source of our issues for many years, but any time I brought my concerns to him about their relationship and it's innapropriatness, my husband would say "oh you must have a problem with my child! How do you expect me to have a relationship with my child if I'm not catering to her mother?? I must kiss her ass, not bc I WANT to but bc I HAVE to! You MUST HATE MY CHILD IF YOURE TELLING ME TO RESPECT YOUR FEELINGS! YOUR FEELINGS DONT MATTER JUST MY BABYMama and my chhiiillldddd!!" He once physically beat me black and blue on Christmas Eve behind that VERY conversation. It had me feeling crazy, like "hey, DID I just tell him to choose between me and his child?" But I knew I didn't. He manipulated me and played word games and kept diverting the convo to a child that had NOTHING to do with the argument. So fast forward about three years and hell, after all the mental abuse, emotional gaslighting manipulation and lies... I REALLY DO hate his child. When I met her she was four, still sweet still innocent and I WANTED a relationship with her. Now she's nine, grew up too fast, and is constantly in the middle of her parents visitation war, and her dysfunctional father fighting and fussing with EVERYONE around him, ESPECIALLY always attacking (not always physically) me.  I hate the fact that I can't say anything to his daughter except kiss her ass. So instead of doing that I say NOTHING TO HER. He tries to force me to babysit her but I tell him take her with you, you already been screaming u don't trust me with her, why leave her with me? He will argue all day and night over it. He constantly decides to degrade and belittle me in front of her, as if he's trying to send her a message that it's okay to scapegoat me bc I'm just the step mom. He lets daughter and her mother get away with ANYTHING whilst I will get degraded and dogged for ANYTHING. I know I'm all over the place with this, and I know it's a result of my mind being boggled and mixed up ALL the time. I really just want to divorce this narcissist and his daughter. Last thing-- Everytime he gets mad at me for what he's imagined or thought up in his head, he denies my kids to EVERYONE  then the next hour he's all back in love with my kids. He even got mad at me one time bc we were out with our kids and his daughter wasn't there (and this was before he finally decided to get the visitation order I had suggested for years). He literally told me IM NOT GOING OUT WITH YALL ANYMORE SINCE MY DAUGHTER ISNT HERE and proceeded to curse me out call me all kinds of bitches and whores all bc of something I had no control over. There's so much dirt I could type a novel... If only I could slow down and organize all these thoughts. I see a future of having a husband who coddles and spoils a girl who knows she has power over her father bc he's weak-minded and abusive. She knows that when she's rude to him or hurts his feelings, he's going to simply take it out on his wife. I hate him so much for being who he is. I hate her now too. When I get my settlement I'm gone. 

 

Winterglow's picture

You do not have to live with this. I would have called the cops on him when he beat me the first time. Nobody deserves abuse and you are getting physical AND verbal abuse. How can you deal with the constant fear? How can you allow your children to be exposed to this? Do you want them to grow up thinking that THIS is marriage? Ther will be no happy ending here ...

Either start preparing your departure or go directly to a woman's shelter, either way, you have to get out, for the sake of your children, for the sake of their safety, for the sake of your health and sanity. This is no way to live.

Alia's picture

Yes i get it and you know what I'm in the same situation as u. My partner beat me infron of his shitty kid. And his kid seen everything. I literally disengage from him he stays every weekend friday to sunday. I go out with our bio daughter and literally cannot stand seeing him. Eventually I think the best thing is to be alone blended families are so shit. Feel free to message me if u want a chat x

Husband's wife's picture

Call the cops, ASAP. I would also call the CPS to protect your kids from his toxic influence 

Fruswowifesmomh's picture

I called that night when it happened years ago. It was Christmas Eve and they didn't come. They came out on December 26 the and asked me if I wanted to press charges. I said no. Mind you, this was years ago and I was still foolishly in what I thought was love. I thought I had something to prove.

 

Lollybobs's picture

'He once physically beat me black and blue on Christmas Eve'

So why are you still there...?

tog redux's picture

It's hard to leave abusive relationships, especially with small children.  If there is a domestic violence shelter in your area, seek help from them. No one should have to live with abuse.  At least you aren't saying you love him and that's why you are there, but really, you need to leave - this isn't good for you or your children.

Fruswowifesmomh's picture

Yeah, I don't love him. And you're right, my kids are going to be hurt if I stay too long. They suffer now and I don't think they even know.

 

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

He sounds like my wife. I'll never understand the retardation that courses through the veins of these people.

I can tell you that it feels really good to watch them squirm once you have them locked down dead to rights. It feels amazing.

susanm's picture

Get a consult with a divorce attorney.  Most will give them for free.  Depending on the laws of your state, you may have to split settlements with your DH based on the type of settlement, when you receive it, and what you do with it when it is received if you are still living together.  Do not wait to get it before finding out these life-altering facts!

justmakingthebest's picture

Contact a local shelter. The can help with your escape and also attorney fees to keep your kids with you and him to supervised visitation. You need to leave. What happens when he kills you next time? Then what for your kids? Think of them and leave. Today. Empty the checking account and go to the shelter. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Please contact a local women's shelter. They can help in many different ways, including referrals for housing and legal counsel.

This guy is a gaslighting piece of excrement. 

Rags's picture

Please take care of yourself and your two babies and get out.  Get your hand gun license and train to protect yourself from this violent asshole and if he attacks  you again, defend yourself.