You are here

I feel like the worst stepmom but I can’t stand them!

Probablynuts's picture

I feel like I’m going crazy... his two kids (older than my two, by 3-7 years) act like toddlers!  I feel like the worst person in the world but lately my blood pressure starts spiking the second they walk in the house. I swear, they SCREAM-talk every dang word they say to each other or ever worse, just squeal out abnoxious noises.  I don’t know what to anymore. I only got maybe 2 months ago and I really thought we could do this whole blended family thing but there are so many times lately where I catch myself about to scream, “JUST SHUT UP!!!!”  They have no concept of how loud and annoying they are and it’s making me withdraw from them, which is not what I wanted. I wanted to be their stepmom and grow to love them but it’s like I’ve hit a wall.  Like literally JUST now.... it was quiet for about 30 seconds and I thought I had some peace... nope!  One of them just started screeching, “WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO!” Like a damn fire truck and LOUD as he could. For no reason. This is literally CONSTANT. 

WHAT DO I DO???

Probablynuts's picture

just as a follow up... we have them 100% of the time.   I’m not even kidding when I say that I’ve looked whether “voice mufflers” are a thing. 

ESMOD's picture

noise cancelling headphones? IDK.. what does your SO say when they start their fire engine ruckus?

Wooltoque1989's picture

I found myself googling "I can't stand my stepkids" the other night. It's tough. Bio parents have that biological connection  to cushion the irritation and frustration - step parents don't. Can you talk to your partner? 

When my partner and stepkids moved in I gave up my bedroom and office upstairs for them because I didnt want to be the wicked step mom forcing them to live in a semi finished basement. It created a lot of problems. Eventually we moved them down to the basement and took the TV out of the upstairs living room for the basement. All of their toys are down there. My partner is good now when I start to get frustrated and he enforces a "downstairs or outside" rule when they are being loud. They can stay upstairs if they're quiet and relaxed - reading, coloring. Anyways, talking about their behavior that irritates me helped us come up with solutions that are working better for us now. 

Good luck! 

Probablynuts's picture

My SO does yell at them sometimes when they get ridiculously loud and obnoxious but it's almost like this is just how they ARE now and I have to listen to it every day. The way I see it, my kids (5 and 9) get out of hand on on occasion and I swiftly handle it and they go back to acting like normal kids their age should act.  I feel like their behavior at home would not be out of line or "strange" for any child their age to act during the day at school. But the other two who are older are so loud and rambunctious with their constant screaming and squeals and yell-talking, that I can only imagine they have entire different personas when they are at school or - I'll just be honest... they would get their butts kicked every day.  
I'm mentally and physically exhausted.  I feel like my SO is starting to think that I hate his kids and if I were him I would think that, too. I can't defend how much animosity I clearly have lately when I just want to scream, "SHUT THE F*** UP!"  I do love them... but the fact of the matter is they aren't my blood and st the end of the day it is making a difference because the rift is growing and I feel helpless to do anything about it. 

Probablynuts's picture

Oh, and they ARE in the lower level... we have an open concept kind of house do the sound travels right upstairs.  Believe me when I say there is not a closet or bathroom in the house where I can hide from the noise when they are going at it.  It's unreal. 

Probablynuts's picture

I feel so guilty thinking about how sometimes I want my own house back.... just me and my kids and peace and sanity.  I know that in reality, my SO and I finding each other was a godsend... even worse, I know his kids love me.  It just all adds to the guilt. 

Chelseybychelsey's picture

Their dad needs to call them out on their behavior then tell them role model how to act appropriately.