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I don't like my 2 yr old stepson

Readytobeamom's picture

Submitted by Readytobeamom on Sat, 12/24/2011 - 10:50am

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Blended Family Issues

I'm a horrible person, I know.. To not like a baby... but for the life of me I can't seem to fall in love with my bf's son. We are expecting our first child May 2012! I am very excited about bringing our child into this world and us raising him, but his son seems to be such a burden with me and I can't find out why.. I feel so childish to not like a child that's so young and has no reason not to be loved. But he is awful, he throws tantrums when his dad doesn't pick him up, his mom doesn't feed him correctly so if we aren't feeding him McDonald's and cheetos he won't eat, he hits all the time. He never listens to anyone. He's spoiled, whenever I get near my bf he comes and whines and pushes us away.. He never even wants to come to me. I need to get down to the bottom of this before the baby comes, I don't want to show any favoritism over my child, and it seems impossible!! I want to be happy when he comes over and not feel like "another weekend to get through" I have a nephew that will be 3 and they are complete opposites, my nephew is well disciplined, and eats his food, he listens, he's polite, he's very loving and sweet.. Hes' three and he is rambunctious but this kid.... No words... I know I'm horrible. It could be a lot worse.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 12/24/2011 - 11:34am

All I can suggest is be nice to him and do some internet research on 2 year olds. They call it "the terrible twos" for a reason. You'll find that even a lot of bioparents are at their wits end with their two year olds. Hopefully, some parenting websites will have some helpful tips for you and your BF. (((HUGS)))

Congrats on your baby!

hippiegirl's picture

Submitted by hippiegirl on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 5:25pm

I hate to say it, but you WILL show favoritism toward your own child. It's only natural. It's not easy to love another woman's child.

dledden's picture

Submitted by dledden on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 5:45pm

As a newbie here, I have found that many of us don't love our SKIDS, hell, most of us don't even like them....don't feel bad, in most cases they make it easy to harbor resentment and frustration towards them. Good luck with your new baby, what a blessing for you!

Dannee's picture

Submitted by Dannee on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 8:19pm

What is sounds like to me is that you don't

like how he behaves...

Maybe you would like him if he behaved some what like your nephew..

Please tell me that you don't feed him the MCD's or the chettos..

If I was in your shoes I would be talking to BF right now..

That little baby in your belly is going to have a horrible role model for a sibling
if you don't start shaping up with the 2 year old in your home now...

brokenin2's picture

Submitted by brokenin2 on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 10:35pm

Dear ready to be a mom

My husband just cheated on me apparently because I could not connect fast enough with my 2SK. He left me, made me feel bad about it and blamed it all on my inability to love his kids enough. After he left, he told me that he had chosen not to have kids with me because he felt that I was going to treat them differently than his kids. I believe that each kid that you have will slightly be treated differently based on their personality and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Ask any daycare centre worker, and they'll tell you that they connect more with some kids than others, and they are not theirs.

Don't fret over it, but don't show disinterest or friction with your SK...

Good luck and enjoy motherhood!

flickaroo's picture

Submitted by flickaroo on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 11:21pm

I can't say I really liked 2 year-olds much until I had one of my own. If I constantly had a 2 year-old in my space back then I think it would have really grated on my nerves. It think it would be especially hard while pregnant, with all the hormones and aches and pains.

The best suggestion I could give you is to research two-year-olds. There is a great series that goes through each age of child development without getting into any kind of parenting dogma. Here is the two-year-old version http://www.amazon.com/Your-Two-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506387/...

I think it's important to really understand where he is in his development to begin to accept him. If I were in your position, I would be very careful of what I expect out this child, because it won't be long until you have a two-year-old, and I wouldn't want to eat that humble pie! hehe!

Also, try your best to keep the focus off the negative and onto the positive. Notice all the cute things he does and try to bond in those moments.

flickaroo's picture

Submitted by flickaroo on Fri, 01/06/2012 - 11:56pm

Something just occurred to me. You say he's there for the weekend. Every weekend? Every other? I wonder if he's feeling a little off or sad or insecure when he's away from his "usual" home and "usual" routine and he's acting out in the way that two-year-olds do? I'm not suggesting that visitation or anything be changed for him, because if this is what's going on with him, he will grow out of that need for routine and sameness. I just bring this up, because maybe it would help with empathy, since empathy can go a long way in how we perceive others.

Some kids just have a higher need for routine than others. I know of one child who would be just awful every weekend, because those are the days that he couldn't go to pre-school and the change in routine would throw him off. He outgrew it once he could cognitively realize that some days you just don't go to pre-school!

Just a thought