I can't love nor accept my stepson and my husband doesn't understand.
My fiancé has a son that is a product of a teenage mistake and a teenage girl that didn't have the smarts to put the baby up for adoption so that all parties could have a chance a better life. As a result my fiancé quit college and joined the Army because she didnt want work and endured horrors, injuries and did things no civilian can imagine nor understand and most recently cancer. The baby mama chose to marry a sleaze bag that doesn't work and have 2 more kids that she supports via my fiancé child support leaving us to get all of his 13 year olds clothes, school supplies and plane tickets to visit. My fiancé was medically retired and I gave up my career as an Archaeological Conservator, which i loved,to care for my him ,so we are financially extremely tight and I blame his baby mama for my fiancé having to give up his dreams and put himself in danger and the resulting hardships and shell of a man that he is now
I guess the point is...my fiancé so badly wants me to love his son but all I see when I look at him is resentment. His mother stole my first baby experience from me, he is such a drain on our finances that I can't afford the baby I desire so much it hurts and lastly all I see when I look at his son his sons manipulative gold digging mother. I feel robbed!
I catch myself playing the what if time machine game in my head ( how without his kid life would be so much easier as as close to perfect as life could get) and I have even thought things in times of desperaty that I'm deeply ashamed of.
I can't love him. My fiancé asked me to try and to be honest I could but I truly don't want to. He isn't mine. I like his son, I'm kind to him, help him with his homework, and find him to be generally an ok kid and the kid seems to really like me. I tried explaining that I see his son like teachers see their students- I care, I will help him and wish no ill will but at the end of the day the kid isn't mine. I just wish my husband would accept this and be happy I am nice to his son and care but the sadness and hatred will always be there.
How do explain to my fiancé that I don't want his son at our wedding? Is it wrong of me to not want him there since this the beginning of my fiances and my life? I am so confused and guilt ridden.
I need advice, help, anything.