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i cannot do this much longer

jmh302's picture

BG: together 4 years, sd is 7 and we have 1y/o twins. Bm is an idiot and is on man 4 and in august moved 1.5 hours away to live with new guy and his 2 kids.

I suppotted bf in telling bm that he would be keeping sd fulltime and she could have weekends in order to keep everything the same for sd besides seeing her mom 1 day less every other week since for 2 years they had been doing 3/4 rotation. Bm agreed as ling as he didnt seek child support. Sure fine money hungry biatch.

Sd is with us mon night through thurs night with bm picking sd up from school friday and dropping her off monday (which she tried to get out of doing but i told bf no way she can take her kid to school one day a freaking week)

To say this school year has been hard woukdnt even be touching it. It started with sd calling bm crying every day afterschool. She missed her, we are mean and bm saying that sd was refusing to go to the sitter on the weekend and throwing a fit on mondays..she asked if we were having problems..because it couldnt possibly be that shr moved into her new bfs house with his kids. Nope sorry bm.

I am the one that takes sd to school every morning as bf is at work at 6 and he picks up. Sd started bot listening to what she was told to wear (clothes from our house vs from bms) we have had the clothing battle and had solved it by having a drawer for bms clothes that sd couldnwear on days she going back because the clothes are honestly inappropriate. .like off the shoulder tops and short skirts orill fitting actually sent sd to us in 4t pants.

Then sd started getting sick. She has always been sickly but she has been on meds literally all school year for all sorts of sicknesses. She always lies about handwashing and doesnt cover. So when she has a cough she has to wear a dr mask because she would be coughing right in my preemies faces for the car ride to school. She told her mom we make her wear a mask 247 and do not allow her out of her room. Well if shes she stays in bed with a bucket.

In the time ive been with bf, i have realized that i am the only adult in sds life with any follow through. If i say something is a rule then its a rule. I keep the rules within reason, wash your hands, eat your dinner, cover mouth when coughing. I stick to it no matter how many times it has to be said. I do the same with my infants! If i say no they cant touch the phones then i wont let them do it for even a moment.

I am at my end though with everything. Sd wants to be with her mom so i say fuck it let her go. Shr has been making up lies about me like saying i asked her if bms new bf touches her. Which never happened and not listening. I now take her to school in silence. Thats the only time i really see sd since i changed my schedule to nights so we didnt need daycare for the boys.

I cannot get it through bfs head that he has to follow through and he has to stop talking to sd like she is an adult vecause its making her think she can decide what she wants to do when she wants to. With all the lying bf just talked to her, i feel she should have had a consequence like now we do nit believe what you say sd because of lying so go do xyz over.

I am also getting the bulk of household stuff thrown on my plate. He says the 3 kids at night are too much so he doesbt have time to take out trash or wash a dish. So the house is the grossest ive ever lived in because i cannot keep up a fulltime job and cleaning for 5 people.

Hell i do not even have time to shower more then twice a week but he complains he cannot go see his friend. Says i see my friend..which about every 2 weeks my EX bfs mom comes over and plays with my boys so i can clean because she knows i like a clean house. She also has come over on nights i am at work to help with my boys so bf could do some house things but she tells me he instead just does a game with sd.

Ilwhat really brought me to do a post is that i hate the way he speaks to our babies. He will yell at them for crying and this week was the worst because HIS daughter gave them hand foot mouth and they were in pain from the sores and he was cussing because they kept waking him up. I told him if he ever speaks to the babies like that again he can take his kid and go and just pay me support.

I just cant do this alone anymore. I dont want to deal with sd anymore and i feel bad because i supported him in having her here majority time because he didnt want to just be a weekend dad but at this point he is close to becomming a weekend dad to our boys if that because he cannot handle the twins.

To make matters worse, we havento move in a few months and because i was left to pack up our old place alone i already started packing things and i have to also be the one to find our newbplace and stay on top of him to save money for it.

I just do not know how to make things okay again.

jmh302's picture

He is afraid i will leave. I have had to use this ultimatum a few times honestly. Wheb we first got together and i told him i refused to date a man that was still legally married even though they were seperated, when he was drinking and driving from his friends house and most recently when the twins were 4 months old and he was not getting up at might with them to help me.

The shape up or go tactic seems to work as each time it has come to that he does shape up. He got divoced, he stopped drinking and driving and he will get up with the boys even though he moans and groans through it and is now cussing.

He does not own abything except the tvs.. his car is even under my name though he paid for it.

I feel like a bitch having to go to the well do it or leave thing again and again but i cannot live like this.

jmh302's picture

Oh i know its toxic to do that. I just do not know how to get through to him any other way.

Its defibatly not been a bluff..yes i didnt make him leave but he made the changes.

I do not want to take the twins away from him..but he absolutly cannot speak to them as he does. What else am i to do then make him go?