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I am THIS close to wringing her neck >:(

JoanneO's picture

So, Some of you may remember my post about husband's Ex wife talking badly to husband's parents about him and how my SS is acting out ONLY with the BM, biting and slapping her????

WELL - listen to this -

The last episode of the SS being abusive was about 3 weeks ago. Hubby found out about this through his father, whom SS went to visit for a couple of hours. BM took him to visit. SS didn't want to listen and his actions towards his BM was the slapping and literal punching in the face! HE IS 6! She blames my hubby. Says SS acts this way because of their divorce. (Divorced almost 4 years and this started happening 1 year ago) SS DOES NOT act this way with us EVER!

Anyway, hubby has been calling BM every few days for a couple of weeks, but never gets a return call and just ends up leaving voicemails. FINALLY, this past Sunday BM answers the phone. He asks about what happened and she says "we have it under control." He asks if she would consider us taking him for a while and she "laughs." She won't give him any other information. He asks why she never returned his calls over the past 3 weeks, she says it wasn't convenient for her. He asks her what she wants from him and she says, "be a father to your son."

I am livid and so was hubby because here are the issues. We live in FL, SS and BM live in NJ. He pays 1000 a month in support for one child. (we have one on the way and I have a son from a previous marriage.) We see SS 1 to 2 times a year, but cannot do more than that because finances are tight and airfare is NOT cheap. We send gifts and cards for every holiday. Hubby calls once or twice a week, but SS won't talk to him on the phone and then beats up BM after he calls (according to her) SS has this thing with not talking to anyone on the phone.

So what more can hubby physically do, while we live so far away, other than what we do now? He mentions to her we have full intentions of moving back up north in the near future, for the child's sake BUT then BM makes comments like, "do u realize how expensive it is to live here." "why would you want to do that?"

I am so angry, I just want to send her an email and chew her head off!! I have been really trying to not say a word, but to hear my husband so upset about how this whole thing went down really rubs me the wrong way. HELP!


JoanneO's picture

All in favor of me writing her a an email say aye! Ofcourse, it will NOT be a mean email, but one of concern and an honest offering of some collaboration on how to better the situation............

loonybonusmom's picture

the best advice I ever got from this site....and you must detach now to save your own sanity. The unfortunate fact is that there is nothing you can do, especially with the distance between you and your skid. The sad fact is that even if you are able to move closer to him, there will still be little that you can do. Sending any email will just waste your time, and fuel any fire that this bm has started, nasty or out of concern. My advice is step back, in our situation my dh has come to the conclusion that since the bm's insist on having the primary care regardless of what may be best for the children...they are the ones that will have to deal with the repercussions of how they choose to raise the children...good bad, or ugly. The only thing that we can do when our access is cut to a few visits a year, is provide a stable loving home....which includes providing an atmosphere where everyone is respected, and loved...even when it is for a day, a few hours etc. The skids may not always like it, but I believe they can only benefit from the experiences. Your dh is doing all he can, keeping in contact with his son, supporting his family, and loving his child(ren)

JoanneO's picture

Your comments helped me to see the light in this situation. DH and I talked about it today and all he is going to do is keep trying to communicate and do what he can while we are so far away. It's a tough situation. I definitely wouldn't have handled it properly if I didn't have you all to help me out. I will keep you posted.
thanks again