Husband's Favoritism Toward His Bio Daughter
Hi all. I am starting to resent my stepdaughter's visits or even any time she is brought up because I feel that my husband shows favoritism toward her. I have two kids--an 8 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. My husband's daughter is also 3; shes's four days younger than my son. I try to understand that he doesn't see her often, but, until this past month, my husband and I haven't lived together because he relocated 5 hours away over a year ago...so he didn't see any of us often. It's little things that bug me.
If my son wakes up in the middle of the night, my husband tells him to go back to bed; if my stepdaughter wakes up in the middle of the night, my husband says that she's scared and lets her get in bed with us. My husband jokes about my son being a mama's boy, but then he babies his daughter by carrying her around the house and things like that. Yet, I gave my son a piggyback ride in a parking lot last weekend and my stepdaughter kept saying how spoiled he is to my son and me. My husband and I had an argument after we received our wedding pictures because my husband was holding his daughter in EVERY group picture. If my son is upset, my husband tells him to dry up his tears. If his daughter is upset, though, it's "What's wrong?"
I have tried talking to my husband about this so many times, but he doesn't agree that he's treating her any differently. Don't get me wrong--he will discipline her (because she lies and throws fits) and he does tell her to help my kids pick up. It's just the rest of the time and the little things that I feel he isn't being fair to my kids about. Since every time I bring it up ends in an argument, would it be wrong for me to take just my kids somewhere else for a little while when my stepdaughter visits? I'm hoping that will help my husband bond with his daughter without it hurting my kids' feelings. I'm not saying that we'd spend the entire weekend away, just several hours. I do have a good relationship with my stepdaughter and I take all three kids places and do things with them. My husband has recently decided to change his visitation to once a month and all of June instead of the current every two weeks, and I'm afraid that the disparity will get worse. Any comments or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Sounds like some of this may
Sounds like some of this may be gender issues. The little boy is supposed to "man up" but the little girl needs a protector.
Also he is always going to feel different about his child. It's just human nature. But the actions should be more consistent.
That's interesting that you
That's interesting that you pointed out it could be gender-related. I always attributed the fact that my husband didn't treat my daughter like that so much on the fact that my daughter is 8. He fusses at her for things like having an attitude, but that's to be expected. I understand the difference between the kids, but my kids don't...and I don't feel that should be a fact of life they have to deal with. I told my husband that when his daughter visits, I'm going to take my kids places so that he can have some personal time with his daughter. I don't plan on spending the entire weekend apart, but I'm hoping this will allow them to bond before we have "family time". I will try to figure out if this really is gender-related.