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Newby's picture

Hello, i am new to this site but was certainly excited to find it. Just from reading some of the entries, this looks like a good place to learn and vent.
I have recently become a stepmother (I have no children of my own), to an 11yr old girl who has lived with only her father since she was 2. They have an amazing connection and for the most part she is well behaved but I feel guilty for resenting her and wanting more time alone with my husband. We have only been married 9months but I already question what I have done:( I love my husband, he is amazing for many reasons, the most obvious those being that he has raised a little girl on his own but...I can't tell where he ends and she begins and its problematic at times. But its not just their relationship, the issues also involve his mother and sister...who adore this child but to the point of idolizing her. All that is ever talked about when we are all together is the child, how wonderful, perfect, sweet, kind, super she is. Story after story, memory after memory.

Does any of this sound familiar or am I being selfish?

Newby's picture

Thanks for your response.
I have days when I feel very lucky to have them both in my life but over the last couple of months I feel less grateful and more frustrated:( I encourage my DH to have daddy/daughter days and I often stay late at work or go out with friends or go the gym so that I don't have to be there and they can have the bonding time they are so used to.
Lately she has been lying/telling stories and what i consider to be feigning illness. Its very annoying and I don't know how to overcome the lying because it is so obvious. My DH says its part of growing up, I think there is more to it. On the surface she seems to be coping with the marriage but I think deep down (you are right) she is feeling insecure and seeking attention.
I wish I could believe that as she gets older she'll want more time away from him but I don't see it happening. She never seeks out her friends outside of school unless we suggest it, she comes home from school and puts on her pajama's. In the middle of summer on a beautiful day she stays indoors because that's where he is. She is used to them being a "team" and daddy's little helper and privvy to all things adult which is hard for me to accept. She doesn't need to be a part of all of our decisions but...she is.
Sorry I am all over the place, lots of pent up stuff...