You are here

How to make BM pay for medical expenses???

Star_gazer's picture

I recently started covering my step children on my health insurance policy. Now that DH has primary physical custody with shared visitation with BM (1 week on 1 week off) we decided it was best to have me cover the family.....my employer has great benefits. The problem we run in to today......BM has SD this week, keeps her home from school and BM has her mother take her to the doctor. Now with the new insurance she has to pay a copay...Skids were on chip prior to this. This is the first time we have had to use my insurance for the children...and of course today the conversation comes up as to who is responsible for the payments. Well I'm sorry but I cover the insurance so therefore I feel that if it is your week and you feel she needs to see the doctor then you pay the copay. BM always cries poor but she has plenty of money for date night with bf...for her nails...for her hair. (YES I am a little bitter....I don't have the money for this...we foot all the bills for her kids!) Any way back to the issue....not a big deal with copay. My bigger issue is that DH has the conversation this morning with BM that if you take to primary doctor you pay bill and prescriptions..i agree with same. DH tells BM that if larger bills are accomilated..ie- dental care (which is scheduled for 2 weeks) then we will pay half of the bill...fair right?! I think so...but BM says that she may not have all the money at one time so she will just make payments...UMMM no...your child...your bill. PAY IT!!! My concern is that if the other children need care and they are all using the same physician...can MY children be turned away because of her bill????? I have spoken to DH who wants to talk about it later tonight when we are both home from work. I want everything writing from this woman. So tired of making her life easier! No one wants to make my life easier.

Glassslipper's picture

CHECK YOUR STATE LAWS!
It differs by state who is liable, in some states it is the legal guardian of the insured child.
In New York and Wisconsin it is the person who hold the insurance.

SO in New York and Wisconsin, if Stepmom has the insurance on the kids, and BM takes them to the doctor, and BM changes the address on file, then the bill is sent to BM's address.
If BM NEVER pays the bills, then they will come after YOU for the money. AND if BM changes the phone number on file at the Md's office to her phone number, the bill, collections and collections calls will all go to BM! who can ignore and ignore and ignore till your credit is RUINED!

BE CAREFUL FELLOW STEP MOMS.
COVERING YOUR KIDS INSURANCE COULD COST YOU YOUR CREDIT RATING!

That's why I refused to even consider it!

TexasBonusMom's picture

In Texas my DH's CO states that he has to provide medical coverage (or pay additional child support if the child is on state assistance) AND also has to pay 50% of the co-pay.

This is actually my rant for today.....I was just informed that BM plans on taking SS to the orthodontist....Our insurance only covers up to $1500 max (LIFETIME). The estimate she got from the office is $7500 so that would leave $6000 out of pocket and she non nonchalantly says "so we will split the $6000" ..... UMMMM NO! I am LIVID. Braces are not a necessity and we can't afford $3000!!! I can't even afford to take my own children to the dentist or doctor because of our deductible. She lives at home with her parents, works full time, doesn't cover her child on insurance (because she "can't afford it"), and receives over $700/mo in child support.

Star_gazer's picture

My premiums did go up. The copay for the primary doctor isn't really a big deal. My concern is the dental bills....I just received a bill for my daughter from the dentist...which i will pay. I just know that BM wouldn't if it was SD's bill. We do not have a court order....i guess that's the first mistake.

Thumper's picture

Adviceonly, so she was scoring child's Adhd/add med's?

Many meth heads do---I have seen a few go as far as getting their own diagnosis. Doctor shop for the Doc who allows a drug addict the prescription for Adderall,Vyvanse Ritalin, Concerta. For crying out loud clean and sober is not 'taking precursors and sched II narcotics.

thinkthrice's picture

Most of these psycho BMs have a touch of the Munchausens by Proxy. The Girhippo was no exception. When OSS, at the time, 11 yrs old, tripped over his own feet in gym, she rushed him in for an MRI. Never, ever paid her share of the copays. Told Chef she thought it was meningitis and got Chef all scared.

The greatest thing was when Chef no longer had health insurance at his new job so it forced the Gir to put the 3 skids on her cadillac insurance plan (she works as a CPS worker in her county) Thank GOD this all happened before Obamacare got rammed in, otherwise Chef would have really been screwed.

Of course she got the CS upped to "compensate her for carrying the insurance" which is FREE to her even with the skids on it; but it was worth it not having yet another bill after the fact for an ER trip over a hang nail.

And they wonder why insurance rates are so high.

ESMOD's picture

This should be 100% covered by the separation or custody order.

In our case, my DH was responsible for having the kids covered by insurance and all out of pocket expenses were to be split 50/50.

I also have good insurance with my company and DH being self employed doesn't have good coverage options, so they are on my policy.

It generally turned out that we would pay almost 100% of out of pocket because BM is irresponsible and doesn't work regularly and never had her share.

Sucked, but that's what happened in our case and we just felt going to court would have been another whole can of worms and it was easier to just pay more.

Star_gazer's picture

My DH was fighting to get full custody of the kids when we met. The courts never heard his side...only what the lawyers had to say. So last year when BM wanted to move in with her bf and "give" the kids to DH full time he jumped at the chance. He had his lawyer draw up papers..every one signed and was sent in front of the judge. CS was dropped by her since he was the one paying...DH was advised that since the kids live with us but have shared 50/50 custody and he makes more than BM that there is a chance we would have to pay her CS for the weeks she has them. So the CS just seems like an issue i'd rather not deal with at the moment....couldn't stomach paying her CS and footing the bill for everything else.

My premiums increased because of the # of dependents on my plan....with more than two children it went to a "family plan". Not that big of a deal but when you add up all the little things...just makes me angry that she is always the one crying poor.

Disneyfan's picture

How much would your husband have to pay if a CS order were in place?

If trying to force mom to cover co-pays incurred during her timeyes would result in dad paying a high amount of CS, just etc this go.

Do not cut off your nose to spite your face.

Disneyfan's picture

*****

ESMOD's picture

The difference in my plan is about 600/year between "family" and employee/spouse.

I know this kind of thing can stick in your craw. My DH's EX basically ignored all medical bills. She even would put him down as the "responsible party" when he didn't even know the kids had been to the doctor. I found this during a review of his credit history. I tracked down the medical facility, threatened to sue them for wrecking his credit and in the end, they fixed his credit report and I went ahead and paid off the balance due.

Since there is a risk that financially your family will be worse off by pushing this issue with the EX, I would let it lie. I would try to think of it as paying money for his kids.. not letting BM off the hook. I know it's hard and I resented the EX, but you can't change people.

thinkthrice's picture

"My DH's EX basically ignored all medical bills. She even would put him down as the "responsible party" when he didn't even know the kids had been to the doctor."

We have the same BM!!

Maxwell09's picture

In my DH and BM's custody order money is not addressed at all. No child support and no medical expenses because at the time he was 1 and no one thought to plan ahead for the future (like braces etc). BM likes to use this to her advantage and refuses to pay for anything when it best suits her (like when she is trying to blackmail DH into giving into her demands). Because we have SS during the week, I usually take him to the doctor and dentist appointments. We pay the co-pay and DH has SS on his medical. Last year BM wanted SS to go see a dermatologist for eczema (she didnt believe DH when he told her that is what he had) so she offered to pay half of the co-pay if I would take him. She also wanted him to get fillings for two teeth that the dentist said weren't bad enough but could potentially get worse if SS didn't slow down on the juice. DH sent her half of the bill (he only drinks water and little powerade at football practice over here so it seemed fair). DH told her she had to pay her half either to the dentist office or in check to him before the date of procedure or it wouldn't happen. If BM takes SS to the emergency room or to the doctor during the summer during one of her weeks then she is responsible for paying for the co-pay and any prescriptions he needs as we always do the same when he falls sick on our time. They didn't agree to this but DH has made it pretty clear she will be responsible for running him to the doctor's for any little thing. Keep receipts for everything and always email BM notifying her of her half owed so she can't say she didn't know about it.

Cover1W's picture

Medical coverage is not addressed in DH's CO either, but just that the costs must be worked out b/t the two parties. So far, so good. Until this year when DH's job status changed and he's been hired as a consultant/free agent and the employer doesn't provide insurance.

We added the SDs to my plan two years ago due to an unexpected situation and it was only a couple months.

SDs have now been on my plan for the second time for 4 months with no end in sight. DH now owes me premium costs for those four months (and he'll make it good) and the costs are adding up. I told DH that I want the SDs off my plan because I'm tired of paying the premiums out of my paycheck. He needs to find out when BM's open enrollment period is, or if/when he's eligible. Because if I add the SDs on my plan, and I'm not the prime parent, I have to sign a document certifying that if a parent, or DH, becomes eligible to add persons (i.e. their open enrollment period) the SDs/DH must come off my plan.

If they don't do this, and the insurance company finds out, I could be liable for reimbursing my employer for those payments, in full. So no, I'm all over DH to find out when BM's open enrollment is and if he is going to qualify himself - if possible.

I won't do this again and DH knows it. He and BM have to figure it out.
At least BM pays her bills. She and DH just have it good right now and I'm PO'd about it.

Acratopotes's picture

What would happen if you take it up with the primary service providers? If DH brings the kids in they bill him...
If BM brings the kids in they bill her - if she does not pay it's got nothing to do with you and DH? BM is not allowed to add any medical expenses to your bill....

If medical coverage is not part of the CO, then I would simply tell BM.... if you refuse to pay your share, I will simply take the kids of my cover..... then you and DH can pay a fortune for medical, I'm the SM not the parent it's not my responsibility to cover your kids.

Cover1W's picture

That's the problem in the U.S.
One cannot just be "dropped" from a plan.

Those currently on a plan, to be removed, must prove coverage under the new plan to be dropped mid-year. Or, sometimes, at open enrollment (once a year) they can be dropped. So once those kids are on there it could be a year before they can be removed.

Rags's picture

Time for a revision to the CO. Ours was very clear. DickHead was responsible for providing health insurance for the Skid. DickHead's CS was increased by half of the cost of covering SS for med insurance if DickHead failed to provide adequate coverage. Since DickHead never did that I covered the Skid as EE+Family on my employer provided medical insurance.

He did add SS to his coverage at about year 10 of our CO and took us to court to try to get his CS lowered since he was providing insurance. His policy was so bad that the judge just laughed at him and told him that 10 years was too long to wait for him to step up and that the coverage he provided was so poor that DickHead would have to continue to pay for half of the cost of the coverage I provided whether DickHead provided coverage or not.

Our CO stipulated that any medical expenses not covered by insurance was to be split 50/50 by my bride and the SpermIdiot. This included doctor and Rx copays, any uncovered dental work, eye care/Glasses/Contacts, etc......

Over the 16+ years we lived under a CO the SpermIdiot accrued ~$6K in liability to us for his share of the Skid's uncovered med related expenses. We never saw a dime. We still invoice him twice a year and apply penalties and interest to his balance so he is now pushing ~$11K due to failure to live up to his obligation. We took the issue to family law court and were told it was not an issue for that venue even though he was in violation of the Custody/Visitation/Support CO. That judge referred us to the civil courts initially to small claims before the balance was as high as it is now.

We get about one begging call a year from SpermGrandHag for us to leave the DipShitIot alone but ... }:) }:) }:) we get a lot of entertainment value out of bending that idiot over. Our answer to her calls is "Have your son settle his debt and obligation to care for his son." SpermGrandHag then goes into the whining and crying about how unfair it is and how the two still minor SpermIdiot Spawned half sibs by baby mama #3 will suffer if DipShitIot has to pay his debt. We then remind her of the incident when SS was in SpermLand on visitation and got a rusty fish hook stuck in his leg while swimming in a lake and she refused to get him to a doctor for a Tetanus shot. We told her that she either took him immediatly for treatment or we would have a helicopter pick the Skid up and transport him for care and she woulg pay for it. She bitched and moaned but loaded the kid up and drove him several hours to the ER in her home town. In an act of revenge she named me as the responsible party since the insurance was in my name. After reminding her of taht crap we tell her if she wants to end the liability to write us a check since she and SpermGrandPa were the ones that paid their idiot son's CS liability and for visitation travel for the entire duration of the CO and had set the precendent of being responsible for DipShitIots spawning related liabilities. Then we threaten to initiate collections through court and name her along side of teh SpermIdiot. She shuts up for another year at that point.

The Skid (now adopted) knows about the situation and knows that if the SpermIdiot ever steps up and pays his obligation that the money will go into the Skid's USAA IRA. The Skid does not really care. He minimizes anything to do with the SpermClan adn though he laughs about his SpermIdiot's pathetic waste of skin status he would really rather have it all fade into the past.

It appears that his mom and I raised him to be a far better person than she and I are since he did not develop the vindictive streak we both have and enjoy when it comes to rubbing the SpermClan's noses in their pathetic excuse for lives. :? Dirol }:)

You may not be successful in getter BM to pay (we have not been with the SpermClan) but having the CO ammended to clearly spell out her liability for paying for part of the insurance premium and half of any Skid medical expenses not covered by insurance will give you a decent stick to beat her with going forward if she does not step up.

Have fun!!!! }:)