You are here

How do you deal with an insecure BM?

itsgottostop's picture

4 years and it's getting old....

How do you deal with a BM who constantly feels the need to make comments like "I am his are not and that will NEVER change." I could understand if I were some evil SM who tried to make the kids call me mom and things like that. I do not and never have tried to "steal" her son from her as she claims. She can't stand the fact that my SS and I get along and he likes coming over to our house.

Sometimes I think it's best just to bite my tongue and let her say what she wants. But sometimes I just want to knock her head off her goofy looking body (literally). Any suggestions on how to deal with someone like this? It's obviously never going to get better...

Asher10's picture

I always found it was best to address those insecurities head on.I wrote a letter to bm when she was pulling that stuff.I let her know all the things I enjoyed about SD but then I also let her know that while I cared for Sd and took care of her basic needs,that's where it ended for me.I assured her that while I did enjoy SD's company,I had absolutely no interest in playing mommy or making decision regarding SD.
It worked very well until recently when both SD and BM seem to have fallen off the sane people wagon and dropped into crazytown.
You have to be careful not to make her feel like you're talking down to her though.It's a tricky situation but it can be handled easily if your BM has half a brain.

Marie0124's picture

It is very hard. My BM is always telling me,"you'll understand once you have kids" or "I'm their mom. They are my whole life", etc. I have tried telling her that I love them but have no interest in taking her place. I have enough responsibility!! I've tried to imagaine how she feels. Would I want another woman so involved in the lives of my kids? Especially one that they love and enjoy spending time with? It would be tough even for a very secure woman. I don't have any answers but we are slowly coming to an understanding that it's best for the boys to be happy and lived at both houses