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How do we split expenses in a blended family?

jam1's picture

We married 2 years ago. She has 2 boys from a previous marriage (11 and 13)for which she receives child support. We now have a 9 month old baby between us. We could just split everything 50/50, but how does the child support factor in? I could pay for 1 1/2 (30%) of the 5 people while she pays for 3 1/2 (70%) of the 5 people. Should different bills be paid differently (mortgage, utilities, food). Also what exactly is child support intended to cover? Thanks for your opinions.

herewegoagain's picture

I think you should pay for 30%, just as you state. If she doesn't like it, well, that's what CS is for, that's why she should have a job, etc...Now, if she doesn't have a job because of the baby, etc...then you should pay more unless you WANT her to work and she doesn't want to.

CS should cover EVERYTHING you need for those kids. Food, housing and STUFF...everything. If it doesn't cover it, it's not because he needs to pay more, but because the life you are living is higher than what he can afford...also, not YOUR problem or the NCPs problem. Then mom needs to decide if she wants to make more money so her kids can have a higher standard of living or not.

jam1's picture

I should add that we both have pretty good jobs and make about the same amount of money.

Ommy's picture

CS should only be used on the two kids it is meant for.

I would divide rent, food, water, electricity (say it is $500 a month) and I would divide it by 5 then with the amount that her boys use (200).So 200 dollars of CS goes to house hold bills. the rest should be split evenly between the two of you. the rest of CS can go to clothes and extras for her boys.

this is what I would do.

mamamomo's picture

We never really divide the bills up. My DH pays some I pay some if his wallet's empty or he's running low on gas before he gets paid I make sure I give him some money and he does the same for me so it all equals out we have to take care of each other why does it matter who pays for what as long as we are both responsible with our money

duct_tape's picture

It really doesn't matter what we think. What do you think? And what does your spouse think? Some people have no problem splitting finances and others wouldn't dream of it. My husband and I had a bit of a problem when we first got married. Things started off a little awkward. But we ironed it out, only by communication though.

As far as our arrangement, everything is based on total trust. We run several businesses together, so I handle the books regarding the business. He has a checking account and we stock that account with funds to pay for living expenses (mortgages, utilities etc.)
We both use credit cards for incidentals and pay balances every month in full. That way we are mentally aware of spending. Since we spend so much time together, we usually spend together.

Regarding the kids. He had one with absolutely no limits. I had five that worked and were very financially capable. That was the biggest hurdle for us. So, after a few disagreements, I said fine. What ever is spent on his, will also be spent on mine. All ridiculous spending halted immediately.

It's really what works for the individual. We trust each other. Neither of us are spenders. We enjoy the bank balance much more than the stuft closet or fancy cars. We don't have car payments or alot of bills.

Really each person's spending habits needs to be evaluated. If they are not equal, then that's probably your best starting point.

icehockey101's picture

I think it really depends on how you look at your marriage and your finances as part of that. When I married DH, it was good bad or otherwise. We had separate finances for awhile (mostly while dating) and it was a hassle. Now we have joint everything. DH also went back to school, and isn't working (at my insistence). So, I technically pay for everything, including his school tuition and back child support. Is it my job to do that, no. But there was also a time in our relationship when he paid more of the house bills (almost all of them) because I didn't work. I think one of the biggest reasons I dont mind is because I know how much he hates not working...

That being said, his ex pays $93 per month (yes, per month) in child support for SS13. That doesn't cover anything close to bills (and we live in a very modest home and dont spend out the wazoo). She claims she is unemployed and the people at the CSS office dont care that she has a part time job. Sigh. If I could, I would put some money from that away for college. But that's it.

When DH returns to working, everything will go into 1 bank account and we will work from that - no % of household bills or division. We are married and joined our lives - good and bad. That is just how we look at it.

trystme's picture

This is just my opinion but: If you want to keep everything separate, then why did you get married?

The preacher said "and the two shall become one flesh."

My opinion: Everything should be together. What's hers is yours what's yours is hers. All money should go to the good of the entire family. The both of you should sit down, in advance each month and make out a budget. This will include a little blow money for each of you to do with whatever you like. Both of you get the same control over the budget.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

I think when someone has an obligation or a debt (like children/CS) that you had no part in making, they are fully responsible for it. I had a blow up with fdh about it a few weeks back, since he speculated that I will pay for everything that is mine and ours, and he will just pay for his because he can't afford to contribute because of all his expenses when I knew he could if he didn't blow money on non necessities. I was willing to walk over it as I do not expect to be doing all the housework, paying all the bills, paying for our kids if we had any, while he can just continue to spend his money how he wants.

We finally came to an agreeable solution. Your debts still remain your own, but the money is the family's no matter whose name they're in, provided everyone contributes as much as they can.