How do I approach DH or do I suck it up?
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Please help!
Skids & Bios live with us full time. They all start school soon, but I am planning on a short trip to the beach before they go back. DH is working two jobs right now & can't go with us. My concern is SS14, who is and always has been the troublemaker. I don't want to take him without DH going with us. However, I feel like this is going to be a huge fight between DH & myself. How can I explain to DH I don't want to take SS with me? I've never done anything like this before, I have always done the same for all four children in our home. I want to go an enjoy the trip with the children but I know if I take SS with us everyone will be miserable.
maybe try to have SS go to a
maybe try to have SS go to a friend's house or something...and go to the beach with the twins and SD then? Are the twins male or female?
Simply tell DH you can not
Simply tell DH you can not control his teenage boy and you will have your hands full with the younger ones, he should arrange something for SS to be doing that day.
If you do not have the guts to talk to DH and say no SS, guess you are staying at home then
They're all 15... twin 15
They're all 15... twin 15 year olds, a 15 yr old SD... and then him, ss, 14.
then hell NO... not taking
then hell NO... not taking any off them to the beach....
no way I will be responsible for 4 teens at the beach... leave them at home and go all on your own and enjoy it
This makes me think of how
This makes me think of how people who need love the most, are the hardest to love. I don't know your situation and I don't know your SS but surely he can feel the distance and lack of love here if you're contemplating leaving him out of what appears to be a family trip to the beach? Surely there are other things happening that he feels - and that could be why he acts out?
I guess my biggest question
I guess my biggest question is , can you leave this SS at home and trust him not to get in troubles if you take the other teens and Dad is busy working?
If not, you need a plan on what to do with SS while you are gone and Dad is working. Then you need to be able to plan with DH when he can take his son (just Dad and son) for an overnight and do something fun. Whether that be before school starts or maybe not until an upcoming long weekend that Dad could take a day or two off better timing for Dad.
After checking out of few of your older post on this SS, I would not take him without his father being present either. You're not saying SS can't or doesn't 'deserve' a get-away, you're just telling Dad and SS that SS's behavior and attitude make it so you're not comfortable taking on the responsibility all by yourself. Another time Dad and he can go and everyone else will stay home.
You have no idea what you're
You have no idea what you're talking about, lmfao, "...and it frankly could have occurred already..." No, actually it could NOT have. See the fact that I work a FT job, DH is working two jobs ATM and the three children in the home who have not been suspended from school, under criminal investigation, stolen personal items from DH & I, lied about sexual encounters with step-family members - Who BTW will be going on the trip as well - have had things this summer that they had to accomplish prior to this particular weekend that was chosen. I will admit we could and had planned to go on this trip last weekend, but the double fatality car wreck that killed my aunt and uncle caused us to have to postpone the trip. Please keep your arrogant judgmental opinion about what I could have done already to your MFk'ing self! A simply "I disagree with leaving SS behind" would have sufficed...but you don't live in the hell hole that I have with him for the past 9 and half years, so if you you don't have to agree with me being tired of trying so hard to help someone that does NOT want help & is completely disrespectful towards me simply because I am a STEP parent.
Excluding SS is only going to
Excluding SS is only going to cause MORE problems. I honestly believe you need to take ALL of the kids or don't make the trip. What about planning something that is just for the day or for a few hours which ALL of the kids can enjoy and won't wear overly much on your nerves?
Either arrange something else
Either arrange something else for the boy that he will enjoy, like a camp, so the whole thing is framed differently: 14 year old is doing x, so fun! 15 year olds will do Y while ss is at X. Or be direct with the kid and tell him, "Can you prove to me that you can behave properly for x amount of time? (weeks between now and the trip) If so, we will take you. If you misbehave while on the trip, I will put you on a Greyhound bus back home immediately."
I take SS15 tons of places and do tons of things for him I no longer do for SDnow18(yippeeyippeeyippee). She knows why. She knows damn well why.
Parents cannot expect their hellions to be welcome everywhere. Teach them not to be hellions and they will be welcome everywhere.
"DH, I know you're aware of
"DH, I know you're aware of some friction between SS and me, and while I'd like to take everyone to the beach for a weekend, I'm really concerned that his attitude would spoil things for everyone else. So I'm considering options... can you think of any? So far, the best option I can think of is to leave him here with you so you can have some father/son time the last summer he can't drive, but I really don't know if he'd feel excluded if we did that - or if he'd appreciate having a chance to be a young man without all the estrogen flowing around him. I could really use your input."
And stick to your preferences!
Here's what I think would have been GREAT earlier this summer for him:
https://www.youngmarines.com/
...of course, as a former Marine myself, I know how the USMC worked for me... Everyone treated me with a lot more respect after boot camp because I treated everyone else with more respect (and I gained a lot more self-respect). YM is said to be good like that.
Thinking some more... Not to
Thinking some more... Not to judge (I don't know your situation at all, so be patient as I roll out some "devil's advocate" thoughts)... if I was DH and working two jobs to support the fam, if you left me with Hellraiser II while you all went to the beach to have fun, I'd be pretty PO'd anyway, just because I'm working myself to death and everyone else is having fun - and THEN you want to leave Hellraiser II behind for me to deal with during the 8 hours a day that I get off of work - which would have me unwinding a little so I can sleep before I went back to work?
I'd be working two jobs, and you can't watch Hellraiser II for a few days? I gotta ask, WHAT is wrong with Hellraiser II? Is he a pinhead??? Seriously, if the kid is THAT DADGUM BAD, I'd wonder if a vacation is even AT ALL appropriate?? Can't you get all those 15-YOs to help out??? If not, I don't think they deserve a vacation - or this 14-YO is so profound in his awfulness that maybe you should have him committed.
Just sayin'...
DH is fine with us going, DH
DH is fine with us going, DH is going on several trips after his second job comes to an end around September/October. Yes, the kid really can be "that dadgum bad" if he wants to be.
OK, so I sew your other post,
OK, so I sew your other post, which greatly clarifies things - this isn't simply *a teen being a little bit of a handful.*
As for your situation, I'd say you gotta make your best decision - I can't EVEN imagine...
Agree... and sometimes kids
Agree... and sometimes kids who feel left out "act out" and try to get some attention, which gets them labeled as "troublemakers," which gets them left out. Vicious circle!
'EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS MARCIA, MARCIA, MARCIA!'
In case you missed this part:
In case you missed this part: "I've never done anything like this before, I have always done the same for all four children in our home." I am not the reason for how he is. He is nearly 15 years old and makes the decisions daily to lie, cheat, steal & flat out disrespect me. Although when DH called his BM to come and get him because he was in so much trouble, I am the only reason he stayed in our home because it's the only stability in his life. I want two and a half days without worrying if he is going to make us some lie on me or the other kids to cause trouble or if he is going to steal something from someone and I am going to have to deal with that or if I ask/tell him to do something if he is going to flat out refuse because DH isn't there.
See these are the issues with me taking him with me without DH.
I guess I am wondering what
I guess I am wondering what kind of trouble you would expect. Is he a complainer? Is it that he doesn't listen well and doesn't get ready on time etc? Is he rude/abusive to you or the other kids?
TBH, at that age, depending upon where you are going, the kids shouldn't have to be stuck up your tail and you should be able to park yourself at the pool or beach and just ask for regular check ins. (in person checkins.. none of that texting crud). If someone doesn't play by the rules.. doesn't check in.. they lose their independence privileges.
Yeah.. that means you as the adult will have to keep the offender with you and deal with their sullen attitude, but I can't see how it will ruin everyone else's vacay.
And.. while i know it's true you want to enjoy all if this, if your DH is working two jobs, he really seems to be doing a whole lot and perhaps you could try to make this work.
TBH, if the other 3 kids are well behaved, having one sullen teen isn't going to be an insurmountable issue for one adult.