Ho to stop feeling upset by the ex-wife
My husband and I have been together for six years and married for one year. In the last few years my husband's ex-wife - sweet social butterfly - seems to me to do hurdles to maintain her position in his extended family. She and I have zero relationship - she emails my husband but will not phone our house and it's obvious that it's because she doesn't want to hear me answer the phone. It is clear to me that she wants zero zero zero contact with me. Fine - I have no wish to have contact with her. What upsets me is that she seems to have put a lot of energy recently into relationships with people in his family, people who we particularly have close relationships with. She does not seem to pursue people that we do not have close relationships with. My husband's nephew has moved into her house as a boarder. Last year she travelled to visit the parents of that nephew AND STAYED IN OUR COTTAGE. This year we are going on holidays to our cottage and I hear now that she would like to go at the same time and stay at my husband's brother's house down the street from us. I don't understand why this woman who not coincidentally cannot look me in the eye or greet me if we run into each other, wanted to stay in my house last year, and now wants to be on holidays in the same town where we will certainly daily be visiting houses back and forth because of the close relationship between my husband and me, and his brother and the brother's wife. Am I crazy for believing that she is doing this all to bother me? More importantly, I have been looking and looking for information on how to stop being bothered by her, and I find no good help out there. If we are both on holidays at the same time, do I decide not to play her game and simply not visit the brother-in-law's house where she'll be staying? How do I keep her out of MY house if my brother-in-law and his wife drop by to visit? I'm at my wit's end here. My husband appears to get nervous about how I will behave, but on the other hand other than to say we shouldn't care about what his ex-wife does, I don't get any ideas from him about how to handle this stuff. Anyone out there have any good advice on how to be dignified, how not to enter into competition with this woman, and just not be bothered by her emotionally? I would like not to care what she does, but I feel like she's widening her circle and I'm being forced into a lonely corner out of what is my own family of in-laws, who are all really good people. Thanks for any intelligent advice.