HELP! Thanksgiving Issues
I am so relieved to find this website! I need some advice/help which is really weighing on me.
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Most of this time we have lived together in my house with my three children. He also has four of his own, three locally and one on the west coast that he hardly ever sees.
We have my children all of the time, as they only go see their dad every other weekend. His children are with us every weekend. So every other weekend we have six children in our home for a whole weekend. Most of the children get along fine most of the time, but I have an 11 year old that has some emotional and coping issues that he is dealing with. He is in therapy and we're trying to help him as much as possible. Because of this issue and the tension it causes sometimes, going anywhere with six children is REALLY HARD, to say the least.
I love his children and I know he loves mine. We both have some resentment issues regarding the other's children, but we are a family, are committed to each other, and we're trying to make it work the best we know how.
Last Thanksgiving, after we had been together for a year, he invited me to come home with him and his kids to Kansas for the holiday. My children were not invited. I was hurt that they were excluded, but I chalked it up to our relationship being new and not knowing the territory, as it was my first time in Kansas. It was hard to go without them, but they had a nice time with their dad and grandparents.
This Thanksgiving is coming up and we are again invited to Kansas for the holiday. I told him a few weeks ago that I would really like to bring my kids with us to Kansas, because they haven't been anywhere in awhile, and after all, it's Thanksgiving. I do not want to be without my children for another holiday.
He seemed a little receptive to the idea, but then we dropped the topic. Last night, it came up again. He was looking at the calendar and deciding when to leave for Kansas. Then he asked me if I was going. I said I didn't know. Then he asked me where my kids are going. I said they were going wherever I was going. He said, "I told you, I am NOT making that trip with six kids. That is miserable, and I'm not doing it." I said, "Well I guess I'm not going then."
Needless to say, being a very internally emotional person, I've been seething for the past 12 hours. He knows I'm mad. I told him I was mad, I told him why I was mad and I told him that he hurt my feelings. He apologized for hurting my feelings, but stuck to his decision. I then dropped him off at work, and came home and began searching for answers.
What do I do?? I'm pissed off that he would make me choose between my kids and him on a holiday. After all, his kids are going FOR SURE. Should I be mad? Should I let this go? We are suppose to be a family, but why doesn't it feel like it?? Shouldn't families be together on holidays? Is he wrong because he's not willing to sacrifice 13 hours in the car for a holiday together? Or am I wrong because I'm taking this decision personally? I know he has a valid point, but I think I have one too. HELP!!!