Help - Sturggling to see how i am wrong
So, if you don't know my story I have 1 child (17) my partner has 6, three of which stay with us.
Today their dad tells her that he had to buy new school uniform pants because her eldest could not find his pants, the assumption is that mine has the pants.
When she tells me this I respond by saying this is not the first time her son has packed my son's shirt multiple times in the past.
and then next thing I know we are in a fight. I tell her I do not understand what the hell just happened and I am accused of being defensive in bringing up the past like that. I reply saying it's not defensive it is just something that has happened in the past and will continue to happen with two boys who are similar in size.
Now I am in the dog house for not sharing these past occurrences.
What I can't understand is that as a parent when I handle what I consider a trivial situation I don't run to my partner with an update because she is not my mother that I must report everything to.
Since I have Aspergers I can never tell if I have actually done something wrong by not sharing or she is overreacting.
Do you share every part of your alone time with the kids with your partners?
Keep in mind that in the past I have had the boys contact each other to arrange it so and this seems like such a trivial thing to me.
thanks in advance.
Grammar Correction
When she tells me this I respond by saying this is not the first time her son has packed my son's shirt multiple times in the past.
should be
When she tells me this I respond by saying this is not the first time, her son has packed my son's shirt multiple times in the past.
It's hard to know without
It's hard to know without context. Do you say "your kids do it, too" every time she brings up a concern about your son? Was she frantically trying to find a pair of pants for her kid and that's the answer she got? Does she criticize you about lots of things you say? Hard to know what happened based on that snippet of how you two interacted.
And label the school uniforms so they know what belongs to who.
It's frustrating when no
It's frustrating when no solution is offered, just, "Well, your kids have done it, too." It really accomplishes nothing and if it's happened many times in the past, but nothing was said or done about it, it just seems like a dig to bring it up, now.
Something should have been done about it when if first started happening. That's why she's upset that you didn't say anything back then; this situation could have been avoided.
Time to start making them more responsible for their own uniforms.
I think it sounds like your
I think it sounds like your partner got some grief from the EX because their child didn't have the proper uniform for school. So, I'm sure that they were in a fairly frustrated mind set when they talked to you about the missing pants.
Your response that her son had done something similar in the past did come off a little petty as if you were reaching into your bag of saved grievances to spar with her on this issue. The reality is that both of the boys have likely done things like this in the past.. but THIS time it was a larger issue because it was a required piece of clothing for school.. and perhaps the boy's dad didn't have spares maybe because he is NCP... or this is not the first pair of these pants to go missing.. so this was becoming a big enough problem to address with his ex?
I agree the better way to deal with it would have been to see if you (both) could locate the pants. If they are the same size.. then there really should be some marking inside on the tag or waistband that would help people keep track of their own clothes.. especially for uniform items that aren't otherwise easy to differentiate. Actually, with kids the same size, laundry marks.. an initial.. something would actually help when it comes time for laundry sorting etc..
The boys also need to be reminded that while they may be willingly sharing clothing when they are both in the home.. that they need to ensure that when going on visitation.. the corrrect clothing is taken. If they are teens.. they are well old enough to figure out how to make that happen.
This is a teen, why didn't
This is a teen, why didn't the kid pack pants? He probably didn't feel like looking for them & figured dad would buy him some. Your kid obviously didn't take the pants out of his bag at dad's house. It seems everyone is blaming the wrong person here. The kid should be responsible for his own items.
Aspergers or not, you are far
Aspergers or not, you are far from wrong. Your SO is being petty and likely is deflecting through agressive behavior.
Time for the "if you do not like how I parent and discipline you can step up and get it done before I have to" model.
And no. My bride and I did not share every little infraction that the Skid perpetrated and how it was dealt with. Few couples do whether the kids in the picture are Skids or BKs, etc...
Somthing is off in how she is behaving. Good luck figuring it out. It may just be one of those things that will pass and you will never know what it was about.