HELP SKID IS GETING DISTRUTIVE AND VIOLENT
Ok folks let me preface this with an about me. I am a calm lady I dealn with all kinds all kids all the time. I have some anxiety that i live with but on the day to day im a pretty calm lady. I almost never spank my children any of then i have 3 bio and one skid. I have been step for almost 4 years here is the issue in a nut shell. My skid's mother is insane she regularly disowns her oldest and her defult setting is screaming. After years of careful handling she tells everyone i am great and we are 'friends' im not two faced i am always calm and poliet therefore some kind of weird calm has been establiahed. The original custody order was every 1 3 and 5th weekend but as my skid had no friends and was a holy terror his mom decided to adopt the same custody schedule i have every other week. This was ok until she decided she wanted him home every night now he is with me from 4 am to 730 pm monday-friday saturday from 5 pm to sunday at 7:30pm. When he came into my life he was in trouble at school daily and had been kicked out of multiple daycares. Flash forward to now. He is almost never in trouble at school and gets daily praise for that. However he has started taking knives and hacking up things my porch bags of spices cultlry slicing open packs of food and putting them back in the fridge. Taking screwes out of stair treds and then today he threw my oldest son to the ground at the bus stop. Im done. My bio kids are incredibly small my skid is not. My So thinks that brothers fight and it is fine but none of the bio kids put thier hands on eachother. The boy who was pushed down is rhe oldest he is regularly shoved and pushed at school because he is nearly 13 and barely 50lbs and 4' 8" i have 0 tolerance for the kids putting their hands on eachother. Between back talk breaking things arguing about everything and being sneeky and distructive about nearly every chore he is asked to do i am at my end in my boi kids have each been spanked about twice my oldest has been spanked 3 times in his entire life he is the 9 months older than my skid. I have had kids move bricks, rake rocks, run laps, work off punishments, and give up privileges as well as had many talks about why these things happened and what a better choice would have been. His mother hits him when he missbehaves then he stops while i dont parent this way at this point i whole heartedly belive my so should spank this child i wouod donit myself but qhith his mom being so unstable i dont she has said his father can spank him and i am not to put ny hands in him i belive on of my so's exs was a spank all the time parent. But nothing else is working and now he has escalated from hurting thinks to hurting people first with taking out the screwes in the stair tred witch left me bruised from the middle of my back to my knee on one side and now to pushing his much smaller brother on to the ground. My so and i went in circles about parenting he was a yell and spank guy when i met him and when he saw that other things worked he stopped yelling and spanking However this behavior continues to escalate am i out of line to say the boy needs his butt smacked? We are not the custodial parents so i can not take him to counseling or take him to a therapist. Im at the end of my rope i love this kid how his mom treats him boarders on criminal and he is a better kid now than when i met him but how much is too much to take guys? I have two little girls less than 30 lbs. If he hurts them it will be very very bad. HELP! He is as big as i am already he is just going to get bigger and stronger. He has to learn how to be a functional adult at somepount witch means he has to learn somehow that this behavior is unacceptable.