Hello Ana, I also have a 8 year old SD who taddles and does the non-stop -talking and baby voicinng dadddddyyy thing.She was big time mini wife when we met and couldn't do anything wrong- SO was always defending her.
However there was a point where I was so over her being SO's second wife ,destroying our night sleep and pushing herself in the middle and he still was finding it ok.I told him he needs to decide if he wants to treat his daughter on the same adult level as his gf or treat me as his gf since I wouldn't accept that imbalance anymore.She was so spoiled!!! SO became much better , but up to today I cringe a lot when she is around and wants all the attention.She also dobs in my 9 year old in order to get in trouble, which SO doesn't see.This morning I saw her pushing my son with all strenght and I quickly told him not to push her back since all she would do is cry like a baby , even though she started.I virtiually tell him now to stay away from her, since it never ends well for him.

Agree 100% with everything BLM says.

I know how you feel, I am not yet married to my boyfriend we just live together but he has a 12 year old!! from a previous relationship its a nightmare at times, whats most annoying is she doesn't look at all like my boyfriend, so every time i see her i think she must look like her mother!! and I think my boyfriend thinks the sunshine is out her ass! we have a baby daughter together at 6 months and I feel like i'm on my own with him I feel like he has only time for his oldest daughter and no time for our daughter, she gets nothing from him and i get nothing from him too. His ex gets money for his oldest daughter and hes always buying her stuff and treating her, \i constantly ask for money to help me with our daughter but all i seem to get is im skint because hes spent it on her and him. I don't know what future we have anymore. I feel like giving up but I do try to talk to him, everything is an argument. anyways wait and see what happens all the best to you, so glad i'm not in this situation alone xx

Yeah, you certainly didn't sign up for the extra 2 days a month! Do you have your son every day? If not, on the days the skid is there and your BS is not, don't lift a finger. Don't cook ameal-if he wants precious to eat, he can cook it and clean up the mess. I hope you aren't doing the skids laundry and cleaning her room? Don't. He wants his skid there, then he can take care of things like that. I hope you aren't the one out buying school clothes and school supplies for your SD. That's Dh's problem. And surely you aren't driving her places, because that's also dh's department.
If you have your son full time, then it will be harder. Would it be possible on those "special Mondays" for you and your son to go out to dinner together for some 'Mom and Son alone-time? That would still leave dh with the burden of having to cook and clean up and do all the other stuff. I found that the library is a good place to go instead of home after school where it's quiet and me and BD don't have to hear the mouth. SO what is your visitation arrangement with your son?

I have to share my story......I have a step daugher that is now 18 and I have helped raised her since she was 5. I never connected with her because she was such a little brat and she would tell people that I was mean to her if I even put her in timeout. Her mother tried to cause problems for years. We had one month on and one month off, with every other weekend for the first five years of our marriage. To would tell you all the things that happened in the five years but it would take me hours to write it. I left several times because I couldn't take it, but always came back because we had a son together. This little girl had issues getting along with people, and my husband refused to see that there was a problem. As she got older, it became more difficult. By the time she was 10 years old, she decided she wanted to live with us full time. I had always wish she would have wanted to live with her mother full time. But I took on the sole responsibility as her mother because her mother didn't want anything to do with her because she was so difficult to handle. I prayed everyday for God to just get me through the day. Around the age of 16 it got much worse. She had put her fists in my face. I told my husband that there was something seriosuly wrong with her, but he never could admit there was a problem. I finally got her to go to a dr. and they found that she was Bypolar. It go worse because now she blamed me for the reason the dr said she was bypolar. I was never even in the room when she went through the testing and met with the drs. She was drinking, refusing to listen, crashed my car, and then started skipping school. She was very mean to our son for years, and it was really was taking a tole on us. I really don't know how I made it until she was 18. But she decided that she no longer had to listen to us, so she moved in her boyfriends parents house before she graduated. She really starting skipping school then. She has been telling people things about us that are not true, so they will take her in. We tried talking to these people but they won't even talk to us. Well after she moved out, I can't even explain the peace in our home. It's only been 10 months and now all of a sudden she wants a relationship with our son. My son is now 10 and is actually afraid of her and doesn't want to see her, but my husband is insisting that our son have a relationship with her and said he will be there the whole time. Well I don't agree and I don't know what to do. I have told my husband that he needs to respect our son and allow him to make this decision for himself. My step daughter never wanted anything to do with him for years and now I believe she is just doing this to upset me, because since she moved out I won't talk to see her or even see her. She is now having a relationship with her real mother after 8 years. I feel like I barely survived the 13 years I had to raise her and now I just want peace. This is something else I my husband doesn't agree with. I believe I did my job and raised someone elses child and now it's time for me and our son to have peace. Please tell me what you think.

Have fun confronting the behavior by your SD that bothers you rather than letting her behavior and your DH's childishness upset you.

Get a nice pair of Beats headphones and crank up your IPod as soon as SD arrives for visitation. Either that or start mocking her by talking like her every time you open your mouth when she is around.

Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey.

Defend your son just as your DH defends his daughter but do it by calling SD and DH out on her behavior. "My son did not do that. Your daughter is lying." Do it in front of both kids with your DH present. This shows your son that you believe and support him, it bares SD's ass regarding her behavior and it bares your DHs ass for his bullshit support of his toxic spawn’s manipulative behavior.

Write off your DH so that if he continues treating SD like his mini wife instead of making the relationship with his actual wife the super ordinate priority. This way you are protected emotionally if he does not get his proverbial shit together.

If your DH is not putting your marriage first and is not supporting you as an equity partner and equity parent to the children in your home regardless of biology then sacrificing yourself and your son as martyrs to his bullshit treatment of you indicates that you are accepting of his bullshit.

So, take care of your son and yourself and bare DH and SD’s asses and if DH does not very quickly and permanently mend his ways then get on with your life with them far behind you.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Given that your DH has stated that SD takes priority over you...If you think it's bad now, wait til she's a teenager.

I wouldn't tolerate this. That's just my opinion, but I wouldn't. I'd save my son and myself and get the hell out now before it gets any worse. I don't think your DH's priorities are going to change. You'll always play second fiddle to SD and get treated like a second-class citizen, and your son will continue to suffer, too.

All of your comments have been so helpful!! I can't tell you how much I felt like I have been alone in this situation. None of my family and friends have ever had to raise a step child and can't understand how hard it is. My husband has said if I leave him over this, that when he has visitation with our son, he will still be able to have him see his daugther. So he's saying that he will have more control over making them have a relationship. I have decided to seeks counseling and my husband has agreed to go. I really hope this counselor explains what he is doing is wrong. It seems like anytime we have had any disagreement it was over his daughter. I forgot to mention that when my husband had lunch with his daughter recently, she wanted to know how me and my husband where getting along since she moved out. My husband said "good", and since then it seems like this as all started up again. My husband would never believe that his daughter is doing all of this now to get us to argue. Some men are so blind!!!

Sounds like blended families are one in the same. I have gone through and still continue to go through problems with DH and SD. I completely agree with the two sentences from ncgal1980.

My DH will not admit or see flaws in his own child. But boy my son does one thing he doesn't like and he flips the hell out. The list goes on and on. He is a tit for tat man. Everything has to be even. My son just signed up for baseball; his 2nd year. Now his daughter has to sign up for lacrosse. She is too small and not coordinated for a sport like that. But it has to be even. And then add on top dear SD piano, Girl Scouts, dance, some weeks she has something 6 times a week. But how dare I say something like she may be in too much and that is why her grades are slipping. So he signs her up behind my back and tells me once I get to work.

I also hate with all my heart my stepdaughter. She is 16. The relationship between my husband and her is wrong. He thinks she is stiu traumatized becausea divorce that happens 12 years ago. My husband never has money for anything except for her "baby". She can ask for anything and he will get it for her. She is loud,lazy, dirty and stupid. She is her mini wife. I can not take this anymore. She hates my dogs and cats. She is a curse in my life

I also hate with all my heart my stepdaughter. She is 16. The relationship between my husband and her is wrong. He thinks she is stiu traumatized becausea divorce that happens 12 years ago. My husband never has money for anything except for her "baby". She can ask for anything and he will get it for her. She is loud,lazy, dirty and stupid. She is her mini wife. I can not take this anymore. She hates my dogs and cats. She is a curse in my life

Trust me, I feel for all of you! My DH is so infatuated with MW9 that we spend 75% of our time battling over her and her God aweful behavior or as he likes to refer to her...mischievous (don't let that shit fool you LITTLE DEVIL). It's so bad now that I had to put my foot down and for my own sanity refuse to have MW in our home. Been together about 7 yrs (this cycle) married 3. INSANE. Not going to have an oops baby screw up all my damn dreams!

Trust me, I feel for all of you! My DH is so infatuated with MW9 that we spend 75% of our time battling over her and her God aweful behavior or as he likes to refer to her...mischievous (don't let that shit fool you LITTLE DEVIL). It's so bad now that I had to put my foot down and for my own sanity refuse to have MW in our home. Been together about 7 yrs (this cycle) married 3. INSANE. Not going to have an oops baby screw up all my damn dreams!

Dear Lord..get out! Run for them hills. Seriously, don't waste your life in a bad situation. Sure you love him, but after a couple months pass..watch how quickly that starts to diminish..little by little. You'll sit back one day thinking "thank God I got the heck out of there".

I hate my step kids and I have THREE of them! I have them full time and they are destroying my life! I would leave but my husband and I have a baby together. Now I feel guilty like I trapped myself and my kids into this horrible situation

This is very much how I feel about my SD!!

My husband decided to get divorce basically because his children never will approve our marriage . Specially the youngest one. He was divorced for 9 years before I met him. The situation is getting worse, he gives his daughter lots of money every week. I wonder if there is something dark in all this. Soon, I will be gone and far as fay from this parasite. He denies me any money but he gives her anything. She is lazy, loud, dirty, not compassionate, loves to manipulate. She is his miniwife. She will traeats his dad like a dormat..
He never say no, and follows her like a little dog.

Ugh! This is my life too! I have a 6 year old son and a SD that just turned 9. I bought her more presents than her mother and my husband her dad, and yet NOT A SINGLE THANK YOU! she complained that this isnt the right color and that isnt what she wanted and the stuff she likes she said she isnt sharing with my son. She is SO mean to my son. And mean to me and my husband and we fight every single time I tell him she did something wrong. This is after I paid 20K in legal fees to get him 50% custody and have his ex pay him child support now. I cant take it, I feel used and abused and Ive only been married for 1.5 years. Im coming to realize that I will always be second to this little girl, who is rude, still pees her pant everynight, for which I have to clean it up and foot the bill for pull overs, and all i get is grief from her mom and dad. I dont know what I have gotten myself into and what I should do. Should I give up my marriage? Its really too much baggage and my son is showing emotional disturbances from all this and my hubby refuses to acknowledge that even though a clinical psychologist has said he is reacting to the negativity in the home from the parents and kids fighting, which more often than not is a result of my hubby or his brat daughter who has the master bedroom in our home with her own bathroom and still cant get her lazy butt up to pee. I cant take it i am loosing my mind. Please any advise is appreciated.

I am so happy that I have found this place, a place that is safe, a place I can say that I honestly can't stand my twin SDs age 7 or my boyfriend's obsession with them. When I first met them I felt bad for them and for my boyfriend and honestly wanted to help. They were always just running and screaming, couldn't sit at the table, had horrible manners, never spoke - just made noises like constant humming, unable to sit still or be quiet, spit gum on my floor and in my car, didn't eat anything except crackers, constantly eating boogers, getting rashes because they didn't wipe when using the bathroom or wash sufficiently in the bath. He always had them at my house in my bed to the point where there was sometimes no room left for me. They never washed their hands and when prompted would often just turn water on and off quickly. They were sick all the time and got my two kids sick repeatedly. They never listened to me, flooded my bathroom, were always jumping around and screaming. I tried really hard to help with their table manners and interpersonal skills, my boyfriend always thought I was just being mean to them. Now, two years later and they are still eating boogers, I find them wiped all over the walls all over the house all of the time - it is so gross. They still rarely speak, unable to engage in a coherent conversation. They still don't wipe - leaving large amounts of fecal matter in their underwear and then itching with their bare fingers inside their pants! They've even had lice a couple of times. My boyfriend refuses to get them help, says they're just fine and not so bad, tells me it's my fault they don't listen to me and that I need to find some way by myself to make them respect me but even he doesn't so they never will! They still call him Daddy and talk like toddlers even though they're girls and it is like nails on a chalkboard to hear their whiny voices! I try to avoid interacting with them, I dread when they're home (which is always because he has full custody due to loser BM) and I spend a lot of time seeking peace in the bedroom. My kids can't stand his and all the time say they want to leave, they're sick of living in a house covered in boogers. I'm sick of going around cleaning them all the time and trying to remember everything they've touched and keep it bleached. I don't want them around our infant son at all, ever! They've gotten him sick three times already! He just turned one! Every time they get sick they infect others in our house and they've gotten my sick more times than my own children have. I've tried to help him and his kids but I'm just wore out and don't feel like I have any more patience to give any of them.

I am so glad to hear I'm not the only one out there feeling this way! Apparently this thread has gone on for a couple years but it seems to still continue no matter. I'm curious to know what the end results were and how other step moms were able to handle the issues of terrible step children and non listening husbands. I feel as though if this was to go on for as long as it did for some of the others, that I might end up in a mental institute... or bald from ripping my hair out. So please, in need of some advice. How did this all end. I would feel like a terrible person to have my husband choose his child over our marriage, but I'm mentally out of energy. I can't stand her or her child anymore!! right! Because on top of everything, the hooker went and got pregnant at 15 while she lived with her mom. Dropped out of high school and long story short, here I am watching her child while she fails through high school, doesn't have a job, and bothers me with her presence. Wow all of that sounds harsh but this is my actual reality. How do I deal with this chaos and not hold the grudge against my husband even though he is a puss and let's her walk all over him. We have a blended family of his 2, my 2 and 1 together . His oldest attached to me quickly. Conformed and graduated high school last year. Then we get to this wrench. Influencing my youngest 3 in all the ways I teach them not to be. Help!!!

Wow ladies, when I read the comments on this forum I felt like I found a second home and can't believe how many other people are going through the same thing I am. I just had to create an account so I can post & touch base with you ladies. I have two stepdaughters one is 18 one is 20, I have been with their dad since they were six and eight, for 12 years, but due to trauma and issues that he and I both had from prior marriages it took us until the September this year to get married. I love him with all my heart and consider he and I our own little family unit even though we have no biological children together and being in our early 40s it is getting too late for us to have biological children together. I loved his daughters when I met them and tried to give them love and raise them as my own and always let them know I was not trying to replace their mother. Sadly, though, they are the true example of extremely spoiled children, their mother and her mother the grandmother made it a game always trying to spoil them more than my now husband and he played into it by spoiling them also. The children were just ridiculously spoiled and allowed to do whatever they wanted with no rules. They were even told by their mom that they didn't have to go to someone's house who was mean to them, mean meaning in this case that the relative/person had rules. I never played into it I always enforced rules of what kind of behavior I was willing to tolerate but was always gentle and kind about it. Even when would cause fights with my now husband who thought I was being too harsh on them and would not enforce the rules.Perhaps that is why the oldest one resents me to this day. Her name is Natasha so I can referto her by such.Also she now has a one-year-old baby is married and still thinks her father should pay for everything car spending money Smart phone,etc. He has begun to inform her that this is no longer necessary for him to do and that she and her husband need to work it out instead of blowing all of their money has her husband is a big pothead and partier, and she throws huge childish tantrums to him and directs them at me. I am proud to say that in the recent 1 to 2 years his thinking is come around he has begun to tell her now and the stick up for me, which of course she hates.She blames me that he is not spoiling her as bad anymore, She literally would not care if he did not have a dime in his pocket - she thinks should get all of his money to her. She tried to ruin our wedding day by being a complete bitch several times throughout ceremony,and try to sabotage my wedding in General this past September. Unfortunately for her it was the happiest day of my life. My husband and I both felt extremely happy and couldn't t stop smiling that day despite her childish behavior. She did not ruin our wedding like she tried to. Since then, we have compared notes and He said too was the happiest day of his life . (our love now much better than it has ever been. He is starting to truly put me first as he realizes how his Ways of dealing with her before were wrong). Luckily it annoyed her that he was not paying any attention to her and that we were both so happy despite her tantrums so her and her husband left the wedding early. No big loss! Her husband that she recently married is an asshole and acts just like her. I hate being around them. She's disrespectful to her father, she treads bit more lightly around me and doesn't seem to want to tangle with me directly, as she probably knows I will not put up with the bullshit, but tries to sneak attacks by making snide comments in front of everyone or going to her father to badmouth me. I have confronted her on these issues but overall she never changes. I literally hate her. One of my goals by being on the Forum although complaining and venting feels nice, is to find ways to disengage myself emotionally when I have to be around her and see her often. I'd like to not let it get to me and upset my internal peace so much .

Ana, I totally feel your pain. My SD was 10 when her dad and I got married. At times we would be in our bedroom having some time together and she would wait out side the door just standing there, waiting until we came out. It was kind of scary/ creepy. Then she would run in and lay on the bed with her dad. Her dad will never admit her faults and it will always be my fault. At this point she is now 15 and still causing me grief. I also have the same feelings you have. I can not stand to hear her even laugh. Things have not changed, actually they have gotten worse. I have tried to make him see things but It just causes fights between us. The way I see it, I may only have to deal with this a few more years then she is gone. Patience is what is needed in this situation. I have thought many times to ask them to leave my home. Sometimes I think I would be better off with out them even though I dearly love my husband. We never ever fight unless it has to do with her and only If I bring something up. When he says things about my son I have to keep my mouth quiet. So every day I ask my self, what is worse, being with out my husband or dealing with her? So far I have decided as long as I can have some alone time for myself, then I can be ok. She lives with us and weekends are bad. Yesterday I needed to be away, so I went to my sister's for a couple hours. That really helped.

I'm in the same boat ... just thinking about the annoying laugh or face of my gf's 9yo son .. puts me in bad mood
My kids are very well behaved .. I did my work when they were little and corrected bad behaviors ... my gf did nothing to correct anything .. so now we see the consequences ... she has 3 boys .. all behave like monkeys ...

That affects my relationship and how I feel about my gf ... I thought she was my true love, soulmate, etc ... but then the kids came along and are making me think if I made the right choice moving in together

After lots of persistent requests from her on why I'm different .. I had to tell her the truth .. wasn't easy ... we are going to keep trying to live with this .. but if it doesn't work, I can't live like this the rest of my life ... peace of mind is priceless ...

"...my gf did nothing to correct anything .. so now we see the consequences ... she has 3 boys .. all behave like winged monkeys ... "

She might be your soulmate - though she needs to still put in HER FULL 100% to make it work. I hate the times I put in "my full hundred" and some of hers when she's down, and her kids don't give a hoot... and she grouses about me missing something. Bustin' it alone for a week, tending to a LOT of stuff, and she comes home and points out a spot where one of the dogs peed in the house. Lady, do you know what kind of week I had?? Man, that stung.

This is so how I feel...I’m so appreciative of the comments on this post.

My boyfriend is so great, waited all my life to find him. His 14 1/2 year old daughter not so much. She's fat, lazy, stupid, incompetent and self centered. Waiting 3 1/2 years for her to turn 18 so we can be/live together. Keeping 2 separate houses until then 

My God, some of your stories are so similar to mine; I'm so glad I'm not alone and I finally have an outlet. I can't talk to my husband about it because his 7 year old (mentally 3 it seems) spawn is his perfect little princess who can do no wrong in his eyes. I've raised her since she was 4. At first, she was lovely. Fast forward a few months and she turned, and over the last 3 years she's got steadily worse, she's unbearable to be around. All the baby mama drama and that brat's spiteful lies are bringing me down, and now I have my own little boy to think about, my protective instinct has kicked in so I hate her worse than ever. All she does is trash my house, wipe snot on the walls and spread germs everywhere because she'll never wash her hands. Even when you tell her to, she'll run the water for a few seconds to pretend she's done it. She's made my son ill with tummy bugs 3 times and he's only just turned 3 months. She will disrespect me and my husband, not that he will pull her up on it. She's mean to my dogs, even though one of them is dying of cancer. She's told nasty lies about me to her mother, saying I hit her and the police got involved. She glares at my son with such a venomous look, but only when she knows my husband won't notice; the rest of the time she'll put on the perfect loving sister act to get attention. I've even caught her flipping my son off while my husband's back was turned. Of course he didn't believe me. He lets her get away with murder and there's nothing I can do about it. If I ever dare question her behaviour, I'm apparently too hard on her. Bullshit. I just won't let her act like a feral animal in my house! She's materialistic, conceited, selfish, bratty, rude, deceitful, stupid and spiteful. She's disgusting, smelly and lazy. She'll throw dirty laundry everywhere with skids in the underwear because she still can't wipe her own arse properly. She still can't wash herself and eats with her hands like a toddler. She throws tantrums like one too. It's pathetic. My neice is half her age and a way better child. She is falling behind at school because even though she's the most stupid child I've ever known, she still thinks she knows better than everyone else. She's turning into such a bitch too. She'll only speak to me to bitch about people behind their backs. When she's not trashing the place, running round screaming or posing in the mirror like a bloody budgie, she's sat on her phone ignoring us all. She whinges like a baby and does the whole mini wife routine, which sickens me. She hates to not constantly be centre of attention. I love my husband but I don't know how much longer I can take all this. I don't want my son growing up feeling victimised by a sister that clearly hates him because she's jealous, and be held to a different standard of rules. I certainly don't let him turn into a brat like the skid. I just hope that she decides to live with her mum full time when she's older and we can move away so I don't have to see her or deal with her and her mother's bullshit any more.

I have been dealing with this kis for 5 years she does anything to cause me and my so to fight she jumps in our conversation thinks the world revolves around her shes got suspended 2 times in a week shes 7 and my so does nothing and when i say something she fights me its hard to leave because i love my so and we have a 3yr old together but this sd has manipulated my so bc her dad wasnt around for her first 2 yrs but he did wind up spending 20 grand on lawyers to get visits well i guess he didn't allow all her bratty ways so she called the police and had him arrested for child abuse although the state dropped all charges bc there was no abuse i never thought i would say i hate a child but i do she does things to annoy me she hits my 3 yr old she tells my so what to do and my so actually listens to her she has not had a passing grade at school ever not even kindergarten and in Florida the schools will not hold them back until 3rd grade all my so friends with kids let her apend the night there 1 time and will never let her again and she still dont get the picture she will still ask every single time she sees them she thinks shes cute shes not not one bit she is annoying and my so would rather fight me than discipline her and its not just me the school bus driver threw her off the bus when i go to the store people tell me your daughter was really giving ur wife a hard time and i tell them thatbis not my daughter the 3 yr old is my 3 yr old doesnt crave half the attention she does its horrible i cant stand to look talk hear or her touching me the min i hear or see ner im in a bad mood im fed up 

Let me preface this by saying that I see glimpses of an awesome person whom I'd love to love. She's gorgeous and smart. However, I have been dealing with constant nastiness for almost 11 years. I should've known when I first saw her act out at age 7, when she kicked and pushed herself around the floor like a 2 yo. If not then, when her dad tried to put her in her room and she wriggled out of his arms like a puppy and continued with the kicking and pushing as previously stated. It's always been what she wants when she wants. She's been enabled since day one. She does have some early childhood trauma that explains a lot, but NOBODY ever got her counseling or went with her until I pushed and pushed, and even then, never followed through except to cater to her every need. If she got in trouble at school, it was the teachers fault. If she didn't get along with someone, it was the other person's fault. She's now 18 and I'm so close to getting her out but she is the cause of my marriage being in jeopardy. I'm in counseling for my own sake...but it's getting to the point where I cannot handle another day. She's arrogant, aggressive, belligerent and callous. I can't take it anymore. Thinking of leaving for a while....which pisses me off because I shouldn't have to.

Hello Ana,

I am sorry that you are in such horrific situation with your monster step-daughter. 

I was in the same situation. My husband disregarded my feelings, and placed his daughter first in every situation. I decided that I was not going to let this situation continue. I gave my husband an ultimatum. He promised things would change and it did not. 

I left him. Although, I loved him dearly; he did not respect my feelings and I am not going to deprive myself of true happiness. Leaving him was the best decision I had made.

I am in a wonderful relationship, and I could not be happier. I do not have to interact with any more monster step-children.

Ana my advice to you is to RUN. You deserve better. Your husband needs to put you first - not his child from another marriage. How dare he!

Tell him no.  He will not take the only two days you have with him.  If he fails to comply, you have your answer on the viability of this marriage. 

Kids should never trump the adult relationship nor the partners in that relationship.  Ever.  Regardless of kid biology.

Kids are the top responsibility but never the top priority.  If your DH can't grasp this concept..  you have the wrong DH.

Any time this topic surfaces someone points out that parents in intact initial families don't get to not take their kids.  Which is generally true.  However, blended families are not the same thing as intact initial families.  They have the benefit of  time when the Skids are with the blended family opposition parent.  That time should be preserved for the couple in the blended marriage and in the event that they have "ours" children that time should be for the parents to spend with their joint children without the Skids present.

It took us a while to find a comfort level on enjoying our Skid free time.  My bride struggled with guilt over doing things while SS was away on SpermLand visitation.   I did not like him being gone either but I also am not one to brood about things I can do nothing about and would rather enjoy the opportunity to have dedicated time with my bride.

I’m new here and so very thankful that I found somewhere to discuss and vent these issues I have in my home.

I’m currently engaged to a gorgeous and wonderful woman who is currently pregnant with Twins!!! I’m excited but let me cut to the chase and explain why I needed this forum aka place of refuge.

My fiancé daughter is such a toxic person it’s unreal. When the two of us first decided to live together her daughter did everything she could to make life uncomfortable for the 2 of us. She would lie and purposely report issues that never occurred to her father. She then got on Twitter and alleged that she’d seen me having sexual relations with a man. This lie got back to the members of my Grandparents church and of course upset them. When confronted she admitted to the deceitful tweet and and stated it was her intent to break us up. It was at this point that I snapped, cursed her out and put her out of our house. 8 months later after living with her father and his mother and being abused she begged to come back to our home. I was out of town and my fiancé allowed her to return home without my consent. We disagreed but decided to make it work. Lately she’s gotten back to her old tricks and just last night I once again lost it. She refused to do chores, she gets in yelling matches with her mother, she lies and believes that she’s not required to respect me in my home. She was told last night that his was the last straw and that the next time she had to leave permanently! 

I love my fiancé but I hate her daughter. She’s only 13 so I still have some time to go before I can completely wash my hands of her but daily, I’m checking off the days on my calendar until her 18th birthday...

I was googling for "why do I hate her so much?" question. I want to know what in her is triggering something in my and gives hate back. In a way I feel confused. I hate her, can't stand her and I'm so happy when she is not around. 
She is now 20 years old I think (I'm so out of her surroundings) and I'm trying so hard to not have her in my surroundings either. 
At the age 18 she came from Mexico in vacation here in the USA, her dad put her in school because she didn't knew english so he wanted something better for her. That little pice of ....( what comes out of kaka is a pice of the same)(her mama is an alcoholic and a slut -5 kids, 5 parteners and many more). She started lying and stealing money from the house, talking shit about her dad, grandmother and me. She was a victim in every step and didn't like USA. So she went back. After months she called to ask money that she needs an kidney surgery, after another month that she needs money to go to a psychologist, after that that she needs to go to school and after that that she wants to go on vacation. Finally after one more month we find out she is in the USA and didn't tell nothing and was living in my partener brother's house. Woooowww, the f..!!!! She was sleeping outside the house , coming in the morning and not working, crying that she doesn't have money to live and shit like that. Than the aunt gave her work, she didn't like it and she began lying again. So she decides to go back to Mexico again. After months she is coming back without us knowing to libe with a friend. We found out because she asked for money from her grandmother. So again the same shit. And she began living with that friend and her newborn baby. After 2 months they were smoking and stealing togheter and sleeping all day playing victim time. Tabummm! The baby dies in the crib do to her mama out to work and this daughter of my partener sleeping in the other room. Waking up at noon she found the baby dead!!! She left to Mexico the next day, so she said, but she didn't board and stayed in the USA and went to live somewhere. After one two months we find out that she wants to sue her dad for money and after that she becomes a muslim. In all this time her dad defend her and not see the damaged doll he has. So right now she is living her with her muslim boyfriend and works at her dad's restaurant. 
The problem besides all this is that her dad wants me to make a conversation with her!!! Wtfffffffffff!!! 
I need an advice on how to handle this situation! I don't accept this type of people around me, don't care who they are or if they invoque God! I like my life calm and not drama directed. 
When he is not mentiones his daughter all is nice and laughs, when he does I ignor. But this strategy is not going to last long, and being mature and take action with the conversations will bring me so much boundaries violations! What do I say? What do I do to get away from her and all the drama without putting my partener in a bad situation? 

I absolutely and completely know exactly how you feel. I have 2 stepdaughters. And I am at the point where I would rather get a divorce, run for the F....... hills and take my 2 babies with me than spend any more time with them. My oldest is 12 and she is tolerable, my second is 8. I HATE her with every fibre of my being! I am so sick of living in a house where NOTHING is safe, they both steal, they lie, they are manipulative and have a real sorry suzy attitude. The 8 year old has indangered her almost 3 year old sisters life on numerous occasions. She tried pushing her in the swimming pool and she has stood by watching her sister shoving pills in her mouth that she gave her sister from the medication cabinet. Only mentioning a few. I do not trust her with my babies. She brings the absolute worst out of me. I just hear her name or her voice or see her face then I am irritated. Not a day goes by that I don't get angry at least once. I am so sick of feeling guilty for feeling this way. I am tired of being told that I am a bad parent when I am not the person who broke these kids. They have been living with us full time for almost 3 years now and I have really tried my vest to make their lives better. But I can't do it anymore, my marriage is falling apart, my snity is fading and I am turning into this bitter person. I used to be a passionate teacher and even that is being affected by my negative feelings toward my stepdaughters. I am so lost and really just feel overwhelmed by my feelings of HATE. A parent should not feel like that about their kids but I honestly don't know how to fix it anymore. I am exhausted and emotionally drained. 

I absolutely and completely know exactly how you feel. I have 2 stepdaughters. And I am at the point where I would rather get a divorce, run for the F....... hills and take my 2 babies with me than spend any more time with them. My oldest is 12 and she is tolerable, my second is 8. I HATE her with every fibre of my being! I am so sick of living in a house where NOTHING is safe, they both steal, they lie, they are manipulative and have a real sorry suzy attitude. The 8 year old has indangered her almost 3 year old sisters life on numerous occasions. She tried pushing her in the swimming pool and she has stood by watching her sister shoving pills in her mouth that she gave her sister from the medication cabinet. Only mentioning a few. I do not trust her with my babies. She brings the absolute worst out of me. I just hear her name or her voice or see her face then I am irritated. Not a day goes by that I don't get angry at least once. I am so sick of feeling guilty for feeling this way. I am tired of being told that I am a bad parent when I am not the person who broke these kids. They have been living with us full time for almost 3 years now and I have really tried my vest to make their lives better. But I can't do it anymore, my marriage is falling apart, my snity is fading and I am turning into this bitter person. I used to be a passionate teacher and even that is being affected by my negative feelings toward my stepdaughters. I am so lost and really just feel overwhelmed by my feelings of HATE. A parent should not feel like that about their kids but I honestly don't know how to fix it anymore. I am exhausted and emotionally drained. 

8 years old is the beginning of the really annoying phase for stepdaughters. At that age they know what the consequences of their actions and he understand how to make other people feel bad. They also become much better at manipulating all of their parents. my suggestion is that you and your husband need to become a unified team. You are both parents and both adults. That means your decisions get made together and enforce together. There is any space between you your SSD will exploit it and put you against each other. You can always approach this from the perspective of you want your husband to be a good dad to your son so you guys have to be a team. That kids get treated like kids not one kid is treated like a kid and the other one is treated like a special guest.

As a couple, you two need to be firm and on the same page in regards to the kids boundaries, discipline, finance etc. if something fails, you'll see it reflect on the kids. It took my a while to learn this and I was very afraid to speak to my husband about my opinion towards his kids and the sitution until one day I had enough and I straight up started talking. What I disliked, what hurt me, bothered me and my biological son etc. Since then, my husband is way more supportive and fair. The kids even help us around the house and we no problem with them. He no longer tolerates rants and crying over nothing (my SD would do this ALOT! until I also started calling her out and telling her not to do that in my household. She was used to getting her way but now she has changed alot and she's 8 too. In a year we've seen alot of progress. I wish you the best, speak up! its your household too so you deserve to say whats right and wrong.

I really need advice. I can't stand my step daughter. At all. Mine is a little different from the other stories. Mine is 8... and she's a goody two shoes. I'm glad that she is because things would be way worse if she wasn't. She lives here... full time. No mother. Now since covid, I have been laid off and made responsible to care for her 24/7. I'm starting to hate my life and contemplating divorce. Even though she is well behaved for the most part... I hate the sound of her voice. She talks reallllll slow and takes forever to get a sentence out. She won't eat ANYTHING I cook. She will ONLY eat chicken nuggets from McDonald's, pizza, spaghetti, ramen noodles, or ravioli. I eat healthy and cook well balanced meals. Fight with my DH daily over this. Takes her hours to eat what I make with her gagging and pretending to throw up and 3 drinks later. EVERY MEAL. She will eat 3 whole slices of cheese pizza in 2 seconds. Of course she is obese for her age group. LAZY doesn't begin to describe this kid. Won't ride a bike without needing a break after 2 mins. I can't even grocery shop without her crying she's tired and her feet hurt. Always daddy this and daddy that... and he babies and caters. He argues that I don't cook anything she likes blah blah. I'm like ok... well she's already fat and when she has diabetes at 12... it will be your fault. She won't wear socks because they are uncomfortable so her feet always stink. Won't wear any type of jeans and funny about her clothes. Daily argument over that. Every time she goes to the bathroom, she pees on the seat. Tattle tells on everyone with everything. It has gotten to the point where I have changed our schedule so we stay up all night with her in her room on her tablet and we sleep all day until my husband comes home so I don't have to deal with her. I do feel guilty like Im a hoot oboe person so I have tried... I've tried really hard and even sought counseling... they recommended activities to bond with her. Tried them... it makes it worse. It pisses me off. She's also scared of everything. Won't ride in a boat, won't ride a hoverboard, won't go fishing, won't do anything without crying that she's hot or scared. I do have my own children. One is 18 in the marine corps, my 15 yo whom causes no problems, and my 6 year old... whom eats anything I cook and is...well... normal. Wears whatever, excersizes, fishes, adventurous, etc. The kids get along until my skid tells on her for something or my daughter always wants to do stuff and skid doesn't because she is too lazy. My DH likes my child from what I can tell except when she has unintentionally called his daughter fat in a non mean way. She's 6. I do tell her that's not nice and not to say that, but she doesn't understand. She'll even say... what?! She is.. her belly is hanging out of her shirt. My husband is very fit and cares about his body, me not so much, but I do care about nutrients and vitamins and well balanced meals. I don't understand why he doesn't get on board with this. He just says she doesn't like it... I'm like of course she doesn't.. because she knows that if she cries and gags enough that you will give her what she wants. He says she will grow out of it... I don't agree. One thing I'm NOT gonna do... is make my 6 year old eat what I cook and skid gets pizza. I don't think so. Rant over. Please help. 

I am the girlfriend. And it's been so hard. He's like obsessed with her. And her mom is crazy evil. First time I met her she punched a door to hit me. And then victimized herself. And you know what they say. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'm so afraid I will never stop hating her. And it's weird because when she's around she's super sweet and I liked her. But I just don't want her or her mom in my life. Specially because my boyfriend puts her first. And he has allowed the ex's disrespect against me for sake of the girl. Because she blackmails him that he will never see him Again. Now they are going to court. And she implies that the reason he will no longer see the girl is because I am not a decent woman. Oh god I'm so tired. I feel so full of jealousy, pain, anger, disappointment, even hate. I don't want to feel like that. This is so sad.