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Help! Hate SD!

KHM's picture

Argh I can't believe I am even writing this but this is how desperate I am to try and get some advice and help!


I have live with my BF & Son, I've been with my BF for nearly 2 & half years, our son is 19 months old, 

my BF has 12 year old from previous relationship, and I just can't handle her anymore, it's been painful she's so rude won't even say hello to people, doesn't say thank you please or anything, she's vile to her dad she talks to him like his stupid and his benether her, she used to talk to me like it but after a few time of telling her off after talking to her dad like it she stopped and was lovely to me, she even stepped on his shoes on purpose then laughed behind his back when he saw his trainers, she's an attention seeker, every time she talks she's ether trying to get attention, being rude and disrespectful or being sarcasticly horriable like saying to my BF it would be funny if our son got sick on him, she seems manipulative she knows what she's doing that's why she's nice to me, she recently was scarcatic/nasty to my son as if he was stupid for sitting on his chair wrong, my BF has got better at Telling her off but she just don't change she's in trouble at school she's hit someone, she's got an attitude it's embarrassing to even take her out, last time I did she lied about having hay fever cus she didn't wanna be there anymore, I don't wanna take her out any more I'm sick of the crap I'm sick of having to tell my BF how to parent his child even her mom don't like telling her off they both seem half soaked! I also have to drive an hours there and back to get her on a weekend, my BF drives but not insured on the car as it's my dads n I don't wanna pay for the taxi! Even tho her visits have became less and less it's still is to much she only wants to know when there's something in it for her, I hate it when she's here I feel uncomfortable she points out if I don't wear a bra ffs... I tell my partner and we have talked about her loads but I just give up I don't talk to her I got to the bedroom or out but I'm so worried about it rubbing off on my son or him feeling like she's being horriable.. I feel she's done to much I can't forgive her, my partner even said she's not a nice person so why would other people think she is... I'm on the verge of leaving my BF because I can't handle being around her any more... I duno what I'm looking for here just advice or reassurance I'm not crazy! I'm moody have headaches when she's here and I just don't want to feel like this anymore !! Sorry for such a long one I just have a lot to get out I could go on and on! Xx

Rags's picture

You are not crazy.  Your SO needs to step up and parent.  

I would stop being his Skid Uber and put his visitations completely on him to make happen.  

The behavioral crap from this toxic spawn is actually pretty simple.  Any time she is in your presence you confront her crap in real time regardless of who she is targeting with her behavior.  If daddy has inadequate testicular fortitude to deal with her crap, you do it. Either way she is introduced to consquential misery for her chosen rude and crappy behaviors.  Part of this includes separating her from the rest of the family with long isolated time outs in a place that has zero stimulation or ability to participate with the rest of the family. Confront then isolate. Lather, rinse, repeat.

KHM's picture

Thank you so much! I totally agree with the Uber crap it's a joke I had a massive go at SO about it so I'm just starting to say no I just want to stick to it! 

I have tried to confront her behaviour and it worked and I didn't feel so bad but I'm at the point where it drained me more to constantly tell her off even if she's being nice I don't like her I feel bad about it, it's to far gone, if I tell her off I think ent going to be nice to her so I think it's wrong to tell her off then it will look like I'm bullying if you know what I mean? ... I can't decide if I should give it another go with telling her off and be nice or if I should just stay clear of her ?? 

thank you For you advice it really helps I need all I can get ! 

tog redux's picture

Stay clear of her - let your BF find his own way to pick her up and refuse to go anywhere in public with her if he won't parent her.  You can be pleasant to her, just don't get involved in parenting her.  Leave to do your own thing when she comes over (not in a mad way). She isn't your problem - she's his problem. 

KHM's picture

Thank you!! I will give it ago as much as I can, I couldn't agree more! I do try to do it in general but maybe not picking her up will make me feel better as it's the worst part of my week! Hopefully it will help the feeling of dislike and make me more relaxed as at the moment even her voice makes me annoyed! Im going to talk to my SO when he next askes me to pick her up and explain I don't want to and that It's not my duty it's his etc! Thank you so much I just needed some back up to make sure Im doing the right thing, it's easy to get in your own head and feel like you are mad! 

ESMOD's picture

Unfortunately, i would expect some push back from your SO.. it seems he isn't a very effective parent with her... maybe even one of the reasons he wanted to have another SO.. a woman to help him raise his daughter.  Getting pregnant so quickly ensured he could keep you there to an extent.

KHM's picture

Yeah I agree it's been hard with my son my SO is getting better but via force from me our relationship is at a very bad place and that alone is stressful let alone his daughter, It does cross my mind that I was just pushed into mom/step mom very fast I wish I could of took more time but I will keep and out more force and make sure I stick to my guns!! Thank you for advice it's highly appreciated/needed