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Help blending families

Mandymm's picture

I have an 11 year old and my boyfriend has two kids, 7 and 9. His two kids have a parent- child relationship, where the 9 year old is very mature and helpful, and the 7 year old is unable to do very basic things for himself, and expects everyone to do everything for him. Their mom does not work at all and does everything for them, including cutting up the seven year olds food and feeding him. They both leave all of their belongings thrown throughout the house, and their mom is constantly complaining about anything not returned, including the 7 year olds ds games, which he sticks in his pockets, in random small spaces, and other impossible to find areas.They both need almost constant attention, and do not seem to understand boundaries or personal space at all. I love them, but they require so much energy that the times they are over is exhausting. It's also hard on my son, because both of them want his attention and help constantly, making it so he feels like a babysitter. Then he acts out by telling them to go away, or ignoring them completely. I feel sorry for the 9 year old because the 7 year old is always whining, crying, wanting her to help him play his ds or accusing her of doing something wrong, and when they are with their mom, she always sides with him. The 9 year old never wants to go back to her moms house. I dont know how to get any space when they are over because they both wander into throughout the house, even in each other and our bedrooms, and the 9 year old wants to be right next to me all the time. I'm glad she likes me so much but she will even push my son or my boyfriend out of the way to be next to me, which creates a lot of hostility for my son (and sometimes me). The issues with the kids is starting to really concern me and question if this is the right relationship.

Orange County Ca's picture

I take it these two kids are weekend visiting. As long as they're living with their mother 12 of 14 days or whatever you are not going to be able to make any noticeable changes in their behavoir.

What they need of course is for mommy to quit babying them and the older one needs to quit babying the younger one. But its not going to happen so don't even try.

My advise is to tell your boyfriend that this was a mistake. Don't try to blend families. Wait until your kid is out of high school or living with his father which he should be doing when he starts high school. Then you can find someone who doesn't have children and build a relationship devoid of these distractions.

You owe this to your son.