Most likely, yes - if it falls under the category of things that would be covered by the CO, like braces or extracurriculars.

I am reading this as these are things that are only required for him to share if he AGREES to allow the children to do the activity or thing.  So, not a dentist ordered braces.. or optometrist prescribing contacts or glasses.  These might be a summer camp or participation on a travel ball team etc..  

So, under this assumption, she is being fairly generous with his wording taking the "I would love to have them do it.." as basically agreeing to the activity or purchase... just splitting hairs on the timing of when he might be paying his half.

If he wants to stop this cycle.. he needs to stop being so polite in his wording.  It's irrelevant whether she is paying the other half or whether her parents pony it up when it comes to his obligation really.

Can we get Cindy a new TUBA for her band participation this year? insteady of "him saying "I would love to but can't swing that right now".. he needs to clearly tell her "I am not able to agree to that purchase if you proceed, it will be at your own cost 100%"  

Again.. I am only suggesting this for things that are not clearly CO obligations like medical care.

He would need to reimburse if it was something court ordered. It wouldn't matter whether initially BM's parents paid for it, she got a loan to pay it, or whatever - it would ultimately be DH's obligation.  If it's something he needs to agree to before being obligated to reimburse, he needs to cut out the "I would love for them to do that" and just say no.  Since he knows BM does this, clarity is key - let there be no doubt.  For things that kids have already done that she's seeking reimbursement for, I would take the position that him saying he would love for them to do it but he couldn't afford it was NOT an agreement to pay for it, and I would not reimburse her.  But he needs to eliminate any confusion going forward.

Like the others said, it would need to be reimbursed if it is something in their agreement. HOWEVER- I would expect receipts and I would pay BM, not her parents as the custody agreement is with her not them. I am not sure how your CO is worded but if extra curriculars are to be split, something like a dance class, send her another option of one through parks and recs instead of a big time dance studio- offer to pay 1/2 of that rate which will be substantially less (when I compared them for my own DD when she was little parks and rec had ballet for like $25 for 8 weeks and the local dance studio wanted over $100 per month).

If extras are to be agreed on, he has to change his wording to BM- No more I would love if she could do that. His stance needs to be, this is excessive and he doesn't agree with the cost of the activity.

If it is not something that would be covered in the CO, I would just remind them that you already stated that is was something you couldn't afford. 

If we're talking about non-essentials not outlined in the CO, then your DH doesn't reimburse.

My MIL got into the habit of paying for things for the SSs and then expecting DH to pay her back. The last time I remember it happening, it was so the boys could participate in some sort of skating event sponsored by their school. DH had told BM he wasn't paying for that (it was only $30 or something) because he wasn't driving to the other side of town to pay for it when he it was that cheap and he paid CS. 

So in comes MIL who paid for it, plus bought the boys and BM dinner and snacks, and all of a sudden she is demanding $60+. DH plainly told her no, and anything else SHE paid for in the future was on her.

If DH says no, and it's not something he is COed to pay, stick with it. Otherwise, he'll end up paying for half the wealthy grandparents' Christmas presents to the kids.

Sounds like your DH is going to need his lawyer to subpoena all of BM's financials and get a forensic accountant involved if he wants to stop the hemorrhaging.

Nope, I would not pay it.  Gramma and Grampa More Bucks support their worthless daughter, she can reimburse them if she wants them reimpursed.

This is a kill I would die on.

When we initiated a CS review after 9 years of CS at $133/mo the SpermClan, primarily driven by SpermGrandHag, we knew would request that my income be considered in establishing their CS level.  That was a common tactic for them to try in order to minimize their CS obligation to the support of our son.

While SParent income cannot be considered in setting CS in SpermLand courts, idiot deadbeat POS underperforming NCP BioParents can weasel out of a portion of their CS obligation by requesting an income reduction credit due to a high earning custodial SParent..  In our original court hearing the Judge ruled "StepDad makes a very good income and BioDad should not be penalized by having to subsidized an artificially elevated standard of living for this child."  His moron Honor in the stupid Harry Potter robes slinging the drooling dipshit Fisher-Price wooden hammer then awarded the SpermIdiot  the maximum income reduction credit of  -$1000/mo income to lower his CS obligation to the Skid.  It pissed me off to no end that that shallow and polluted gene pool benefited in any way from my income.  A calming element of the outcome is that after court that day I dove into online CS calculator for SpermLand and discovered that even with the maximum income reduction credit applied his maximum CS obligation was only reduced by $50/mo.  But that $50 was mine and ... that they had it pissed me off.

When we went to court for the CS review after 9 years we were ready for their request for my income to be consideration calculating CS.  The SpermIdiot lives rent free in an investment property owned by the SpermGrandParents, he drives cars that they own, they paid for the Spermidiot's share of visitation travel plane fares, and at that time they were raising his three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawn by two other baby mamas in their home while paying his CS obligation to my SS and the two other baby mamas.  Basically, he lived for free, had zero financial responsibility for providing for his spawn, and his income as a voluntarily under employed licensed plumber had zero demands against it other than internet, gaming, and food for him.

So..... we counter motioned for the SpermGrandParents income to be added to his for calculation of CS.  

The Judge during the CS review took our motion under consideration which sent SpermGrandHag into apoplexy.  I liked that... a lot.  I know, bad Rags, bad.

She went off on the Judge spouting about who cares what support she and SpermGrandPa provide for their son and grand children.  The Judge gave her clarity that providing a rent free home for the Spermidiot to live in, raising his children in their home with no financial contribution from the Spermidiot, giving him cars, and paying his CS obligations for him was income to him and could be considered in establishing his CS obligation fo his eldest child. They claimed that the Spermidiot was paying rent, paying SpermGrandHag monthly for caring for his kids, reimbursing her for paying his CS, etc.... So, my incredible bride asked where the documentation was for all of that..... Crickets.  Then she asked the Spermidiot how much his rent was, how much his CS was, and how much he was paying SpermGrandHag for raising his children in her home.  He had no idea.  SpermGrandHag attempted to pull numbers out of her ass but DW objected loudly that she was not a party to the case and could not speak.  They had asked that I not be included in the telephone hearing since the first Judge 9 years before had ruled that I was not a party to the case.  The Judge backed my DW and scolded SpermGrandHag to be quiet unless she was specifically asked a question.  That pissed the Hag off to no end.

Both parties were pro se during the CS review hearing though we did consult with our killer shark attorney while preparing for court..  It took a year to get them to court. The Spermidiot had repeatedly refused delivery of the summons documents, had physically run from the Constable who was serving him with the summons, and refused to provide any of the information demanded by the DA to establish his new CS level.  The DA's office called my wife to see if she had his income information, etc....   She went CPA on his ass.  She had his tax returns from when they were a couple, she provided the DA with his employers contact information, she provided a copy of his state issued Plumbers License, and official income distribution matrices for Plumbers in the SpermClan's county of residence and the county of the Spermidiot's  employer.

The DA raised his CS from $133/mo to $785/mo.  All with zero participation or input from the Spermidiot.  The DA also invoked direct income withholding of CS from his pay checks.  When he got his first $0.00 pay check he came screaming into court demanding a reduction of his CS.  So... off to court we went.  It was a telephone hearing.  We provided a ream of information to the Court.  Years of tax returns, information on our house payments, 401Ks, IRAs, brokerage accounts, tax information for our school district, day care cost information, and air fare costs for visitation travel.

He provided only his last two pay stubs and none of the other information demanded by the Court.

So, if BM in your situation is supported by her parents, their income could be ruled as her income since they support her with a significant monatary advantage.

Give it a try. At the very least..... having their noses rubbed in the smelly parts of their life's carpet is incredibly satisfying to witness.

Good luck.

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