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Has your wicked Stepmother been beating you again today darlings?

BlendingOilAndWater's picture

OK, this has never been said because I don't even raise my voice to skids.

BUT... I have always believed in the power of multiple, very subtle messages over sledgehammer questions/comments.

It's hard to put my finger on but those of you with bios and skids will hopefully know exactly what I mean.

Bio14: Oh it was so funny today, we dressed BIO7 up as a girl and he looked so cool.
SO: Did you dress both BIOs up?
Bio14: Maybe tomorrow you can dress skid7 up too!
The laughter stops at this point because Bio14 knows that SO is accusing her of leaving him out. In fact he was happily playing with skid13 at the time, not left out at all. He hates dressing up and Bios love it.

It's like SO creates an "us and them" dynamic the minute he walks through the door, checking that skids got everything that bios did.

At the table he will offer skids bread (for example) if he sees the bread basket is running low. He doesn't offer bios. It's like he has to make sure they get their share. They are NOT shy about helping themselves and I have tried to examine to SO in the past that the implicit message he sends to them is: don't worry, I've got your backs. Or.., if it weren't got me checking on the good, you would both starve.

What does your DH/SO/DW do (subtly) to make you the bad guy or create an "us and them" dynamic? I'm pretty sure this isn't just my SO.

katielee's picture

Since it is SDstb13's job to do dishes, DH always tries to get us all to use paper plates when she's home. He's careful to scrape his dishes and put water in the dishes to soak them so they're easy to do. He did none of this when it was my or DD20's job to do dishes.

ChiefGrownup's picture

"it is SDstb13's job to do dishes," --- wait, stop the presses, having a hard time comprehending...

What's that ^^^ like?

Sigh. If only.

BlendingOilAndWater's picture

Today we are at the beach. Just me and 5 of the 6 kids. 3 of mine and his 2. Everyone is getting on like a house on fire. They always do when SO isn't there (he's at work). It's HIM that creates a divide the minute he walks through the door we once again become divided by blood.

Since it's happened before, when he comes to the beach at the end if the day and he sees ice cream wrappers, he will ask skids, "Did you have one too?"

Again, it's a simple question but the implied message is that he actually doubts whether I would include them and buy them an ice cream. And skids pick up on that.

LuckyGirl's picture

... Cue your "deer in headlights" look at your SO... "what, they were supposed to get something other than mouldy bread and scummy water???"

It just might get the point across... He is acting like a d*ck.