Had an interesting conversation with SS12 last night.
I don't "usually" have alot of problems with my skids anymore than normal age appropriate crap! Similar to the things I get from my bios. I learned a while ago that my problems with my skids are rarely caused by the skids. The problems seem to stem from my DH, and the self-righteous BM. DH mostly because he is ladened with Guilty Daddy Syndrome and that can really get out of hand. ~He has improved alot over the years~... BM well she does some PASing, she wants everything she can get out of DH, and she wants desperately for my skids to NOT have a relationship with me.
Last night I'm here with my step sons alone. Hubby ran an errand, my bios were hanging out with their friends!! I didn't mind, because we were having a good time... I'm in my room and tell SS12 he can come in to get a gun to go squirrel hunting (we keep all the guns in our room when not in use). Well he sees my StepMonster book and of course he asks questions...lol, poor kid probably thought I was studying to become a StepMonster. I told him I am and have been for a while learning what I can do to improve all our lives, our stepfamily situation and relationships. He is a pretty sharp kid, so he understands what I'm saying without alot of detailed explanation... I step out on a limb and ask "SS12, Do you think that I'm an evil stepmom?"- Without hesitation, he replies, "YOU? No Way, You are good to us", "However, Dad is alot worse than you, he makes things more difficult than they have to be." I commented that I understood what he was saying. My DH is a Guilty Daddy, feels bad for leaving his kids, not BM, but feels bad for leaving them WITH BM. (He did try to get them in court twice)... He is so busy being guilty that he OVER PROTECTS. So SS12 says, "No, You are fine, you are good to us. THEY are crazy" I couldn't help asking exactly who he was referring to.. He said, "Dad is just well, I don't really know how to put it, he is the one that makes it difficult here... and our MOM, Well she is worse than him and she is just plain ridiculous!!!!" -
I went on to tell him that I am doing what I can to help matters. So we walk into the living room where SS10 is playing... SS12 says, "Ask him what you asked me" I had not intended to ask SS10 anything.. Upon SS12 insisting that I should hear what SS10 had to say, I asked him "Do you think I'm an evil stepmom?" He looked at me a little lost. I said, "I mean do you think that I'm mean to you and SS12?" -- He laughed and said, "Let me get back to you on that"- I said ok and went on about my business.. A few minutes later he came in and said, "No, but can you do something about Dad?"
Later, alone, after the kids were in bed... I shared this with DH. He seemed to let it sink in. We talked about it and I made sure he knew I didn't respond to anything SS12 has said about their BM.. but I really think DH was listening...