I think if the kids are involved in choosing the gift it's appropriate. Him hiding the cologne in the closet...I'd feel like he was putting more behind that gift than I'd be comfortable with. If it's being presented from the kids, why hide it?

DH's kids used to give him gifts. Obviously, BM paid for them (which was evident by the Dollar Tree stickers on them) but the kids picked them out & they were always very excited & pleased with themselves when he opened them. In their minds, they were gifts from them.

I think if it makes you uncomfortable to buy gifts for her, maybe you guys can help the SKids make cards for her. They can even be creative and paint a mug or something that you already have-or they can make a cpicture for her and use an old frame already at the house to frame it with. You wont feel as bad b/c they got their BM a gift and you didnt stop them-and u didnt have to really pay for it:) (been there-I don't celbrate Christmas,but the Skids and BM do)

I think it's totally appropriate. How else would young children be able to provide gifts for their parents? My daughter usually makes gifts for her father but I wouldn't deny her money if she wanted to purchase one. Being with the parent on their birthday or xmas or whatever it may be, without a gift, makes the child feel bad. I know this bc it has happened before with my DD. I'm sure your DH or the BM is NOT doing it bc they want to make the other adult happy, they are doing this for the children.

When my boys were really little, I'd help them make homemade gifts for their father. As they grew and wanted to shop at the Christmas store at school, I'd present them with the big change jar and help them roll change for their spending money. When they were even older, I'd have them do chores to earn the money to buy gift for their father. I wanted them to learn to give as well as receive, and also the importance of earning/spending money to do just that. They were always very proud of the things they made or purchased for him, knowing that they were able to do it on their own.

Skids, on the other hand? Every once in a while they say, "Dad, give $40 so I can buy Mom a present." Pretty sure she never sees whatever it is they purchase with his money.

DH took skids shopping for a small Christmas gift (under $5) for their BM when they were little. Her birthday never fell anywhere close to visitation so we didn't worry about that.

Yes, I think it's okay as long as they are not clearly gifts from her (of a personal nature). We have the same gift exchange it seems most of the people on here do. We had a few instance where the gifts were clearly from BM not the kids but DH thanked them, then threw them out after they left and advised BM that it was inappropriate. I usually allow DH to enjoy the cheap tackly little trinkets or ugly cloths the kids got him by putting them proudly on display for him for a few weeks and then I pack them away or pitch them depending on what they are. Not out of spite but because as someone else mentioned they are cheap dollar store dust collectors.

* I would be concerned about him hiding the gift from you because as mentioned earlier that does read something into the gift and I don't find hiding things from your wife to be okay at all.

Sorry to be the one to say... NO FREAKING WAY IS DH BUYING ANYTHING FOR BM.. sorry but that's just how I feel. Listen DH is no longer with BM and yes the kids want to give a Christmas gift to their parents..they can make a card or do a craft..but no way are we buying anything for that woman..

Most kids get a little allowance for chores so they can use that money to buy something if they want..if not they can make something...

Just my humble opinion.. Z

Oh, and as a side note...someone else mentioned helping with homemade gifts for the kids. I do this and it bothered me the first time...until I saw the incredible look of disgust on BM's face when SS's told her that Smileygirl had helped them make this for her. She was so angery that now I do it every mother's day.

I wouldn't want anything that woman touched being given to my DH. He is lucky I let his kids over. That being said, if your concern is that the children want to be able to give dad a gift for Christmas, Fathers Day, etc., then I would suggest you go out and take them. That way when their mother tries to take them, they can say "Oh Optimistic already took us." I feel like when she gives the kids something to take to our house, it's her way of inserting herself into our life. She once gave them a frozen pizza to bring to our house. Sorry BM, we actually cook real meals at our house and don't need your $0.99 Totino's.

We don't buy gifts for BM and DH doesn't accept gifts that she purchased. I take SS shopping for his dad, and BM's family can take him shopping for her. BM once made DH a blanket when SS was about 2 years old. It was creepy thinking that she took the time to sit around and make him a blanket for christmas. SS wasn't old enough to have suggested it or asked her to do it. It was strange, uncomfortable and DH was not nice about it. He handed it right back to her (SS didn't even HAND him the gift, BM did...) he told her "If you think I am putting a blanket that YOU made on OUR bed, you are nuts. Don't do crap like this. It is out of line". Since then, NO GIFTS are exchanged.

ALTHOUGH, 2 years ago, she musta bumped her head and forgot, on Fathers Day she "helped SS pick out a gift" from the dollar store. She wrapped it and SS gave it to him with a balloon. This all after SS and I had already gone shopping and got him a super nice gift HE wrapped it, and made a card. After DH opened the gift from BM at home with SS (as to not hurt his feelings or upset him), DH texted BM and told her "we have had this conversation in the past, no need to purchase or make gifts for me, I have a wife that takes care of those things, you know that". She threw a fit and cursed and yelled. But it never happened again.

No we have never done gifts for bm or vice versa. I assume that bm's flava helped ss with a gift at their house if need be. When ss was younger I helped him with gift giving for dh. I did send bm a christmas card one time-it was of ss along with my 3 children. I did it to be a smart ass-I'm not going to lie-ss told me that she put it up on her fridge-which I acutually thought was really nice and I felt a millisecond of shame.

Sorry but i feel that they are no longer married and there is NO reason for gifts to be exchanged! It is up to your dh's WIFE to take the kids shopping for their dad If it is that much of an issue!

It is also up to someone in the bm's family weather her dh or whom ever to take the kids shopping for her! Period! No way in hell would I sit by and let that happen! NOPE!

I know they say it is for the kids and all but if people are so concerned with that they take them yourself so that bm is not involved! Then tell bm that she can have someone take them shopping for her on her side she has plenty of people to do for her! Tell her to take the Money she would have spent of your dh and give it to the kids to buy for her!

Skid is 12 and gets an absurd amount of allowance for all of that nothing that he does around the house. He could buy everyone a car for the holidays if he wanted to. Anyway, fiance loves everything skid does. I swear he would frame his turds if he could. Fiance cries, I kid you not, when skid gets him a cheesy Hallmark card, as if the kid wrote it himself. He won't even throw away those cheap plastic "dad of the year" trophies after they break. He keeps a bag of the broken parts on his desk, as if BM didn't buy them at the 50cent store. I think kids should express themself and make gifts, it means so much more, reflects their effort, and their developmental stage etc. Anyway, our skid making something? God no, that would require effort. Gift giving for skid is dragging him out to the store to demand that he chose cards for the grandparents, Mothers day, Christmas etc. Most of the time fiance ends up choosing the card, sooo heartfelt. Here's a great story, last Christmas, skid gave fiance this boardgame, one of those Monopoly spin-offs, with a topic my fiance really loved. Fiance's eyes lit up, you could see his heart swell with pride that his little thoughtful genius would recongize his hobby and interest and purchase such an amazing gift. After moments of awestruck silence, fiance says to skid..."Where did you get such a wonderful idea and such a wonderful gift?" The skid gives his slacker shoulder shrug and says, "BM found it." Silence. Oh, it was priceless. He will never realize he wastes his time hoping for anything resembling thoughtfulness to come from that boy....