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Java_Junkie's picture

Love the SD12 like my own, she's sweet and very helpful, really great.

She talks like a belt-fed machine gun. I'm not a simpleton and don't need people to speak to me slowly... but this girl makes me feel like I'm gonna get ADD or something. Listening to her for a few minutes is EXHAUSTING.

DW and I sitting there, relaxing, waiting for her ex to drop the kids off.
Front door flies open, Thing 1 and Thing 2 come flying in... Thing 1 (SS13) heads straight for the kitchen after dropping his stuff off in his room. Thing 2 drops her stuff in the living room, "MommymommyguesswhatwedidwewenttoSixFlagsandtheywereclosedandsowecouldntgetinbecausetherewasaprivetepartysowewenttoseeamoviewesawdaddyshome2haveyouseenithaveypuseenthefirstoneididitwasfunnyandsowasthesecondoneyoushoildreallyseeitwillyoutakemeiwanttoseeitagainratatat-tat-tat..." My word, I felt like she riddled my skull with bullets... I now have a sense of how a home invasion must feel. My lifeless corpse lay on the couch, draining out, clothes smoldering from the assault... then she went to her room.

DW looked at me. "Are you ok?"
"The M-60 machine gun is a gas-operated, air cooled, belt-fed automatic machine gun that fires from the open-bolt position and is chambered in 7.62 by 51 mm NATO cartridge..."

Then came the second wave...
"MommymommyguesswhatimthirdchairclarinetlistentomepracticehowaboutJingleBellsdoyouwanttohearthaticanplayit...shouldigetmymusicstandidontliketouseitbecauseitpokedmyfingeronceandithurtandmademeyeyyOWWsoidontlikeitbutillgetitifyouthinkishouldokillgetitseelookOWWWseeitoldyouidontknowwhyitdoesthat" *starts playing Three Blind Mice* *Changes to playing the scales* *starts playing something else, restarting several times* *starts playing Jingle Bells several times*
My brain by this point has turned to liquid and dribbled out onto the carpet. The dogs are all getting very worried about all those clarinet notes she's making. VERY worried.
My brain was by now mostly just a greasy stain in the carpet that looked like one of the Hell's Angels parked a VERY LEAKY 1949 Harley Davidson panhead motorcycle while he served 20 years in prison. DW looked over at me, facial expression like your favorite Picasso (or Glenn from The Walking Dead). "Are you ok?"

Is it just me? DW keeps reminding me how awesome SD is, and I agree, but DANNNNNG... I start fantasizing about going to work, or maybe going to get my physical, just to get out of the house a while...

I mean, REALLY... she's unbelievable.

Java_Junkie's picture

Before stepchildren, I never knew that stepping outside for an hour or two in the sweltering summer heat to mow the lawn would be such a wonderful experience. Sadly, it's fall - and the lawn doesn't need to be mowed... and we have no leaves to rake... Maybe I can get a second job so I have a legit reason to leave the house. Maybe at Ace Hardware where I can talk to nothing but adults who are grumpy curmudgeons like me and don't like to listen to anything but talk radio?

Java_Junkie's picture

Then, to make it worse, SS13 promptly clogged the toilet so bad that it wend down the pipe and clogged the whole house. I couldn't shower this morning... this kid's turds

He's getting a reputation with all the family members.

Holiday time, I now know... don't go to the bathroom after him. He'll set you up with a slow flusher that'll look like you did it.

I'm gonna put a lot of Miralax in his Swiss Miss Instant Cocoa this holiday season.

Evil3's picture

I totally get what you posted. My SS26 was always hyper active and spoke like your SD does. DH did NOTHING to quell SS' frenetic behaviour. I got all the excuses about how "he's just a kid," or "he's only (insert whatever age)." SS would wake up at 5 in the morning and be like that right until bedtime. His voice was loud and out of control. Is your DW a Disney mum? Allowing kids to have rapid-fire speech and take over an environment is a part of Disney parenting. You'll only get the excuses about how kids are like that or that your SD is excited or some other ridiculous excuse. Luckily, I parented my DD17 and taught to not lose control of her voice and other such things. I recommend finding a new hobby that takes you out of the house when your SD is there. Unfortunately, in cases like yours, the bio parents think it's adorable and won't do a bloody thing to "stifle Poopsie's creativity" or whatever other hippy comment they come up with. Maybe try being honest with your DW about possibly teaching your SD manners and what an inside voice is. If that doesn't work, then you'll have to get a new activity that takes you out of the home when your SD is there. The bio parents of kids like this just do not understand how draining it is to be around kids like that.

Java_Junkie's picture

Agree, Evil3... though it's not the end of the world.

As for hobbies that take me outta the house, I've considered binge drinking. I hear it can be soothing, though it does have a downside, or two.

DW has a little Disney to her style, but it's not all bad - or all that bad. SD is fine tonight, for instance... but SS went full-ON Thing 1 while we were all watching TV, and while I have my days of thinking, "Holy MFing Skittles, wish he would STHU!!!" it was DW who went Sam Kinison on him for his two hours of poop jokes during our Hallmark Channel Christmas movie time. Eighth graders are so... well... heh, all I can say is I wasn't that annoying at that age!
Or was I?
Gawwwwd, I hope not.

Ok, on to the next movie so we can be filled with the Hallmark Spirit. Just remember: "Hallmark. When you care enough to spend the very most."

QTsmum's picture

Oh man, I feel you too. My SO's boy is so much louder than any child I've ever come across in my life. I want to retreat into some sort of panic room until he's in bed. Beee

Java_Junkie's picture

No fooling... I have apologized to my dad for being such a snot. "Dad, if I was a fraction as annoying as these kids, I'm SSSSO SORRRRRY..."

These kids are at that awkward stage when they make sounds like dinosaurs and tell poop jokes and fart and belch and watch cartoons that have characters with screechy voices at volume eleven and plot out sleepovers and ask IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, "Can Johnny stay for dinner and spend the night?" They know that if they put me on the spot, I automatically say NO, so they bypass me LOL...

Next time the unilateral decision from DW approves a sleepover, she'll probably be surprised about my unilateral decision to spend the night in a hotel room. "What?!? Why!?!"
"I asked you to please include me. Consider me. Run it by me. You started doing that, but the last couple times here, you just went ahead and did it, and if I protested, I'd have to do it in front of everyone and look like an asshole. So... just so I don't look like an asshole to the kids, and I can have the peace I need, I'll be at the hotel. You can join me if you like, your kids as well, but not all the unplanned Hostel guests."

Aniki's picture

Do NOT invite them!! Next thing you know, you'll be hosting a freakin' hotel pool party. :O

Java_Junkie's picture

I Feel statement:
"When you unilaterally invite The Human Vacuole to spend the night after I spent $200 on groceries for the four of us this week, and I know that by Sunday night, most of it will be gone because your son and The Human Vacuole will be competing for who can eat the most WHILE cherry-picking the best stuff for themselves,
like you don't give a rat's dropping about the things I do for all four of us. Please stop putting the stowaways in First Class, mmmkay?"

I Feel statement:
"When your daughter insists on walking between you and me, and so close I almost trip over her, then runs to your side to hold your hand,
like she's trying to cut me out. Then, when you don't stop her,
like you think it's ok. And when I point it out, and you dismiss it,
like you don't value my feelings, which I don't want to believe is the case. Perhaps this is not your intention - and it's something you're not aware of? But this is exactly what's happening, and that's how I feel."

Aniki's picture

Java, I'm glad I don't have those issues. I disengaged 2 years ago. I now make myself scarce and do ENJOYABLE activities on skid weekends!!!

Java_Junkie's picture

Aniki, it's sometimes a pain, but we're figuring it out. I do disengage on occasion, though my own son (19) has his own issues when he comes over. Anything she points out to me is pretty much right, and I get on him as well... when I point out her kids' shortcomings, she takes it personally still, as if it's an attack on her parenting (which ultimately I suppose it is, though I don't attack). Her daughter said she prefers critique because she wants to improve - and she likes my style. Her son, OTOH, whenever I say anything, he rolls his shoulders forward and glooms his face down to the ground as if I shot his dog. Sorry kid, but when I'm running the whole show for a couple weeks after your mom had surgery and she's in a hydrocodone fog, and you UNDO the chores I did and "FORGET" to do any other chores, and I mention one of many instances - if getting caught is upsetting, then don't do the things that'll get you in trouble. It's a life lesson - when you get upset at me for pointing out that you aren't checking the pool skimmers, it's sorta like those folks who blame a cop for giving them a ticket for the 20th time they sped through a school zone. That's paving the path to mediocrity. Don't DOWN my authority - UP YOUR GAME.

Java_Junkie's picture


After the Thanksgiving break, road trippin' home, SD was being mildly annoying. SS started nitpicking on her and it was really annoying because now TWO were going on and on. So I said something just pointing something out to SS and DW asked me to stop. A spell of disengaging from these kids has now begun.

Bottom line is, neither of these kids appreciates a damn thing I do. DW shows appreciation, asks the kids to show appreciation (which they do when prompted, but more like "Oh... thanks, Java...") They just expect me to do things... as it looks right now, for Christmas, they'll each get a "token" $10 bill each from me.

secret's picture

lol - whenever my DH doesn't tell his son to stop making really annoying noises in the van... I ask dh if he minds if I turn up the radio. If he questions why, I say it's because ss's noises are really grating on my nerves. DH usually gets ss to stop making the noises.

I don't point out the behaviors... I point out my reactions to the continuation of said behaviors.

SS doesn't really get whiny with me, but he will whine as much as possible it seems, with DH. When ss is whining with dh... I just abruptly leave. No warning, no comment, nothing... usually DH will come find me, because it's unusual for me to just up and go without saying what I'm doing/where I'm going... like "I need to switch the laundry/ stir the stew / se the bathroom" or whatever... and I tell him that I was getting really frustrated with ss's whining, so I left the room... DH is usually more on top of the whining after that.

For older kids bickering - which mine have done - I've pulled over on the side of the road, stepped out of the vehicle, and just leaned back on if I was waiting. After a moment they would crack a window or open a door and ask what I was doing... and I'd say that I was getting really annoyed with their bickering, didn't want to be around it anymore, so I got out of the car, and I'm not getting back in until it's over, because it's giving me a headache.

In your case, if DW asks you what you were doing... well, honey, I'm getting a headache from all their bickering, so I'm going to pull over and step out into the quiet for a few minutes, because it's bothering me and I need to clear my head before I continue driving.

Java_Junkie's picture

Maybe I'm being too direct?

I know DW gets annoyed with them as well. She does play favorites with her son, too (some of her fam has quietly opened up and shared that with me, so I know it's not just me who's noticed it). She says her daughter is just like she was at that age. I think she's fun but can be annoying - and like all kids, you can see the insecurities hiding behind the bad behavior / acting out.

I have a Sony PS3, set it up a few years ago. One day, DW was out of the house, and SS was playing a game on it, and his "guy" got killed. He got all pissed off and threw the force-feedback controller across the room, and complained that the console is a "piece of crap" because he was trying to get it to go, but it was "clutching out." Uhh, no, the game worked fine till you got your chicken-scratchers on it, kid... but the kid has been bitching about it from DAY ONE. My only regret is that I didn't pack it up and shelve it the day I saw him throw the controller. It's my console, I shelled out about $600 on it about 2 years before I ever met him, and plenty of kids have had a fine time using it. It work(S)/(ed) like a champ, then he got to using it. So DW wants him to have a new PS4. Heh, GLWT. Im sure a big part of it is Operator Error. Just like his dandruff was because he wasn't rinsing his hair well, we told him... so I bought him a bottle of Head&Shoulders, and he's still having the dandruff - says "Head&Shoulders is crappy. It doesn't work." Jeez, kid... since nothing can please you, you're in for a long, lonely, miserable life.

secret's picture

Sounds like he hasn't learned to take accountability for things that don't go his way... which is fairly normal at his age.

Had it been me, I WOULD have removed the system, and not said a word about it. When my spouse would have asked why, I'd have point blank said because he threw the controller, and that my things aren't to be destroyed, so I won't allow him to use it until he's proven he can treat my things carefully.

I think you might benefit from saying things like "I can't tolerate the behavior as well as you can, do you think you can get them to tone it down?" or "I'm having a hard time wanting to share my things when my things are being mistreated. Do you think we can discuss how ss can treat my things better?"

Even things like them not listening... "Honey I've asked ss twice to pick up his toys from the living room because he's done with them, but he's ignoring me. Could you tag team on this one? I'd really like to see a clean living room."

Don't point out the behavior... point out how the behavior is affecting you. Pointing out the behavior is like being Captain Obvious, and often gets perceived as picking on them or pointing out their flaws. She sees it, she just tolerates it better, maybe because she has rose colored glasses on. Point out that you're getting frustrated with the noise level, or that it bothers you to see your wife allow herself to be yelled at (or whatever)

You can still be direct with all that.... it's just not twisting the knife she knows is there.