I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He has a 4 year old son for whom he is the custodial parent. Him, his son, and I recently moved in together. Maybe this is a little "fast" in others eyes, but honestly everything is really great. We have found our niche in how to live together, work on things together, and manage his son together. We are doing really well!

Unfortunately, there is one problem: you guessed it, the bio mom. She is not a stable individual. Literally tried to commit suicide, and ended up spending a week in a psychiatric ward, while a parent of both her older son, and her younger, whom she had with my boyfriend. That is when my boyfriend moved in and gained custodial rights. Bio mom likes to go out partying, and per her babysitter, brings the other coaches home, no lie. Also, my boyfriend's son came home the other day telling us that his mommy "asked if he wanted a little brother". That would make THREE kids from THREE different dads! :O She needs to worry about the 2 she has, in my opinion! Anyway, his son has lived with his daddy full-time *officially* since August, and now lives with us at our house.

I am an adult, and I act as such. I do not participate in drama. I love children, and am helping to provide for my boyfriend's son, since he lives with us. We coach his t-ball team together, and he loves to help me prepare food in the kitchen, and read stories, and walk the dogs. I have done nothing but try to be something positive in this child's life.

Bio mom only sees him once a week and two weekends of the month. It is honestly weird when he is with her, as he is just not normal in social situations involving her. If WE bring him to t-ball practice, he is outgoing and engages with other children, running around like a nut! Lol. If she brings him, he stands next to her like a scared squirrel. He can not focus on playing like the other kids, because she is busy "coaching" him from the sidelines. He makes mistakes, and generally feels frustrated. He acts very sad and scared around his mama. I do not think she hits him or anything, but it would not be surprising to find out she says stuff like "Daddy is mean to mommy. Mommy is the best, huh?" or something like that...

Since the custody order was put in place, almost a year ago, she has done nothing to compromise. She acts like it is everyone else's fault/problem that her custody has diminished. She would irratically switch the weekday he would visit during the week, claiming half the time that Thursday wasn't good for her, etc. For 8 months we flipped and changed to whatever she needed, but just recently we said "Please, he asks what day he is doing what every morning, and it is just not structured, we need to just stick with Thursday" and this upset her.

Last Thursday, she refused to bring him to t-ball practice, stating that they had previous "dinner plans". We had offered to pick him up from daycare, take him to practice, and let her come pick him up for dinner directly after. We think nothing is so important as encouraging his son to be part of a team, make friends, and build confidence.
He constantly comes back from weekends with her feeling sick, having this chronic cough, throwing tantrums when we try to put him to bed IN BED (as we found out he sleeps on the couch at her house, with the tv on all night).

Last Monday, she took him to the doctor, and told us he had "bronchitis" and never went and got the medicine prescribed to him! She waited all day for my boyfriend to show up and rush to CVS with the prescription. It is NOT because she lacks the money to pick up the meds. Also, she does not have a bedroom for him in her home. Her other son is 10 years old, and the younger one always comes back complaining that he couldn't play with any toys, etc.

We realized, per the possession order, that she is supposed to be paying 50% of all medications, etc. She also pays the minimum amount of child support, but would not agree to shared medical coverage of him - so now my boyfriend pays MORE in insurance than the minimum child support she pays alone, just so they can have 2 separate policies. We are in the negatives as far as child support is concerned...

She also did not let us know what she would like to do for summer, so we sent her a certified letter stating that according to the possession order, she will now default to visitation from July 1st-31st. She missed the delivery and got a notice, but has not picked up the letter, according to the tracking number on it. Whenever she finally does, I am SURE she will have a problem with this.

Believe me, I COMPLETELY understand that I am NOT the mother of this child. And I will NEVER be, in that way. I would gladly extend my hand for any sort of mutual, functioning relationship between the 3 of us, so that we may smoothly solve matters for the child. But to live in a situation where she is so angry and bitter all the time is not healthy for the child. He is the one that suffers, every time.

I do not also want to chronically bring it up to my boyfriend, as I understand he has done A LOT to try to secure his son a stable home and life. He did A LOT just to win custody of him overall. We are just trying to find the best solution.

But what are our choices in this matter? I do not know much about child custody laws (in Texas) and am trying to do some research.

The custody order, as of now, outlines Thursday visits from when picked up from daycare, until daycare the next morning. And the weekend visits are Friday after daycare, until daycare Monday morning.

Mostly, if he could just spend every other weekend with her still, and not the one day overnight during the week, OR just the day during the week from 6pm-8pm (like for dinner) - that would be spectacular. When he starts school, we feel this will only become MORE of a problem, and harder for him to find structure and confidence (unless maybe it is just dinner). I don't want to sound like a B about that weekday visit, but it is seriously so disruptive. It sucks. You can see his son's change in attitude. And we feel that when he is older and we are trying to enforce homework and chores, he will need one household as his primary place of accountability and responsibility, not just hop-skipping over to mom's house overnight without finishing anything...!

Anyway, anyone's questions or comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks!